Life is choices.
I saw this on a shirt when I was walking the breast cancer 3-day event a few years back. It reached up and grabbed a hold of my heart. It choked me for a minute. I thought to myself... Thanks for wearing that shirt, buddy. As if I didn’t have enough to think about right now.
But seriously. Life is made up of one choice after another. Life really IS choices. Sometimes I wish I had the creativity to write a script that could capture this a little bit. One story line - primarily the same, but with two or three different seemingly inconsequential choices that dramatically effect the future outcome. Not so that we can get bogged down, with every choice being heavier than it is supposed to be. Ice cream after dinner, or a brownie? I mean, really either way - you win! I also don’t want to minimize the Sovereignty and ability of God to take our foolish choices and make something great out of them.
This struck me as I was listening again to the story of Abraham and Isaac. As the pastor recounted Abram’s (later Abraham’s) life story a little, he brought out the fact that it was over 13 years from when Abram and Sarai were promised by God to have a son until they conceived a son. Can you imagine? I can’t. Month after month wondering if this is the month of the promised child. God after all is faithful. God said it, He would do it. Oh man. How many times a week do I doubt this in my life? It comes down to trusting God - to taking Him fully at His Word - even when it seems like He is long in fulfilling that promise. I noticed for the first time as I re-read it, that I didn’t see a time frame from when God told Abram he would have many decedents and when Sarai “gave him” Hagar to sleep with so that a child could be born. Then, after Hagar has that son, it seems as if Abram just assumes that Ishmael is the promised son. It does not SAY this, so please understand that I am just uncertain of what that time looked like. I know that Abram loved Ishmael from the text that follows - and that Abram asks God if He would bless Ishmael. The Bible doesn’t speak much to what happened in the years after Ishmael is born. But, it says this - 13 years after Ishmael is born, God appears again to Abram. This time, God says, “I am God Almighty. Walk before me and be blameless...” God goes on to tell him that Isaac will be the son of the promise... A son born to Sarah. More than 13 years pass from the time the promise is made to the time Sarah conceives. It makes sense to me that they went about it their own way. Okay, Sarah is barren, so if God said that the son would come from Abram’s body, then Abram must need to hook up with someone else. He was younger than 86 when God shows up and promises him a son from his own body. He was 99 when the promised son was conceived. I can completely understand their “rationalizing” that Hagar must be the answer. But, immediately from the time Hagar conceives there is trouble in the household. Trouble that comes as a consequence of figuring it out on their own - and not trusting that God had meant what He said, and He meant it for Abram and Sarai - not anyone else. And, what does God say to Abram? He doesn’t say, “you will be condemned for doing it your own way.” or “I am removing my blessing from you and your family.” He says, “I am God Almighty. Walk before me and be blameless.” Whew. Sit on that for a minute. It’s like He is reminding Abram who He is. And then, He calls Him to faith and obedience.
I know personally that the enemy always convinces me that I didn’t hear correctly - or that I can figure out a better plan myself. “Well”, I think, “God didn’t mean that...” And bam! I’m back in the garden with Eve saying that we can’t even touch the tree or we will die. Adding or subtracting from what God said. Oh how badly we need to be rescued from these minds that tasted the fruit and now have the knowledge of good and evil! Yuck! Most of the time, I don’t even know that I am doing it... that I am leaning on my “knowledge” instead of waiting and leaning on the wisdom of an all powerful God.
I for one moment would love to go back to Eden... “naked and unashamed”. I could stop and make a ton of naked jokes, but to keep it serious for a minute, what in the world would it feel like to be unashamed?
Think of it. Really?
Un-ashamed.
What would that be like? To not carry around shame for our fallenness. To not feel shame over our choices that were less than glorious. Shame for what we have done. Shame for what has been done to us. Shame for what we think we should have done and didn’t. Shame for making that simple mistake. Shame for the way our kids behave when new people come over for dinner. Shame for the way we look when we gain weight. Shame for the way we laugh. Shame for the way we are too shy. Shame for the way we are too outspoken. Shame for the words we spoke, but shouldn’t have.... Geez. How long could this list be? I promise you it could go on for seemingly endless days.
In “Cry of the Soul” by Dan Allendar and Tremper, he says this about shame...
“Shame is an exposure of our idolatry... We are exposed in our foolish trust in ourselves when we are shamed because we spilled a drink on our lap, because a chid makes poor grades... But shame is also a great gift. It can reveal sin and draw forth desire. If we honor shame as a severe mercy that can lead us to the wonder and wholeness of worship, then we need not fear (unto death) what will be drawn forth in the staggering moment of exposure. We can face shame as an invitation to look into the eyes of the One who does not condemn but instead, He offers grace, forgiveness and freedom.”
Could it really be that we feel shame most of the time because we have put our trust, our faith, our worth in ourselves - and we have found that we are not worthy of that worship? I can certainly see how it is my pride that leads me to shame. I loved the line “the staggering moment of exposure.” We are exposed - naked and exposed. It is as if I expect myself to be perfect in every way - without faults or blunders. Without messing up. Seriously, no one is like that. Everybody screws up. Everybody sins. For Heaven’s sake, that is why we NEED a Savior. We couldn’t do it on our own... But, shame comes strong when that realization hits us in front of other people. We so desire to be self sufficient, knowledgable and powerful. We love the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We did taste of that fruit, through Adam and Eve... And our eyes were “opened”. How absolutely ironic that the moment our eyes were opened we became truly blind. It makes me sad to understand that I, like Sarai, often have a back up plan for God - to make what He has said more easily understood. “Well, it just makes sense that God meant....” And off I go trusting in myself instead of my faithful God. And, there are always consequences to that. Always.
Romans 8:28 promises us (who love God) that God can work it all together for our good. He can take even our biggest mistakes and turn them into something glorious. Only He can do that. But, we will still face consequences from the choices that we make because we are not trusting Him - we don’t really believe that He has our best interest at heart. We believe instead that He is holding out on us. That He couldn’t possibly be loving and all powerful and at the same time allow the world to be what it has become. We are relying on our knowledge - which is limited - to explain His infinite knowledge that is limitless and beyond understanding. We trust then, in what we see - instead of what is real beyond our sight. Faith does not make sense. It is not containable or explainable. Faith is believing in that which you cannot see. I cannot see the wind, and yet, I know that it exists. I cannot see the pull of gravity - and yet, I have merely to jump up to see it is real. I long to have the faith that stands firm - even when everything else is shaking. I want the faith to remember that God sees me - all of me - and knows what is best for my life. His vision is not blurry. He has the whole picture and He is not withholding any good thing from me.
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