Ugh... being human...I want to do this right

The workings inside the heart are interesting for sure. I would love to say that throughout this journey my heart has not been divided. However, I would not be human if somewhere deep inside the urge to pack Mia up, holding her tightly in my arms screaming “mine, mine, mine…” and move to Mexico tomorrow wasn’t inside of me. That is the beauty of God. He knows this about me. He knows in my weakness, when my thoughts start to wander to an “easier” path that I want to run away with her. Run away period. Life is not easy or tidy. I am so weak in my flesh. And it is costly. Not costly as far as the world sees, but costly in my spirit – to my heart. I am missing out on intimacy with God that nothing else will replace. There is no excitement, or love, or joy that compares to those found in the Lord. If you have not known this personally, you shouldn’t just take my word for it. You should taste and see that the Lord is good. Start with 30 minutes a day in the Word. Then increase it to 45. Once you begin you won’t be the same, and you won’t want to miss it. He will speak things into your life… into your heart that will be like sweet music to the soul! You won’t ever know what it is to be loved until you grasp a little bit of how He loves you. You won’t ever know what it is to ache until you have shared His ache for the lost and the wounded. He has set all things up to reveal His glory, but His glory lies in binding up the brokenhearted and setting the captives free. He is a God of freedom. He is a God who loves perfectly. How could I doubt what He has planned for our family, for Mia, for Candice? It is impossible when I look at how He has operated in my life to this point. I feel young, and still I feel like He has revealed Himself, and His faithfulness to me so many times and in so many ways in my life! I am so blessed to have watched Him heal my sister from leukemia, perfectly heal my mother (through death on the earth), bring me a husband and five amazing children! Our businesses, our lives, our everything are as a result of His grace and mercy in our lives. We were bound for divorce, out of money, out of luck, out of hope until the Lord reached in and made Himself so real to us. I’ll never forget. He didn’t tell us “Hey, I’ll get you out of this mess.” He said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” It is in the seeking that we are blessed. Not seeking Him for the sake of blessing, but seeking Him and His kingdom. He is worth seeking. He is worth everything. Oh, if I could only be like the man in the field who went and sold everything he had to go buy the field with the priceless pearl. Would I really sell it all? Would I? If God took away everything from me, would I live like Anna in the temple praising Him night and day, or would I look to fill my life up with other things. I am not sure that I know my heart well enough to answer that correctly. I know what I want to say. I know what I want to be true… but I am not sure that I would do it right! The time is coming where we need to be fighting hard against our flesh… and the pull seems to be getting stronger. God is faithful and God is worthy! Help us Lord to be faithful to you!