Scattered every which way....

I'm gonna try to be brief... but I don't know if that is possible...  :)

Growing up as a tiny girl we were part of a fellowship that was amazing.  We were a tiny little fellowship... and we loved each other well.  We ate together, studied the Scriptures together.  We were there for each other.  We loved God, and we loved each other.  How dear to me are those who were part of Word of Life Bible Church in Southlake, TX.

As an adult, or almost an adult... a wife and a mommy, but only 21 - Ken and I found a fellowship of our own.  It was the closest thing to Acts 42 I had experienced since I was 8 years old.
And now, 14 years later, we are part of another amazing fellowship of believers who know what it is to love God and love each other.

We are a forever family.  We hurt each other, and we comfort each other.  We love each other well.  We pray for each other.  We know what it means to mourn together and rejoice together.  The common denominator is that in each fellowship, we all loved God, and we all loved each other.  We gave as anyone had need - and we lived in community.

All along the way, I developed friends who I love dearly who were just starting college... and then, just finishing college... and then just moving away, some getting married... some just having their first baby...  some moving to other countries...

It has been a whirlwind when I think about it.  But, I realize that tiny pieces of my heart are scattered across 3 continents (at least) and all over the US.  I love so many people that sometimes it really just hurts.  My heart aches because I miss "my"girls.  But, then there are friends that have known me - the real me for a long time - some ten, fifteen and even twenty or thirty (!) years.  I think I could type for an hour straight and not get all the names down of the people who are dear to me that my heart longs to see and spend time with.  And then there are people that I almost got to know, but I want to know more.... who I am not sure I will get to know much better this side of Heaven.  Which makes me feel like I have a million holes in my heart - pieces of my heart are scattered all over the place.   But, did you notice the phrase "this side of Heaven"?
God is so sweet to remind me that these friends are my forever friends.  Not just because we have bonded well here on earth, but because we are bound by the blood of Christ and will be forever together in eternity.  We are sisters now and forever.  This life is a mist.  One day - and in a short time - in the blink of an eye... we will all be together for eternity.  No tears.  No separation.  No pain.  No sin.  No boundary of time.  We will be forever together worshiping a Holy and Righteous and Beautiful God - and bowing before the One who was given the Name above every Name - at which every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!
Hallelujah!  I am ready to have a party.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  But, I am about ready for our forever celebration where we come to know what it means to dwell in glory... our God given, untainted glory.  Whew!

It is almost Christmas.  It is time to celebrate the birth of a baby who came to change the World.  It is time to celebrate the Christ-child.  The Messiah.

It is no wonder that the dragon - that tempter, Satan was standing wanting to devour Him even as a baby... because with His birth came the certain destruction of that proud, beautiful angel - Lucifer who was cast out of Heaven.  (Revelation 12 paints an amazing picture of all of this).   The night Jesus was born, a great war broke out.  Real war - and though we do not yet see it with our eyes... that war is still raging.  I am so thankful that I know the end of the story.  I am so thankful I know the One who wrote the story, and the One who came to give me life - and freedom from that fierce dragon.  I am so thankful for each of my friends that have a piece of my heart - because we are a forever family.  We will get to rejoice in the Lord always - and again I say REJOICE!!! 

So, this Christmas, I am spending some time thanking God for each of you by name.  Each one of my forever friends - I am praying a blessing over you even now.  And for each of you that don't know my Jesus - who are skeptical of all of this "religious" stuff.  I am praying a special prayer for you.  I am praying that you will come to know my Jesus for yourself.  It has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with a relationship.  A relationship with the One who will never abandon me, or forsake me.  A relationship with the One who let His blood be spilled so that mine wouldn't have to be.  The One who came to die - because it was the only way that we could know God - for ourselves, without separation.  The One who the angels worshiped and the wise men sought out.  This Jesus.  If you let Him, He will change your whole life.  Yes, tonight, I am saying a special prayer for you, my sweet skeptical friend.  He loves even you.  Even when you curse Him and doubt Him.  He will never quit pursuing your heart.  He loves you far too much for that. 

Merry Christmas. 

Shaking the dust off your feet...

Tonight I am wondering how much longer it will be before things are right-side up. 

I wish I had more answers than I have.

God is good.  He is ever faithful.  He continues to provide and to look out for us.  Things are still messy though.  Messy is okay, but it is, well.... not ideal. 

I am asking tonight for wisdom.  God has granted that before to people who have asked.  Part of me wishes to ask him for enough money to dig out of this seemingly endless hole.  But, the larger part wants to know what He would do if He were in my place.  What would Jesus do, for real?  I don't know.  I pray that He will help me to know.  I pray that He will show me soon.  I don't have more to say really, though there is much more swirling in my mind. 

I had to process a little out loud... but now, I am going to go talk with Jesus.  I am hoping that as I tell Him who He is, He will remind me of His character.  Truth is, He was perfect and therefore would not be in the predicament I am in.  But, He has the right answer for me any way.   I am going to ask you to pray wisdom for me too.  I am going to ask that you would cry out to the Lord and ask Him to reveal Himself.  He is the God who sees.  He is the God who knows what we need before the word is even on our lips.  He is the God who is never caught off guard and who will never forsake us. 

Broken Vessels for God's Use ~ my labor of love.

Friends! 

Finally, it is ready.  If you would like to read my book - it is available for purchase at www.brokenvesselsforgod.com.  Just click on the picture of the book.  My amazing husband set that up for me.  :)

At some moments, I thought it would never be fully ready, but I think it is relatively safe to say - it is now!  Every time I pick it up and look at the cover, I am filled with thankfulness to my sweet Savior who allowed me the time to do it and who rescued me from circumstances that were dreadful!  I am hoping and praying this book will minister to people even half as much as it has already ministered to me.  It is a constant reminder to me that He is a God who not only gives us passions and dreams, but is also pleased to see them come to fruition.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He removed me from a difficult working situation where I was neglecting my family and missing out on the purposes He created me for so that I could do one of the things He has given me passion for. 
I have never been so sure that He has created us all for a purpose.  He has called us each to something of significance.  Even if it only appears significant in the eyes of God.  It isn't about how impopular the book is, or how popular it might become.  To me it is about an act of obedience in an area that was actually easy to obey - in fact the more I put my hand to it, the more my heart fell in love with Jesus.  It was about reveling in the beauty of my God who would allow me the time and opportunity to do what He had set in my heart.  The blessings have already been given - the time in His Word to write it and research.  The time learning the lessons that are within the pages of the book.  The amazing teachers I have had and friends I have made along the journey.  These are the things that matter.  Yet, if I hear that the book blesses somebody else, I may very well just go up to be with Jesus my heart might be so full! 

