How do you find comfort if you don't know the Comforter? The Lord is an amazing God... a BIG God. He is the only God. He is completely Sovereign and altogether Good. His plan is love, and His plan never fails. His ways are higher than my ways, and so also His thoughts. He holds in His hands all of the world, and nothing is too little for Him to notice, or too big for Him to take care of. Isn't that comforting? But imagine if all of that just sounded a little too good to be true. What if that just seemed like something nice to tell yourself so that you could sleep at night. But, what if you didn't really believe it? Then what? God has been reminding me lately in scripture that there are things that have happened throughout history that have risen to Him as a fragrant offering. It wasn't the grandest, most amazing things... it was in the daily things.. and it rose all the way to the Heavens! I was just reading this morning about Cornelius in Acts chapter 10. His deeds came before the Lord as a memorial offering. I want every detail of this adoption to come before Him as an offering of some kind. I want the fragrance to be sweet to the Lord. I am all but begging those of you who love us to pray with urgency for Candice. There is a battle over her soul. I know that He hears our prayers, and He will respond. I believe He will draw her near to Himself. I would love for you to pray for her protection over this weekend. She has a hard life. She needs the Comforter to visit her in a very real way. I believe that the papers aren't signed because He will get more glory in the wait. Psalm 111 tells us that EVERYTHING He does reveals His glory. He is powerful! There is no heart so hard that the double-edged sword cannot pierce it. There is no one who can hide from the Creator of the Universe. Even darkness is as light to Him. He is inviting us to pray - to take part in causing His will to be done in the life of Candice, her mother, and so many others. It is an opportunity to pray His Kingdom come to a whole community of folks that need Him. If you are praying that she will sign the papers, I will not ask you to stop... but I am begging that the focus of your prayers would be her soul. I am asking that you pray for her peace and her to find Truth - in His good time she will sign the papers. I believe that with all of my heart. But, in the meantime the enemy is robbing her of peace, and life... and he is trying to destroy her. We sit, having a comfy-cozy life. I am snuggled up right now with a precious, tiny, pink, peaceful little girl asleep on my chest. Candice sits, hurting and aching... not knowing that there really is a God who sees her. I know that the Lord has a plan for her life. He has a great plan. Her life will not be easy, but it can be full of peace and joy and love. Please pray for her. I don't know how else to say it... she needs us to fight for her in prayer. Do not be discouraged, and do not be afraid. God's timing will be amazing.. and I am asking that we will all stand in awe of Him. Then we will sing together Psalm 9... "I will praise you Oh Lord, with all of my heart. I will tell of the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name!" Please take a minute, even now and pray. Praise Him for the things He has done, and the things He will do. He is worthy of all of our adoration and praise!
The phone rang at 5:18 Sunday, December the 7thin the evening. Something inside of us just knew. Ken even knew that she was already born, already here, just waiting for us to come and get her. We listened carefully as Don helped us understand that situation. Now, I will back up, because already we have missed some very important points.
For some reason, each pregnancy – before we were able to find out… I knew whether we were having a boy or a girl. God whispered it in my heart. I don’t have an explanation, other than He is a kind God. He told me with each baby what to expect. It was never a surprise at the ultrasound. Adoption, though outside of my body, was never outside of my heart. In the same manner that God spoke to me about my biological children, He spoke to me about our precious adopted baby. I told Ken before we ever completed the paperwork that I believed we would be having a Hispanic-mix baby girl. I told several of my close friends, and my sister as well. So, as we spoke with Don, and he told us about our little girl, there was no surprise when he said that she was a Hispanic- mix baby girl. Ken hugged me very close to him as we listened on two different phones and we both just stood there in awe of the Lord. (Romans 2:4, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?”)
