Sunday, November 25, 2012

Three little words...

I don't know.

More and more I am finding that I come to God saying "I don't know".  I actually am finding that there is freedom in that.  To know that I don't know - but He does.  To know that there are things I cannot make sense of - but, it doesn't matter.  God doesn't ask me to know or be able to explain the deep and hidden mysteries.  He asks me to love Him.  He asks me to love others.  He asks me to tell others that He loves them.  He asks me to obey Him.  He is surely far beyond my understanding.  And, I am okay with that. 

I haven't always been. 

I have said I understood things that I couldn't possibly have understood.  I have wounded those that were already wounded because I didn't understand, and yet, claimed that I did.  But, by His grace, and through His mercy, I have had the opportunity to see the ways I was hurting the Lord by hurting those who loved Him that I didn't understand or agree with. 

I have a dear friend... one whom I prayed with, one whom I loved deeply.  I did not fully understand her situation, nor did I fully understand what the Word had to say to her... and when she was wounded, I wounded her further by my lack of love.  I thought I was loving her - through rebuke.  I really did.  I thought that I would "straighten her out" with the Word.  How arrogant I was to think that I understood her situation or that I was telling her something she hadn't already searched out for herself.  We hadn't talked in many years.  Essentially, I told her she would have to forgo my friendship in order to walk in the path she was headed in.  And, I have only just realized this month how much I owed her an apology.  My heart ached at the ways I wounded her when all she really needed was someone to lean on.  Someone to tell her that God is enough.  God is able to heal and to help and to rescue. 

I had the privilege to find her this past week and tell her how sorry I was, and to ask her to forgive me.  And, she had the grace to forgive me.  That is the goodness of the God we serve.  I was wrong.  I asked for forgiveness and she extended it to me.  I love her - and I am thankful that God alone carried her through her trial.  She is stronger and even more full of grace than before. 

I want to be one who brings words of life and healing and hope to people who are broken... I don't want to bring death with my words.  I don't want pride to stand in the way anymore.  Though, I am confident that God wants us to speak the Truth in love, and to call sin - sin... I am going to pray more than I speak (hopefully) and use my words to build up rather than tear down. 

I am human.  I am so very flawed.  I sin every single day.  I am selfish.  I am prideful.  I am weak.  I am wounded - and I wound others.  And there is still so much that I don't know.  The beauty of salvation is not that I will never struggle with sin - or that I have become perfect - it is that I have the encouragement and the ability to never stop struggling against sin.  I want to wage war on the sin in my life - and encourage others to do the same.  I want to rest that the work has already been done for my salvation.  But, to live in such a way to speed the coming of the Eternal King (2 Peter). 

I heard it put this way, and I love it - so I will share it.  Both sheep and pigs end up in the mud.  But, there is a distinct difference to their response.  Sheep struggle and kick and fight to get out and pigs wallow and roll and fight to stay in.  The farmer can come to rescue both of them, and the sheep will be thankful for the help out - and have a real desire not to get back in... but the pigs return to the mud as quickly as they can - because they love to be covered in filth.  As believers, we are not lovers of sin that struggle with God.  We are lovers of God that still struggle with sin.  The really important question is not do you struggle with sin - it is do you struggle to love God?  The beauty of being a believer is the ability to admit when you mess up.  Not the inability to admit you mess up.  

These are just things I have been thinking of and there is much more... but for now, I will leave it at that.  Love God and struggle against sin.  And, I encourage you, when you have sinned against someone - tell them that is the case, and ask for their forgiveness.  No matter their response, you can walk forward knowing that your humility will be noted by the One that matters, and ultimately, you will have done more for the Kingdom that you could ever do while you are in pride.

Blessings to you on this beautiful day.