Anyway, I am thankful and I am blessed to be here in this moment, working a job that I love more than any job I have ever had.  Being a mommy to my children who are a blessing to me daily.  And continuing to learn that God intends good for me for all of my life - no matter how strongly the enemy comes against that.  I am so very thankful for this time.  I am so very thankful for my God who is always Faithful.

Stronger by the minute...

This morning that pesky predator tried in one more way to shake things up around here.

Mia had an episode.  We are unclear on if she actually had a seizure and then was passing out, or if she was just unable to breathe well, and was fighting passing out, but no matter how you cut it, we ended up in the emergency room with a little girl who had eyes rolling in the back of her head and went limp for about 3 minutes.
Jake responded quickly and correctly.  I was praising God that he kept presence of mind in the absence of normality.  She was face first in her highchair making a horrible breathing noise.  He called for me and pulled her out as fast as he could.  It was scary.  I am not given to fear - usually about anything. But, I remember distinctly asking out loud for Jesus to help and then holding my "ragdoll" of a little girl in my arms and watching her fight losing consciousness.  I never want to see that again.

It hit me after she came to, and could respond to me that it was another attack.  That prowler just won't get off our backs.  But, at the same time I realized something else.  The more he throws hardship in our path, the more I am believing the Truth - because I am saying it over and over again.  I know that God is only good and wants only good for us.  I also know that He sees us and loves us more than we could possibly love each other.  God is stronger.  God is better.  God can do all things because He is the Creator of all things.  There is nothing too difficult for Him.  I am realizing that I am more convinced after this morning than I was yesterday that God is good - and that He only wants good for our family.  I think I am convinced more because I am declaring it more often.  It is not that I don't want a break from the drama... but I am falling more deeply in love with Jesus through it. 

We went to the ER and didn't find anything wrong.  We will follow up with tests tomorrow... an EEG and she is now on medicine for Bronchitis.  She didn't have fever... she didn't have pneumonia.  She just had this episode... and all be it scary, I knew through the whole thing that God had us in His hands the whole time.  After sleeping through two breathing treatments back to back - and after thirty minutes of hacking up mucus... my baby girl was her normal self again.  She only wanted her mommy, and her mommy wanted nothing more than to snuggle her tight.  It was a perfect match.  We have snuggled all day - and I am so very thankful for my beautiful girl.  Even in the hospital, she laid on my chest and we watched Bugs Bunny together.  I am so thankful for each of my kids... they are all so loving and tender with each other - and they are recognizing through all of this that God is stronger too.
Please know that no matter how dark the situation, the Light always wins.  Always.  Darkness has no authority over the light.  Tonight, I will lie down and sleep in peace because my heart is steadfast - trusting in God.
I pray that you know that same peace.  The peace that passes all understanding and brings comfort in the midst of every situation.

Butterflies in my stomach!

It is finished.

Ready to order.

I had bought two copies and made an enormous amount of changes - but now, it is really ready.  Ready for you to read if you want to.

I can't explain what it feels like to hold in my hands this labor of my heart.  I have loved writing.  I have hated editing! :) I have cried while I  wrote.  I have laughed.  I have loved laboring over this book.  It is surreal to think that I am finished - finally!

It is my prayer that this book would be a blessing to anyone who reads it.  I am begging the Lord that He would reach down and make Himself known - in whatever way He chooses through the pages of this book.  He has certainly made Himself known to me through the writing of it.

We are all broken.  But, that isn't where the story should end.  Praise God He can make good from the things that were meant for evil in our lives. 

Where the Rubber meets the Road

Tonight I sat outside for a little while.  My back porch has a really nice breeze and the clouds were beautiful passing in front of the moon.  It was nice.  I shared my deepest thoughts with Jesus.  I whispered to God that I knew He was there, and He was good, and that I know He sees me.
I told Him how I am tired of things breaking my heart that don't break His.
He reminded me that He catches all of my tears and keeps them in a bottle.
He reminded me that when my heart aches, His aches for me.

It was sweet to remember how very much He loves me.

I am asking Him to heal me.  I am asking Him to heal my broken heart.  I am asking Him to be near to me.  He is hearing me.  And He will answer.

Tonight I thanked Him that He sees me.  I thanked Him that He will come back for us.  I asked Him to make my heart grieve over the things that aren't about me.  I asked Him to help me with my perspective.
He is hearing us.  He will answer us.  He knows everything we need before the words form on our tongues.
It got me to thinking that this is really where the rubber meets the road for me.  The last year has been full of hardships.  More than I can put words to.  But, the greatest of them all has not been resolved.  By my human perspective... it is hopeless.  Thanks be to God that He hasn't left it up to my human perspective!  So, tonight for me, in a significant way, I had to ask myself what Truth is...  and I have found that Truth is that nothing is impossible for God.  Nothing.  Truth is that my God will never leave me or forsake me, and I can rest in that all day long, every day.  Truth is that He is coming back to get us, and what matters is how we spend our days between now and then.  Truth is, this life is not about me....  but about the One that made me and created me for a purpose.  He created you too, and for a distinct purpose, and for such a time as this.
I will rest tonight, full of peace and grasping tightly to the Hope that I have in Jesus.  And, I will be caught up in His love and in awe of His glory as I rest in the shadow of His wings.

The Darkness Inside

Well, I wish I had a pretty post to write - with a pretty bow to tie and wrap it up - but that is not what this is.  This is more like a backwards glance over my shoulder at a really difficult week.

I took my eyes off of the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  Stink.

I hate it when I do that.  I know better.  My sin never just effects me.  But, God is always there to remind me - in the gentlest of ways that He is better.  He is worth more than the pain that I am going through. 
I was singing... on the worship team at church... and I was wrestling with God.  Mostly I was just having a tantrum because of my feelings.  Not to say there weren't some legitimate hurts... just to say, they weren't worth forgetting where my focus should be - and it is not on me...  that is nothing but a big pile of trouble waiting to happen.   But, as I wrestled through the first "set"...  I realized that I was still being so selfish.  So, once we finished, I took a time out.  I went to the kitchen of the church and I talked with Jesus.  Really, I sang to Him.  I had the words to a song swirling in my mind all throughout worship and I knew that He was prompting my heart to sing them to Him - and mean them.  So, I sang... and I sang and I sang until I meant it. 