As we hung up the phone, we shared story after story (in about two minutes) of reasons that this was almost exactly as we thought it would be. I pass our adoption agency every day on the way to take the kiddos to school. For the last two weeks I have thought “They could call today” every time I passed. There wasn’t an anxiety, or pain in my heart… it was more of a matter-of-fact kind of thing. They could call… and I would pray for our birthmother and our baby each day until they did. I was walking through the store and it came to mind as I passed a pink sleeper to buy it… and then again as I passed a little girl Christmas stocking. I walked off, thinking I was a little loopy to be thinking of that. For heaven’s sake, we haven’t even gotten a call about a mother looking at our book…
I had hoped to meet our birth-mom before she delivered. I wanted her to know so many things. I wanted her to understand how we pray for her all the time, and how important it is to me that we keep in touch with her. I wanted her to know that I think she is amazing for carrying the baby for nine months and then making such a self-less decision. I wanted to hug her, and laugh with her…just to take care of her some way. But, the Lord had other plans. (Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21)
So, back to Sunday, December the 7th. The next few days were a whirlwind of events. The Lord was so gracious to us. I don’t understand why He loves us the way that He does. We laugh because nothing ever happens in our lives that happens to “normal” people. The daycares – not “normal” business purchases by any stretch of the imagination, but fully His hand. We are used to not being normal. I know some of you are laughing hard right now. But, it is true. We almost have grown to expect the unexpected. The next morning as we did our Bible study, I read the scripture in Psalms that says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7.) The kids and I talked about the Lord’s Sovereignty, and even though we didn’t know exactly what our birth-mom would choose, we KNEW that God was in control, and that He is trustworthy!!! We also read Psalm 111 and were reminded that everything that God does reveals His glory and majesty. Yes, Lord EVERYTHING. The good things, and the hard things. It blessed my heart to hear Jacob pray for our birth-mom, and the situation… “and we know that if she gives her baby to us, you will reveal your glory and if she gives her baby to someone else you will reveal your glory…” Wow. Yes, Lord. Reveal your glory indeed!
We went to the hospital the night we got the call. We didn’t want to tell anyone why we were there, or what our intent was.Honestly, we didn’t have any right to. We just simply went there because we knew our little girl was there, and we needed to pray for her – where she was. We couldn’t even get a glimpse of her, but we stood outside the window for a long time and just stared inside the glass. As we stood there, I reached down to put my hand on my stomach. I had the most enormous butterflies in my stomach. Ken looked at me and smiled. He said, “Welcome to my world. This is my fifth time to have these butterflies.” I hadn’t said a word, I had simply touched my hand to my stomach. And then, he said this… “every time one of our children is behind that glass, this is how I feel”. I just began to smile and cry. Yes, our little girl was back there, there was no doubt in our minds. It is precious to me that God would allow us to feel that. I will always treasure that feeling, those moments in the hospital before we could even see her. We stood outside the window and prayed (and cried) and then we left – with a certainty in our hearts that we would be back to get her. It was a precious (but hard) night.
The next several days seemed to drag on, and yet, seemed to go by so fast. I praise the Lord for the ways that He had prepared Ken and I for what would come next. Our birth-mom had really leaned towards adoption, but then, at the end, she changed her mind, and there was the potential for one of her family members to take our little girl. We called all of our friends and asked them to pray. We knew in our hearts that we were to pray for her as our little girl. But, we asked if others couldn’t pray the same (that she would be ours), then they should pray the Lord’s will over her life. I can’t describe to you why we believed so strongly. I guess the Lord had done so many things to show us that she was ours we knew it would be sin to doubt Him. Maddy even showed me an entry in her prayer journal that was dated the day that Mia was born. It said, “Dear God, I pray for our birth-mom, wherever she is. If she is in Texas, or in Bryan, Please keep her healthy. Amen.” Just as she was going to the hospital in labor with our second daughter, the Lord put her on our first daughter’s heart. These things are precious to me. There are a hundred stories like that. I know that we can be afraid to presume upon the Lord… to think that our will is really His, but in this case, He made it very clear to me that I was to BELIEVE Him. (2 Samuel 7:28 "O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.") Nothing more and nothing less. He is God. He is not obligated to do anything just because I believe it to be true. But, He is God, and if He asks me to pray believing Him, then I had better listen. Matthew, Mark and John all talk about praying and believing. For the first time in my life I believed wholeheartedly for something that I didn’t yet have. I knew that my circumstances don’t change His character. I was not saying that if He didn’t do things the way I thought He would that He had messed up, or tricked me. But, He would not allow me to doubt at any level. He would not allow me NOT to presume that He is exactly who He says He is. I know the tricky part is that we are human and we make mistakes. We can be deceived… I can hear a whole list of reasons in my head why that is tricky. And if we ever say that God is less than who He is based on a circumstance in our life, then we have fallen away from the truth. Mia is His daughter first. He did not owe her to us. He was not obligated to give her to us. Just as at any moment He could take away any of our children, He could have her. But she was His gift to us. That we knew in our hearts. He made it so clear to me that I couldn’t hide behind “not presuming” – for me at that moment it would have been rooted in nothing less than doubt that He could do what He said He would – it would be a safety net in case He didn’t come through. As in Acts 18:27, He gave me the grace to believe Him, and I will NEVER forget it.
