Stronger by the minute...

This morning that pesky predator tried in one more way to shake things up around here.

Mia had an episode.  We are unclear on if she actually had a seizure and then was passing out, or if she was just unable to breathe well, and was fighting passing out, but no matter how you cut it, we ended up in the emergency room with a little girl who had eyes rolling in the back of her head and went limp for about 3 minutes.
Jake responded quickly and correctly.  I was praising God that he kept presence of mind in the absence of normality.  She was face first in her highchair making a horrible breathing noise.  He called for me and pulled her out as fast as he could.  It was scary.  I am not given to fear - usually about anything. But, I remember distinctly asking out loud for Jesus to help and then holding my "ragdoll" of a little girl in my arms and watching her fight losing consciousness.  I never want to see that again.

It hit me after she came to, and could respond to me that it was another attack.  That prowler just won't get off our backs.  But, at the same time I realized something else.  The more he throws hardship in our path, the more I am believing the Truth - because I am saying it over and over again.  I know that God is only good and wants only good for us.  I also know that He sees us and loves us more than we could possibly love each other.  God is stronger.  God is better.  God can do all things because He is the Creator of all things.  There is nothing too difficult for Him.  I am realizing that I am more convinced after this morning than I was yesterday that God is good - and that He only wants good for our family.  I think I am convinced more because I am declaring it more often.  It is not that I don't want a break from the drama... but I am falling more deeply in love with Jesus through it. 

We went to the ER and didn't find anything wrong.  We will follow up with tests tomorrow... an EEG and she is now on medicine for Bronchitis.  She didn't have fever... she didn't have pneumonia.  She just had this episode... and all be it scary, I knew through the whole thing that God had us in His hands the whole time.  After sleeping through two breathing treatments back to back - and after thirty minutes of hacking up mucus... my baby girl was her normal self again.  She only wanted her mommy, and her mommy wanted nothing more than to snuggle her tight.  It was a perfect match.  We have snuggled all day - and I am so very thankful for my beautiful girl.  Even in the hospital, she laid on my chest and we watched Bugs Bunny together.  I am so thankful for each of my kids... they are all so loving and tender with each other - and they are recognizing through all of this that God is stronger too.
Please know that no matter how dark the situation, the Light always wins.  Always.  Darkness has no authority over the light.  Tonight, I will lie down and sleep in peace because my heart is steadfast - trusting in God.
I pray that you know that same peace.  The peace that passes all understanding and brings comfort in the midst of every situation.

Butterflies in my stomach!

It is finished.

Ready to order.

I had bought two copies and made an enormous amount of changes - but now, it is really ready.  Ready for you to read if you want to.

I can't explain what it feels like to hold in my hands this labor of my heart.  I have loved writing.  I have hated editing! :) I have cried while I  wrote.  I have laughed.  I have loved laboring over this book.  It is surreal to think that I am finished - finally!

It is my prayer that this book would be a blessing to anyone who reads it.  I am begging the Lord that He would reach down and make Himself known - in whatever way He chooses through the pages of this book.  He has certainly made Himself known to me through the writing of it.

We are all broken.  But, that isn't where the story should end.  Praise God He can make good from the things that were meant for evil in our lives. 

Where the Rubber meets the Road

Tonight I sat outside for a little while.  My back porch has a really nice breeze and the clouds were beautiful passing in front of the moon.  It was nice.  I shared my deepest thoughts with Jesus.  I whispered to God that I knew He was there, and He was good, and that I know He sees me.
I told Him how I am tired of things breaking my heart that don't break His.
He reminded me that He catches all of my tears and keeps them in a bottle.
He reminded me that when my heart aches, His aches for me.

It was sweet to remember how very much He loves me.

I am asking Him to heal me.  I am asking Him to heal my broken heart.  I am asking Him to be near to me.  He is hearing me.  And He will answer.

Tonight I thanked Him that He sees me.  I thanked Him that He will come back for us.  I asked Him to make my heart grieve over the things that aren't about me.  I asked Him to help me with my perspective.
He is hearing us.  He will answer us.  He knows everything we need before the words form on our tongues.
It got me to thinking that this is really where the rubber meets the road for me.  The last year has been full of hardships.  More than I can put words to.  But, the greatest of them all has not been resolved.  By my human perspective... it is hopeless.  Thanks be to God that He hasn't left it up to my human perspective!  So, tonight for me, in a significant way, I had to ask myself what Truth is...  and I have found that Truth is that nothing is impossible for God.  Nothing.  Truth is that my God will never leave me or forsake me, and I can rest in that all day long, every day.  Truth is that He is coming back to get us, and what matters is how we spend our days between now and then.  Truth is, this life is not about me....  but about the One that made me and created me for a purpose.  He created you too, and for a distinct purpose, and for such a time as this.
I will rest tonight, full of peace and grasping tightly to the Hope that I have in Jesus.  And, I will be caught up in His love and in awe of His glory as I rest in the shadow of His wings.