Choose - Christy Nockels (excerpt)
Let me be in love with what you love.
Let me be most satisfied in You.
Forsaking what this world has offered me.
I choose to be in love with You. I will choose to be in love with You.
Let me know the peace that's mine in You
Let me know the joy my heart can sing
For I have nothing Lord, apart from You
I choose to call on Christ in me.  I will choose to call on Christ in me.
For in the fullness of who You are, I can rest in this place.
And giving over this, my journey Lord, I see nothing but Your face. 
And I bow down.
Humbly I bow down.  Humbly I bow down.  I bow down.
Let me know that you have loved me first.
Let me know the weight of my response,
For you have long pursued my wandering heart
I choose to glory in the cross.  Yes, I will choose to glory in the cross.

You see, it is a choice.  It is a choice every day, every hour, and sometimes every minute to choose godliness, holiness, and truth over lies, accusations and the flesh.  My flesh was so strong.  I knew it.  And the Lord used a worship teammate to tell me truth.  My posture was "closed off" - and I had to admit, it was because my heart was closed off.  I was still in the process of wrestling things out with the Lord... and it had an effect.  I was a bit sad that my actions, my selfishness, my sin could impact people at all.  But, then the Lord reminded me what I tell my kids all the time.  "Your sin never just affects you."  NEVER.  It was a pretty clear picture.  So, I sang, and I meant it.  Let me choose to love those things you love - truth, justice, mercy, love...  and think on holy things.  Let me be most satisfied in You.  His grace is sufficient.  I know that is Truth.  I just momentarily focused on the temporary... the circumstances that shout out lies constantly.  It was a sweet moment, and a humbling moment.   I hate my flesh... and yet, I know that I made choices that perpetuated the selfish thinking.  Well, poop.  I am not happy about that even now - but I am learning today - again- that His mercies are new every morning (and on some occasions, twice in the same morning).  Second service was sweet as I worshiped from a posture of deep gratitude for His constant pursuing of my heart.  Darkness has no where to hide when He comes.  He is light, and He is life.  The darkness must flee from His presence.  I just forgot for a minute that the Light was with me the whole time.  

Last week was really difficult.  I don't want to re-do it.  But, this week promises to be sweet - as long as I set my mind on things above.  Worship was much easier today after having several long talks with really good friends -and a good reproof from the One that made me and knows and loves me completely.  I love how He deals with me.  I am in love with my Savior - who has saved me once again.    My mind is clearer...  but, I am not foolish, I know that we are all just a step away from stupid.  One little step. 

Coffee at 8:30 pm... what do you mean I can't sleep?

Tonight I have a grateful heart.  A very grateful heart.

I am so thankful for the newness of this season of our lives.  It is seeming to creep in, much like fall in Texas.  :)  One day the heat is so unbearable... and you feel you will never find relief... and then the next day, it drops 20 degrees, there is a cool breeze blowing and you think to yourself, "I could get used to this."  Two days later we are wondering if we dreamed the cool breeze, and the temperatures in the car rise to unbearable levels,  but it gave us a taste... and hope that one day in the next few weeks we might taste that cooler weather and enjoy being outside again.

That really is such a perfect picture of life right now for us.  Tonight... there is a cool breeze in my weary heart and I keep thinking, "I could get used to this."  I got to meet some of the most precious ladies in College Station.  I love to "do life" with people.  I loved the time I got to share with them.  It is a bit like Ezekiel and the dry bones.   I feel the breath of Life traveling through this pile of bones.  I feel God stirring in ways that I have missed deeply.  And I am thankful.  Thankful that for today, in my life, the season of cool breezes came and gave me a visit.  Thankful that the God of bigger dreams than I can imagine let me taste His goodness and see the Truth with my own eyes that He has good plans for me - and my precious family. 

I am ready for a full blown change of season.  In fact, I am thanking God right now that He will do that.  It is time for a new thing.  It is time for relief.  But, if my timing is not my God's timing... well, it is easy to figure out who got it wrong!  His thoughts are higher than my own, and His ways, so very different.  But, He is good and all He does is good. 

What a beautiful God.  What a treasure of a night.  Now, to fall asleep thanking God for each one of my new friends.   That sounds very sweet to me. 

A downward spiral with an upward perspective...

Today was a hard day.

My feelings were hurt.  My family was hurt.  But, that was, something... surmountable.  Something I have grown a little used to, and something that quite frankly stems from selfishness in some ways.

But, then, after my heart was sufficiently wounded for one day- the enemy decided to take one more punch at my weary flesh.  It stung.  It stung with the sting of death.  The feel of utter defeat. I felt like I was being devoured in one savory bite by that fierce lion that prowls for me night after night.

The news was this:  the business bank account was drained - everything was taken.  Not one penny left.

Payroll just went out - and the checks will not clear.  Not because we didn't have the money in there.  But because someone else decided they had more right to it than we do.

We have received so much help from people who love us.  We have been in awe of God each week as we watch Him provide for us in ways far too creative for us to think of.  This month has been the hardest of them all from a faith-less perspective.  We are hard pressed on every side.  People calling day and night...  everyone wanting what it is that we don't have to give.  And then, twice in three months, we have gone online to check the account and found a completely empty bank account.  An account that, prior to the money being taken - sat at its prime position in the month to pay mortgages and leases, and bills.  Indeed it was ripe for the picking.  In three months $5,000.00 has been taken from us without our consent.

It is not that we are pretending we don't owe people money - believe me we do.  It is simply that right now, because we are waiting on things to sell and a job offer to come through - we don't have anything extra to give.  We are being threatened by creditors as if we are holding out something we have- and the part that is just super draining is that we just. don't.  We just don't have anything extra.  It is by God's grace alone, through the hands of His people that we have had the things that we need.  But, some people apparently have the power to take from you when you literally don't have enough to make ends meet as it is.  It was a deep wound.  I will be honest.  I sat on the floor in my bathroom and sobbed big ugly tears.  I cried out loud - and I told Jesus that I am broken hearted.  He promises to be near to those whose hearts are broken.  His promises are true.  Always and forever, His promises are true.

I cried for so long and so deeply, that I curled up and got comfortable.  It is days like today that make me miss my mom in the fiercest of ways.  I know well what she would have done.  She would have brushed my hair.  She would have sat and brushed it for as long as she could manage - assuring me that it would all be okay.  And coming from her, I would have believed it.  I do believe it.  God's Word is Truth - even when I sit and rock myself, crying that this stress, this pressure must come to an end at some point...
Pieces of truth swirl in my mind.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  I am not carrying the right burden.  His Word is Truth.  He is for me - He is always for me.  His love knows no boundaries and He will never fail me.

