So, the question of the hour seems to be “How was your trip?”
If only I had words to describe just how it was. It was beautiful. It was devastating. It was full of affirmation and hope… it was full of pain and disappointment. My heart was stirred to know Jesus in such a deeper way. My heart is ruined for this earth. I cannot enjoy the things that I used to without aching for the “more” that I know is there. I had forgotten that I was His beloved again. I knew it with all of my head, but I felt it with none of my heart. For years – literally- all I have known is what is already in my mind – truth about the Lord. I lost the “feeling” of worship many years ago. I have a quiet peace with it now. Thought it ruined me in the beginning. When I stand in worship – there is no feeling of the presence of the Lord. When I pray on my face before the Lord, there is no feeling of His presence. I KNOW He is there. It is not a question. He is with me always, every moment. I used to say my heart feels dead - broken. It does. Things that I think should make me cry – don’t. And things that never broke my heart before do. But, the greatest thing – the biggest truth is that God’s Word is true. He will never leave me, He will never abandon me. He is with me in every place, through every season. Whether I feel it or not. God does not lie.
I saw men and women (young and quite old – American, Asian, Indian…) worshipping before the Lord with all of their might. I thought of David. I thought of Michal. My heart aches for those I know who have worshipped like that and are now sidelined by the enemy. I grieved… and I grieved. My heart aches for those who have never known worship like that…unashamed – really. I know the image of that 50-something, 4 foot 11 tall Asian man jumping before the Lord in worship will never leave my mind. It brought rivers of tears from my eyes. Do we not think that we will dance before the Lord in Heaven? Why do we run from His love? Why do we not embrace how He pursues us? His heart grieves over those who refuse to understand the depth of His heart toward them. For those who continue in their own way – even without direction from His voice, because of their desires to please men. Don’t they know that was the way of King Saul?
I was devastated to look at all of the ways I pursue my own interests when He is only interested in how well I am loving Him, and as a result, loving others. I am realizing how much – though I know it isn’t true in my mind – I still feel like I have to work to gain His favor. I am learning to rest in Him again. To rest in His perfect love of my imperfect love. It is sweet.
My heart was grieved to realize how many blessings and promises we are missing out on because we have placed our magnificent God in a box. A box labeled “RELIGION”. A box for the Pharisees who cannot grasp that there is no way to gain the favor of a holy God. Even the most well meaning of us have become Pharisees to some degree. We have taken hold of the lesser and are blindly groping for abundance. It doesn’t fit in the box. Abundance beckons us to come outside the box.
I may be talking like I am out of my mind. I am really. I am slipping into a place of security in my Savior that I have missed for a long time. I am resting as He confirms things to my heart. I am listening as He speaks in the smallest whisper. He is talking to me again. He was only quiet to test my heart. In my mind, I didn’t pass… praise God that in His – I did. He sees my heart – and that is what is important to Him… my heart. Like David, He is seeking after the inside of me, not the outside of me. Praise Him that He looks at the inward appearance, and not the outward like man does. Oh, if we could just get a hold of that for real!
I am coming out of the desert… like the Shulamite in Song of Solomon whose friends said, “Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover?” Yes, Jesus… I am leaning on you, and it is sweetness. So, that is how my trip was. There are many more things. My precious baby literally said, “Abba.” My heart lept. He was sleeping, soundly, and there was a cry from the pulpit, “Who of you will be a forerunner for this generation?” and I kid you not, his baby arm went flying into the air. The cry came a second time, and a second time his arms (both of them this time) went flying into the air. Would you believe me if I told you it happened more than twice. It doesn’t matter if you do or not, it is true. I know he was born to worship Jesus in a time of trial and devastation. He will lead men to worship before the Lord unashamedly. I am certain of this in my heart.
I prayed for my children like never before and understood my role to prepare them for the times that are coming. Do not get me wrong, no one knows when the “end times” will begin. The judgements of God, and the rage of Satan. But, I know that we are to prepare them for it as if it will happen in their time. So that they can prepare their children – who if it is that far away can pass it on to the next generation. It is time to fear the Lord. It is time to recognize Him as a God who will bring Justice to the earth… and He will bring His judgments. Do we not remember the plagues? Do we think that He is less powerful now than He was then? I submit to you that He isn’t. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My God is the Almighty God.
There is much more, but I am afraid that I will run out of room to write! Praise God for the trip. Praise God from whom all blessings flow… Praise Him all creatures here below… Oh He is an amazing God! Praise God that my alabaster box is enough! Let the fragrance arise!