As the days unfolded, there were meetings. Meetings in which, it looked very slim for us to be getting her, even temporarily. We heard about things that just don’t happen. We heard one thing for fifteen minutes, and then we would get a call saying the exact opposite. And we prayed. We fasted as a family for the first time ever. My children were precious as I told them that they didn’t have to fast with me, but I invited them to. And each one of them decided not to eat breakfast! It was precious to me. They sought the Lord in prayer for their little sister… and later that night, we brought her home.
Oh there are many more things…
This is entirely long, and I could write for hours more, but I will close with two things. First, I will include a letter that I wrote to our precious little girl before we got the call that we were to come and get her. And secondly, I will end with a request.
My precious Mia,
I don’t know how to tell you what has gone on in your daddy’s and my heart over the last few days. Words seem inadequate to describe the certainty we have that you are our daughter. Even as I type this, I realize that I haven’t seen you. I haven’t heard you. I haven’t held you. But I know you are ours. I asked the Lord this morning if I could see you today. I want badly for you to know I am here… waiting just to hold you and love you and help you understand how loved you are.
Daddy and I came up to the hospital to pray over you. We wanted so badly to catch a glimpse of you… or hear your cry. As we stood in the window, I got butterflies in my stomach. Even my body knew you were close… so close. Daddy said very precious words to me then. As I put my hand on my stomach, he said to me that this was his fifth time to have those butterflies. And then he said this, “Every time one of my babies is in there, this is how I feel. And it doesn’t go away until I have them in my arms again.” Daddy and I are aching to hold you. I will always treasure that feeling, that moment… always…
It is amazing to me that God chose you before the creation of the world to be in our family. He chose you for us. He wrote you in our hearts long before we knew you. He chose your birthmother, Candice to carry you… to give you life. She wanted badly to raise you herself, but God made it clear that the most loving thing she could do for you was to place you in our arms. So, just as our arms ache to hold you now, her arms ache to hand you to us. She loves you, precious Mia.
She gave you the name Destiny. I smile as I think about the Lord’s hand in that. You have a wonderful destiny indeed, my daughter. God has chosen you. There is a great battle taking place in the heavenlies even now over your life. The enemy does not want you to come home. But, our God is the Almighty warrior and I am confident that you will be in my arms soon. I am praying that we can bring you home tomorrow. I cannot wait to see your eyes, comb you hair and touch your face. I want to see every inch of you – and memorize it. No matter what time in your life you read this, and no matter how many times… I want you to know that there is NEVER a reason to doubt that you were born to be our daughter. God does not make mistakes. You, my precious one were destined to be a child of God’s and our daughter. Never let the enemy steal that from you. You have a great heritage, both through your birthmother’s family, and now, praise the Lord – from ours.
We love you from the depths of our soul,
Mommy and Daddy
So, if you have read this far, and you haven’t fallen asleep, I will make a request of you. Mia is in our home, legally only temporarily. We are the substitute care providers. Our birthmom’s rights have not been terminated, so we are not technically in the adoption phase yet. We are meeting her, this Friday, January 9th at 2:30 to let her see Mia and she has said she will sign the termination papers. PLEASE pray for her. None of us can understand her pain. We cannot understand how life has brought her to this place. I am asking that you would pray for God’s will for Candice and for our Mia. Please pray that the Lord’s will would be done and that His kingdom would come in Candice’s life. Pray that she will be lead only by Him, and that the enemy would not be able to lie to her. Pray that Mia’s life will be protected by the Lord – as it already has been. Thank you for the way that you love us. Thank you for praying for our birth mom. She is precious to us. If there is anything in you that holds something against her, please pray that the Lord will give you understanding and a compassion to love her. She is His creation. I am begging Him that she will become His child.