We just get the wrong idea sometimes.  We believe that the hard things in life make us stronger, when the whole point is that they are supposed to make us more clearly understand our weakness.  It is in our weakness that He can prove His strength.  Praise Him that He can show Himself in a mighty way in our lives.  He can, and I believe with all of my heart - He will and indeed He already is.   I have never felt so weak, so completely inept to even handle what I have on my plate for this very minute.  I hear the growl of that lion, and my heart melts with fear.  All the while, I am sheltered in the shadow of wings - wings of a Mighty Warrior - and One who will not let me slip from His strong grip.  So, to that prowling devil of a lion, I say this, "though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet I believe that His unfailing love for me will not be shaken - nor will His covenant of peace be removed - and this because my Lord has compassion on me!" (Isaiah 54:4)
We may be hard pressed on every side.  And, I surely cannot tell you what will come of things this next month... but these things I hold dear to my heart:
1.  Our God will never leave or forsake us.
2.  Perfect love casts out all fear.
3.  He (God) is good and everything He does is good.
4.  Nothing can separate us from His love.
5.  His plans for us are good.
6.  The enemy will not, and can not win, for the victory was already won on the cross.
7.  Christ is stronger.   He has saved us.  Christ is risen.  Jesus is Lord of all!

Pray for us, please.  But, thank God with us that He already knows the answer to our deepest need.  We need not utter them, for He knows the words before they come out of our mouths.  Pray that He will meet our deepest needs.  Pray that He will show Himself mighty in our lives.  

Gratitude...

Then the King will say to those on His right, “Come to me, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”  Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thrirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and cloth you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’  The King will reply, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

There is no way to express how thankful I am to my God this morning.

I love the body of Christ.  I love the people God has called together to be brothers and sisters in order to honor His name.

Friends and family have come together to bless our family with school supplies... A clarinet, clothes to fit Jake for athletics.  Others have said they would like to help buy some of the things that were not given, and give some more of the clothes that will be necessary for them this year.  A friend dropped off some school supplies on my porch this morning.  I don’t have words for the gratitude in my heart.  Of course, gratitude for these precious people.  But, also - and more so, to the God of the universe that brought us together as a family and knows every need we have before we even ask it.  That is the God I serve.  The God that is not bound by anything - but is over all things and so loving to His children.  I know He will reward the precious people who “did for the least of these...”

God is providing everything we need through the hands of His precious children.  I am in awe of His beauty this morning.

Isaiah 54:10, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”

I cannot wait to see the way He will meet every one of our needs.  I look forward to watching Him be who He loves to be.

Maranatha (Oh Lord come!)

In Need...

There was a song we used to sing in worship called "In Need" - I believe it was written by Ross King.  It said, "in need of grace, in need of love, in need of mercy reigning down from high above.  In need of strength, in need of peace, in need of things that only you can give to me.  In need of Christ, the perfect lamb, my refuge strong, the great I Am.  This is my song, my humble plea, I am your child, I am in need."  It makes me sob buckets right now.  It is perfectly beautiful to describe how we are every day - even when we don't realize it.

I do not like to ask for help (usually because of PRIDE).

The Bible tells me PRIDE is not okay.

I believe the Bible is 100% correct - and that brings me to the point.

For my friends who like lists and not words...  Scroll down and you will find the list of practical needs.  :)  For my other friends who don’t mind all my words... Here ya go!

Life has not been a bowl of cherries for us over the last 6 months.  There have been some really difficult things.  These things have tested my ability to rest in Jesus while seemingly everything around me swirled into oblivion.  But, I DID (and still do!) trust Jesus - and He has come through.  He has never let us down.  Each month, we have sat literally stunned by how He took care of things.  It has been so cool (and yet, so hard) to watch him teach us what trusting Him for  our daily bread really looks like.

That is the second reason I have hesitated to “post” any of these requests.  I know that God can meet every need we have.  I believe that with my whole heart.  But, if I don’t let people know our needs - well - but, there is still the Holy Spirit...  See my dilemma?  Am I taking things into my own hands by asking, is that some lack of faith that God will provide?  I don’t think so.  I think, for now, He has laid it on my heart to share our needs and watch Him take care of things.  But, I have to be honest, there is a voice in my head that tells me I lack faith and I am trusting in myself and not my God to provide.  - Go away stupid voice.  I love Jesus and I am confident He will accomplish more than I can even imagine.

With that said, there are some practical things that we really need and if someone else has them and doesn’t need them, we would be blessed.  However, I do not want anyone to give under compulsion - as I can assure you God will provide.  He promises He will meet every need we have, and He is FAITHFUL!

*  size L mens maroon athletic shorts - yes I am an Aggie, but it is really because that is the color the school insists he has. He probably needs two pair - one to wear while the other one is washing.
*  Assorted notebooks and spirals (one black binder for Maddy’s band) and spirals of any color for all three of the kiddos.
* A clarinet.  Used is fantastic - I just don’t know where to begin to find her an instrument and she really wants to be in band. There are many things that are needed for this (reeds and cleaning cloths and such).

I have to stop for a minute and tell you right now tears are rolling down my cheeks.  This is so hard to do.  Yes, pride... Yes, because it is hard to literally not be able to give my kids the things that they need for school...  Yes, because I would so much prefer to be on the other end of this email - searching for ways that we could help.  It is so not fun to feel unable to help someone else.  Probably one of the hardest parts of it all...  Ugh.  So. Not. Fun.

* a lawnmower (or someone who is good with stuff like that who could come fix ours that is broken)

* shorts for Maddy for athletics (also maroon I think)  size S/M - women’s.  She is about a women’s size 3 or 4.  I don’t know what they call that for athletic shorts.

* Other school supplies (like pencils and specific notebooks that I haven’t even found out about yet).

I want you to know from the deepest place in my heart that I am more thankful for your prayers than I can say.  I know what it is not to be able to help someone with a list -so if that is where you are - know that praying for us will do far more - and go much further than you could ever imagine.  So, from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you for every one who reads this - and even just for that moment - prays for our family.  God will provide and I can’t wait to share how He did it with you.

Much love,
~Christy
 

A call to repentence - the need for a response

I was privileged to get to go with a few beautiful friends of mine to Reliant Stadium this past Saturday.  I believe that I was there for an 'event' that is sure to change the course of history.
There was no political mumbo jumbo.
It was made quite clear - repeatedly, that no person was to receive glory that day.
The clapping and praising and crying out was to but One man - this God-man who is called Jesus.