If only I had words to describe just how it was. It was beautiful. It was devastating. It was full of affirmation and hope… it was full of pain and disappointment. My heart was stirred to know Jesus in such a deeper way. My heart is ruined for this earth. I cannot enjoy the things that I used to without aching for the “more” that I know is there. I had forgotten that I was His beloved again. I knew it with all of my head, but I felt it with none of my heart. For years – literally- all I have known is what is already in my mind – truth about the Lord. I lost the “feeling” of worship many years ago. I have a quiet peace with it now. Thought it ruined me in the beginning. When I stand in worship – there is no feeling of the presence of the Lord. When I pray on my face before the Lord, there is no feeling of His presence. I KNOW He is there. It is not a question. He is with me always, every moment. I used to say my heart feels dead - broken. It does. Things that I think should make me cry – don’t. And things that never broke my heart before do. But, the greatest thing – the biggest truth is that God’s Word is true. He will never leave me, He will never abandon me. He is with me in every place, through every season. Whether I feel it or not. God does not lie.
I saw men and women (young and quite old – American, Asian, Indian…) worshipping before the Lord with all of their might. I thought of David. I thought of Michal. My heart aches for those I know who have worshipped like that and are now sidelined by the enemy. I grieved… and I grieved. My heart aches for those who have never known worship like that…unashamed – really. I know the image of that 50-something, 4 foot 11 tall Asian man jumping before the Lord in worship will never leave my mind. It brought rivers of tears from my eyes. Do we not think that we will dance before the Lord in Heaven? Why do we run from His love? Why do we not embrace how He pursues us? His heart grieves over those who refuse to understand the depth of His heart toward them. For those who continue in their own way – even without direction from His voice, because of their desires to please men. Don’t they know that was the way of King Saul?
I was devastated to look at all of the ways I pursue my own interests when He is only interested in how well I am loving Him, and as a result, loving others. I am realizing how much – though I know it isn’t true in my mind – I still feel like I have to work to gain His favor. I am learning to rest in Him again. To rest in His perfect love of my imperfect love. It is sweet.
My heart was grieved to realize how many blessings and promises we are missing out on because we have placed our magnificent God in a box. A box labeled “RELIGION”. A box for the Pharisees who cannot grasp that there is no way to gain the favor of a holy God. Even the most well meaning of us have become Pharisees to some degree. We have taken hold of the lesser and are blindly groping for abundance. It doesn’t fit in the box. Abundance beckons us to come outside the box.
I may be talking like I am out of my mind. I am really. I am slipping into a place of security in my Savior that I have missed for a long time. I am resting as He confirms things to my heart. I am listening as He speaks in the smallest whisper. He is talking to me again. He was only quiet to test my heart. In my mind, I didn’t pass… praise God that in His – I did. He sees my heart – and that is what is important to Him… my heart. Like David, He is seeking after the inside of me, not the outside of me. Praise Him that He looks at the inward appearance, and not the outward like man does. Oh, if we could just get a hold of that for real!
I am coming out of the desert… like the Shulamite in Song of Solomon whose friends said, “Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover?” Yes, Jesus… I am leaning on you, and it is sweetness. So, that is how my trip was. There are many more things. My precious baby literally said, “Abba.” My heart lept. He was sleeping, soundly, and there was a cry from the pulpit, “Who of you will be a forerunner for this generation?” and I kid you not, his baby arm went flying into the air. The cry came a second time, and a second time his arms (both of them this time) went flying into the air. Would you believe me if I told you it happened more than twice. It doesn’t matter if you do or not, it is true. I know he was born to worship Jesus in a time of trial and devastation. He will lead men to worship before the Lord unashamedly. I am certain of this in my heart.
I prayed for my children like never before and understood my role to prepare them for the times that are coming. Do not get me wrong, no one knows when the “end times” will begin. The judgements of God, and the rage of Satan. But, I know that we are to prepare them for it as if it will happen in their time. So that they can prepare their children – who if it is that far away can pass it on to the next generation. It is time to fear the Lord. It is time to recognize Him as a God who will bring Justice to the earth… and He will bring His judgments. Do we not remember the plagues? Do we think that He is less powerful now than He was then? I submit to you that He isn’t. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My God is the Almighty God.
There is much more, but I am afraid that I will run out of room to write! Praise God for the trip. Praise God from whom all blessings flow… Praise Him all creatures here below… Oh He is an amazing God! Praise God that my alabaster box is enough! Let the fragrance arise!