Indeed, we stood to our feet when Dr. James (and Shirley) Dobson came out.  It was a moment I'll not forget.  It was beautiful to see with my eyes these precious souls who have poured out their lives for the One that matters.  It was not that we desired to give them praise, but an overwhelming feeling of thanks was rising in my heart to the One who predestined them to be captured in their hearts by Jesus.

There was no fear in uttering the name of Jesus.  Of course, we were crying out to God, but we were lifting high the Name above all names.  It was beautiful.  We also sang "America".  The beauty of coming together and singing of how God shed His grace on us, as Americans was something indeed.  We take it for granted every day.  This country is not great because of the great men who have led us.  This country is great because of the Great God who poured out His grace to those men. 

We began with worship.  We sang of the worth and beauty of Jesus Christ and we stood together proclaiming His grace and mercy.  After that, was a solemn time.  A time where we were led to reflect on our own personal sin - and repent for that before a Holy God.  It was a time of ownership.  It was not a time of blame, or a place where guilt was cast upon others.  It was a time to acknowledge our fault - accept our responsibility as the church for allowing our nation to come to this place in history.

Dr. Dobson recounted the time in history where the German army was coming against the British and French armies in the 1940's.  The Church of England called for a time of prayer and fasting.  3 days later, God answered their cries and the armies were saved.  God hears us when we humble ourselves and cry out to Him.

It was humbling to stand and think of how far we are from acknowledging our need for Him each day.  We have become altogether too self sufficient, only, we are not sufficient in ourselves at all.  Thus, the debt and the lack of family unity and the current state of our nation.  This drought can be ended by one word uttered from the mouth of God.  That is fact.  But, beloved friends, He LOVES US TOO MUCH to let us continue in the mindset that we are enough in and of ourselves!  We need Him.  We must cry out to Him alone for help.  The time for trusting in our 401k and our great "plans" is over.  Those financial things will not bring rain to the earth! (sorry, I digress...)
To get to the point here, I will give you the format and try to be brief in my elaboration :)
The four main prayer segments were this:  Personal Repentance.  Corporate Repentance.  The First Commandment.  And in closing, Prayer for Revival in America.
It was beautiful as the older generation stood and blessed the younger generation - and then in turn, the younger generation stood and blessed the older generation.  Staggering to see a small boy (maybe 9 or 10) stand and pray with conviction for his generation to rise up and call on the Lord.  My eyes could not contain the tears as he prayed.  The thought that Jesus was up there at that moment - hearing him - and loving him - solidified something deep in my heart.  God hears us when we pray.  God delights in His children and He will not fall silent when we come before Him in humility and ask Him to help.  He delights in us, beloved, and He made us to delight in Him.
There are many other things that took place in that place.  I was blessed that in my inability to get to the prayer room in Kansas City, God saw fit to bring a piece of it to me (and the other 30,000 people who were there).  It was just what my soul needed.  Brokenness.  Repentance.  Accountability.  Realization of our need.  Confidence in our Maker.  I know that the heart of the living God was moved.  I know He heard us, and I am continuing to pray that the hearts of the people will be turned back to Him.  I saw it in myself even as we were only 30 minutes down the road...  The tendency towards forgetting all that we had just confessed before the Father.  The tendency to look towards the next thing in my day, and my week.  God allowed me to see how quickly I forget.  So, I am asking Him not to let me forget.  Every cloud I see in the sky makes me believe that He is about to send the rain.  And, with that, I am asking that He would also reign over this great nation with His mighty power once again.
It is time.  Jesus, please come with mercy.

Bathrobes and other such stuff...

Well, I thought that was a nice change from my normal "title".  And, it is legit.  

I went to a training last week for my new job (which I love!).  We met at a ranch in Chapell Hill.  It was beautiful!  The landscape was amazing.  The other admin was so sweet - and our Regional Trainer - well, she and I are kindred spirits.  I simply loved her.  I loved the whole thing.  I got so tickled when we got there and there was a lime green bag - a gift on my bed.

The anticipation grew.
I really wanted to look, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate.
Turns out, I could have, but I waited just in case.

When it was a very appropriate time, I opened it up, and inside was a white bathrobe with the Younglife Logo - and our Region name embroidered on it.  Wow.  That was so cool.
It is the kind of robe that you want to steal from fancy hotels.  You know, the kind that make you want to act like a brat and order room service.  Yep.  It was mine, and just because the amazing people at Young Life wanted me to know that they appreciate me - and they value the work I do.  I still can't believe it.  I hadn't done a thing to earn that robe.  I didn't deserve that robe.  But, it was a gift.  And, I accepted it with deep gratitude in my heart.  So cool.

Now, when I wear it around the house, (which isn't often right now in this 100 degree weather), but when I do wear it...  I make my children refer to me as "Your Highness".  We all laugh, but deep inside I know it, I am royalty, and this was a really sweet way for the King of Kings to remind me that I am His daughter - and royalty indeed.

I love my soft robe, but more than that, I love the organization that made it, and the precious people who decided to give it to me, and even more than that... I love Jesus Christ - the One worth living for - at work, at home, and in all things.  What a gift.  The robe, the organization, the people, and the "job".  It is no longer necessary for me to fight for joy as I get ready for work.  It is easy to be filled with joy as I serve the Lord in this job.  This is such a precious gift after a very long time of striving to do my job with joy.  I wish everyone could love their job the way I do.  I really do.  I hope I never take for granted the way it feels to know I am right where God wants me to be (in this area, at least).  :)   

This is abundance.  This is what life is about.  Knowing Him, and making Him known.  Loving people well.  Reminding people that they are valued in the eyes of Him who created them and made them for His glory.  I am so thankful that Young Life wants to reach every kid with the good news of Jesus Christ.  What a sweet place this is to work.  I can't wait to become an old pro at the office stuff, so that I can serve more in the ministry of Young Life.   Coolest. Job. Ever!

God is faithful.  He will never fail us.  Never.  That doesn't mean things will be easy.  But, it does mean that we are not subject to our circumstances.  We can trust God's plans for us - they are always best, and He can take any situation and turn it for His glory, and our good.   

Let's get some perspective...

It goes without saying that I am not Jesus, or God.  (okay, okay, you can stop laughing now...)

It goes without saying that you aren't either.

Funny how this can be so complicated to remember sometimes.

It struck me (again) today that we humans have a tendency to find what works for us - what the Spirit is leading us individually to do, and put that off on other people.  Somehow, those who are not called to the same type things are just viewed as morbidly stuck without hope for abundance.  But, that really is not true.

Let me explain what I am talking about.  I will hit on two or three very common lines of thinking.  Beginning with the newest - and most widely spreading form of "better than".  Now, don't get me wrong.  I do not feel like any of these things I am going to address are wrong or right in and of themselves.  And, I am hoping not to even let on to what I personally do in any of these situations.  I want to be as unbiased as possible.  However, in all of this there is a danger.  A very wise woman said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."  I just absolutely believe that is true.  You can not and will not be a better someone else than they are.  You are meant to be YOU.  God made you the way He made you and He made you (wonderful) for a purpose.  YOUR purpose.  Not your friend's purpose, or the people you spend the most time with.  You specifically are to be You.  That is what He has called you to be.  And that, when lived to the fullest is BEAUTIFUL!  No matter what it looks like.

People who are likeminded usually end up conforming to be almost an exact replica of someone they esteem - which then becomes...  (deep breath)  idolatry.  Before you want to hang me, please read on because I believe there is freedom here that is being stolen from so many of us!  There is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with people who are like you.  It is a beautiful thing to realize that although you are uniquely you - you are not terribly unlike many other people.  So, it is natural and good to join with those who think the same way as you for support and to encourage each other towards godliness.  However, when you decided that you are going to let that person be your Holy Spirit, you are losing something very precious.  You are losing the ability to hear the Lord for yourself, and live your life unto its fullest purpose.

Three distinct topics of discussion that consistently present themselves to me:
1.  Kids and church:  to attend "big church" with them or send them to sunday school (or children's worship)
2.  Homeschooling vs. Christian schools vs. public schools
3.  Breastfeeding vs. the bottle

Whew - that is certainly a list isn't it?  I can almost feel the glares as I tread these waters....  hang in there.  You can let me know what you think when it is all said and done.  (This is the beauty of a blog)  I get to speak my mind first, and then you can respond once I've already said (almost) all that I have to say about it.  :)

Church:  The two "sides":
1. Why doesn't everyone just take their children to church with them?  Parenting in the pew builds character and they need the message too.  I am a better parent if I take them with me instead of pushing them off on someone else to watch them.  I feel sad for the parents who won't embrace this part of their calling.  Just because we are at church, I don't stop being their main teacher of the Truths in Scripture.  This is my primary calling - to be the best wife and mother to my husband and children.
2.  Why would I EVER take my kids with me to church?  I finally get a "break".  Am I a selfish failure if I like the idea of Sunday school for my kids?  I can't hear the message that I desperately need if I am constantly correcting them and having to parent when there is a perfectly wonderful (and age appropriate) message meant just for them.  When I take them, I can't learn from the Lord what I need to do.  It is such a hinderance.  It makes me a worse parent, not a better parent to have them with me.

You want to know what I think?  There are two very important things to get to before I can tell you.
1.  What does God prompt you to do?
Are you doing one thing or another because you feel guilty and selfish for doing it one way or the other?  Are you being convicted about it, and just being resistant because you just don't like the idea of it?  The ONLY thing that matters is what is God saying to you?  What does your husband feel about this area?  Follow his leading.  God made him the head of your household for a reason.  Even if you completely disagree with him, your job is to follow him and trust that the Lord has bigger things to teach you in the process!  Every child is different - if you have more than one you already know this.  Every family is different.  Yours does not have to look exactly like what someone else thinks it should.  It should only matter what God thinks about it.  He will make it clear to you.  But guilt is not the same thing as conviction. In fact, they are extremely different things.  The only right thing to do is the thing that God says is right for your family.  No matter how strong the argument is that someone else is trying to convince you with.  It never says in the Bible, "Thou shalt send your children to Sunday School" or "Thou shalt take your children into big church with you".  Nope, this is not a matter of godly and ungodly.  This is a matter of learning from the Wisest teacher of all - the Holy Spirit.
2.  What is your motive?
This is not a fun question usually.  It typically uncovers something ugly.  Maybe you want to be seen as "more spiritual" as a family.  Maybe you want to be seen as someone who "doesn't make an idol" of your family.  Either way - pride can easily be at the root of this.  When you decide to judge others, or let others judge you based on the preferences you have in worship, you are giving way to pride - and that is neither pretty, nor holy.  I have heard this both ways.  "The Lord teaches me so much when I have my kids with me.  I am so selfish...."  and "I just need time with Jesus.  My family is not my idol.  I love them, but God gets first place with me, so my kids don't need to take from that time."  Both things can be said and it be good - and both things can be said and it is prideful.  It all comes down to motive.

So, it gets easier from here to know what I think about all of it... homeschooling, private school, public school.  Breastfeeding, bottles...  it is all up to God.  Even adoption.  This is another "hot topic".  You are not more godly if you adopt a child - necessarily.  You are not selfish to want biological children - necessarily.  Our family is not more holy because we had the deep desire to adopt in our hearts.  Our family is not less holy because we had four biological children first.  WHAT DOES GOD WANT FOR YOU?  This is the only thing that matters.  I think it is good for us to be prompted to think on these things.  It is good to think about all the children who are already born that need love and so much more.... but it isn't a rule then that every "good Christian" should adopt.  That is like saying not having children is a sin.  It can be.  But, it can also be what God calls you to- let Him be God for everyone else and just worry about what He says is His will for your family.  You can share the ways the Lord uses things to help others have a different perspective.  But, my perspective and your perspective are not God's.  For His ways are higher than my own, as are His thoughts.  That is the Truth of it all.  He alone will judge the hearts of men.
Last rant before I sign off on this topic...  if whatever you are doing is a constant struggle and you are not learning from the Lord.  Seek His face.  Ask Him to show you what is best.  If you are constantly under condemnation (this is not from God) and feeling guilty - then you need to remember that it is better to live for the One who created you and can destroy your soul than to live to please any man.  You may need to take some time to pray and read the Word and ask God what His will is for you.  And, of course, if you are married - the answer is simple.  Follow the lead of the one who was meant to lead you.  :)  For wives, that is the husband and (of course) Jesus.  For the husband - that is Jesus.    

Essentially, it all comes down to obedience.  Are you doing it because everyone else does, or are you doing it because God said to?  That is really all that matters.  Really.

Celebrate that God has made your family uniquely for Himself.  Set apart in your minds that He is the Lord of all - and surrender to that which He calls you to.  It will by far be the best option!

My unchanging God!

I am so excited about the season of life we are entering!  I love to look forward to the things that I know God has prepared for us.  Even the hard things.  That is harder to live moment by moment than to say, but it is DEEP within my heart that He has purposed only good things for my life.  That doesn't mean only good circumstances, it means, in His economy, the things that come from the hard stuff are far more glorious than the hard things would lead you to believe. 
God's character never changes. 

I love that about Him.  He remains the same.  Everything in life changes.  Everything but God. 
He is steadfast, firm, unfailing, never ending, and completely loving.  Even when He allows us to walk through something ugly.  Even then.  He is the same. 
It has been an interesting couple of weeks.  If you were with me, like right beside me right now.  I would use my hands to make an illustration.  So, imagine with me for a minute...
My left hand holds this part of my life right now that is hard.  It is filled with struggles (almost entirely financial) and hardships.  All things out of my control, and nothing "easy" lives in that hand.  I find myself constantly reminding myself that this too shall pass... this will not be the state of our lives forever.  This financial paralysis will not forever keep me from being able to bless others financially.  That seems to be the hardest part.  I love to give gifts to people.  I am selfish in that (honestly).  I love to give someone the money for a pedicure that couldn't have otherwise had that treat.  Of course, I find it even more wonderful when I am able to go with her!  But, it is actually painful to me to hear of needs and to know of people raising support that I cannot help because my hands are bound by the financial issues surrounding our lives.  Boo.  I mean it.  Boo.
My right hand... on the other hand :)  is filled with abundance.  I finished writing my book.  I am starting a new job Tuesday that I believe with all of my heart I was made for.  I am so excited to start working - it is everything in me not to go up there every day and bug the precious lady who is working now!  I can't wait!!!   In addition, I am deeply blessed with my husband, my children and other happy "life" things that I am watching God uncover every day.  One example of this is the way He has provided exactly the right place to take my kiddos for the few hours a week I will need care for them.  He is abundant.  It is a place where, the deep things in my heart that have been waiting for so long to be stirred are finally free to jump and dance and sing!  He is giving me the desires of my heart - that He placed there long ago.  I have been long meaning to look up the verse in 2 Corinthians 1 that talks to this exactly - so I am including it here. (NIV) ¹⁸ But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” ¹⁹For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” ²⁰ For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 
This verse in and of itself is blessing me right now more than I can speak of (more on this later).  But, my right hand is literally full right now of the things that have long been "wait", and now is the time for the "yes"!  Praise Him for His precious timing!
However (now gesturing with both of my hands - lifting each up as I make my point) one overflowing with abundance, and one full of hardship, I would be the first to tell you that my God is the same God in both places.  He just chooses to manifest Himself differently in each one.  He - His character, His love and every other thing about Him is so unchanging - so very much the same in the places of hardship as He is in the places of abundance.  It is just that He cares more about the condition of our hearts than He does the condition of our wallets - and sometimes it takes the one to get to the other (sad we are in this flesh)!  He wants to teach us, and love us in those hard places because in those areas, we realize how deeply dependent we really are!  We never have control over things, and yet, often we are able to live under the illusion that we do.  But, anyone who has faced hardship at the hands of another knows the validity to this line of thinking.  No mother chooses for her child to get in a car wreck because someone else was texting, or drinking, or not paying attention.  We can train our children how not to do those things, but we have NO CONTROL over the actions of others.  Anyway, the important thing here is that there is great comfort in knowing that all of God's intentions towards me are holy and pure.  He seeks the good for us in areas that we didn't even know to be looking for it.  He is truly a gracious and merciful Father.  There is much peace in knowing that He delights in me as His child, and though His thoughts are higher than mine, and His ways higher and different than mine - He the Creator of the Universe - has it all laid out, and it is all good.
For God is good and everything He does is good.  Amen and Amen!

Blessed!

Blessed beyond measure.

That is the only way I can describe my life.

I have a wonderful, more-handsome-by-the-year husband.  Five beautiful, respectful (most of the time) and healthy children.

I have a job that I believe I was created for...  And a God who never quits on me.  I do not always follow Him - or heed His warnings.  But, I am always deeply loved.  I am always protected, and never forgotten.  How amazing is that?

We have a lot of hard things to face ahead as a family.  We are in over our heads in many areas in our lives.  We have a lot of things to figure out and a lot of things we wish we could wiggle our nose and make disappear.  HOWEVER, God is going to help us rearrange our lives to look like He desires because He is so concerned with our hearts and because He loves us perfectly.   Perfectly.  Without flaw.  Everything He does is good.  Everything He desires for us is good - and no matter what it looks like on the outside, that is the Truth from the depths and riches of the Word of God.

I adore this Savior who adored me first.  I am enthralled by His love and I yearn to spend more of my days telling Him how much He is worthy of my praise!

Life is never easy, but God’s grace is sufficient.  Today, find a few things to thank Him for - even if you have too look really hard at your life.  Make a small list and build on that.  Each day look for the thing that is His reminder to you that He is still there.  He is.  He sees you and He loves you, no matter what choices you have made.

Be blessed!

A Birthday of Blessings!

I woke up to a hand-made (sweet and of course, witty) card from my husband. 

I snuggled on the couch with my babies and ate breakfast.  :)

We met a friend at the movies for the incredible 50 cent Summer movie clubhouse!  (Loved seeing you Tiff - even though it was only for a bit!)

I was spoiled and treated to lunch by my beautiful friend, Mary.  Who also brought me my favorite coffee creamer, the beautiful flowers in the picture, and a new book!!!  I praise God because she knows me so well  - it was perfect - all of it.  My favorite part was getting to chat with her - I am always so blessed by her friendship and love.  Beautiful.

Another precious friend (Thanks Trish!) from our home group treated me to a massage!  Oh man, did I really need that.  It was simply delightful!

Then, my amazing personal chef (also known as my hubby, Ken) made me a steak dinner and his famous Cobb Salad - which is outstanding!  To top it off, he baked me a Red Velvet Cake and lit all 35 candles :) 
Then, I went to work out at BoomFIT with my sweet friend Debi (whom it has been entirely too long since we've hung out!).  I wanted to puke (after eating steak) - but it was really great and I felt good about it after the nausea wore off  :)

Countless friends called, emailed, texted and wrote on my FB wall - with birthday wishes.  So blessed. 

What a day!  My kids sang to me and loved on me all day.  I had sweet fellowship with friends and time to just relax (and pray and read). 

It was a perfect day!   I found myself being so grateful for my family and friends. 

I was especially blessed when my phone rang at 10:20pm!  My friend who lives in East Asia called me to wish me happy birthday.  We got to skype for over and hour and I just cried because of how good it was to see her face and hear her heart.  I have missed her so greatly over this past year!

I couldn't have designed a better day.  It was simply beautiful. 

I am so thankful for the gifts the Lord has given me in my friends.  I can't imagine not having a close group of people who I can share my dreams and my hurts and my heart with!   Each birthday wish, every sweet gesture and the time invested in my life from these precious people is priceless to me. 
What an amazing God to have planned my life before I was even created!  To think He knew every person I would come in contact with - each person that would enrich my life in some way or another...  wow.  What a good and gracious God! 

Today I am still just reveling in the goodness of God.  And, today, I got to enjoy coffee with a new dear friend, Dayna.  It was so exciting to hear how similar some of the desires in our hearts are.  Sweet!  Really sweet! 

I am so thankful for the hand of God in my life.  I am so thankful to be His child.  I am so thankful to have the friends that I have (every single one of you!) 

What a joy to hope in the Lord and have fellowship with others who are like-minded! My heart delights in the great things He is doing.  He is so worthy of my adoration.  He has surely done great things... and He will surely continue to do great things. 

Thinking outside the box...

I am not usually one to brag too much on my kiddos.  Let's face it... everybody thinks their kids are amazing. 

But, look at this picture.  Do you see a random assortment of junk?  Or do you see what he saw, mind you - before it was built? 
J-A-R-E-D. 
He built his name from a pile of garbage. 

I would have NEVER thought to do something like that.  I just don't "see" that way.  But, he sees everything through the lens of creativity. 
Read this:

The War in the Town
By: Jared

Oned day
A baby
Was being born
That day
There was
A war
The baby's mom
Risked
Her life
For the baby
And died

He is 8 years old.  He was told to write a poem - about whatever he thought of - leaving spaces between the lines.  Unbelievable. 
He dreams about moving to New York and putting his art in a museum.  If I am not mistaken... he is well on his way. 
What a cool kid.  Yep, he's mine.  :)

Dangerously Close...

Dangerously close...

Isn’t it something when we are so passionate about something that it makes us cry at the thought of it?  I have a few things like that stored deep in my heart.

I love to worship.  I love to write.  I love to read the Word.  Chances are if you and I were to sit and chat for any length of time about any of those subjects, tears would just spring to my eyes.  They are the deep things in my heart.

God made me that way.  He set those things up in my heart before I was born, to bring me life and abundance in Him.  The things that He desires for us - the abundant life - the promised land that is here and now - must be related to these deep things.  That is why I cry.  It is the unbelief (to some degree) that springs up.  It is the voice of the evil one who wants me to believe that those things are never going to come to pass.   I am just not good enough (well, certainly with the Holy Spirit I am not), or talented enough... Or so many other things.  It is why it is hard to share in groups of people - for fear of sounding foolish or prideful.

But, those of you who really know me, know that I am more and more about keeping it real, and less and less about keeping these things to myself.  God created me for a purpose.  He created me to unashamedly live for Him - in whatever way He chooses.

My book has 3 half-chapters left.  That is simply surreal.  First of all that I am actually so close to being finished.  Secondly, that I am a mere 5 to 6 hours away from needing to figure out about publishing.  And thirdly, that the cover (hand drawn by a dear friend) is perfectly perfect - and already drawn.   I think I always knew it would really be done, but I guess it has just been “Wait” for so long.

This week, I anticipate that my heart will be stirred up in many ways.  I have found some bitterness that lies within my heart.  That is a bummer.  I hate it when I think that I have dealt with something that I have not fully dealt with.  Yuck.  But, I am excited to say that God was gracious enough to shed His light on it, and I am going to choose to be willing to let Him heal my broken heart.  It will probably include being very transparent in an awkward situation, but that is okay.  God is worth it.  He is always worthy of anything I can do to bring Him glory.

Tonight, I want to encourage you to write down the deep things in your heart.  You don’t have to share them with anyone.  But, if you want to believe that God has stirred something within you for a purpose, you ought to tell someone you can trust.  You could even share it with me anonymously.  I love dreams.  God is truly the giver of our passions.  But, the enemy would love to keep us in the place that halts any progression towards the things God has set deep within.  Whatever that thing is that stirs your heart up for God - write it down and seek Him for what He wants from you in it right now.  Maybe it is time to pray.  Maybe it is time to share it with someone, or a close group of people.  If you have not read it, I highly encourage you to read “Waking the Dead”, by John Eldridge.  Talk about reminding us of the importance of seeking out the things of the heart!!  Whew - it is a great read and a good thing for those of us who are parched in this sun-scorched land.

Now, off to finish the book - or make a good run at it.  Sleep well, friends.  Dream big.  Leaving your hands wide open for the Lord to give and take away... 

Puzzle pieces...

Today was such a neat day.  I interviewed for a job with an organization that has a super-great ministry! 

My heart was literally overwhelmed with peace and filled with joy at the thought of working there. 

All of a sudden, many of the little, strange parts of my experience... like puzzle pieces were all coming together to form something I hadn't been able to see before.  It was like I had a giant puzzle that was full of beautiful scenery - in patches - but had many pieces missing... and all of a sudden whole areas of the puzzle were becoming filled in - revealing even more beautiful landscapes than I had been able to distinguish from the hole-ridden puzzle only moments before.  I hope that makes sense. 
I have been asking God to use me for the purposes He created me for.  He knows me, inside and out.  He knows all of my areas of weakness.  He knows all of the circumstances that have come into my life.  He knows all.  He designed me.  He put passion inside my heart for things - and He alone knows how to bring it all together. 
Prayerful consideration is where we are in "the hiring process".  We are praying to see if God reveals any "red flags" over this next week - giving Him the freedom to say "no", or "wait", or anything else He wants to say.  And, I am at complete peace.  That is only by the Holy Spirit.  I have never felt like something was such a perfect fit for my "bents".  You know, the way you are "bent" as a person.  The things that you love.  The things that bring life to your soul and revive your weary heart. 
Today I allowed my heart to fully engage in the "dream" of what could be.  What a sweet time it was to believe for the things that God has placed in my heart.   And tonight, I hold my hands high - filled to the brim with that same dream - and offer it right back to the One who has the authority to give or to take it away.  And peace like a river attends my way...  Rich streams of mercy flood my heart and I am enraptured by the One who is worthy of my praise.   I would rather live in the (faith-stretching) abundance of God than in the insecure place that comes with trusting in my own plans - or ability.  He alone can bring together a perfect fit. 
Tonight my heart is full of adoration and praise.  Tonight I rejoice that He is faithful and I am His beloved.