Shadows

Tonight I sit - listening to worship music - in my soft bed. I am troubled in my heart for my precious Candice. Too many people can’t understand where she is coming from... Or why she continues to stay where she is. It hit me yesterday how similar I am to Candice. It hit me how similar we all are to her. No matter what we pretend. We all desire to be loved. We all desire to be told that we are beautiful. We all desire to receive the attentions of someone - all of us. I say in one breath that I can’t understand how she could allow herself to be physically abused over and over again by the same guy. Why she would continue to go back to him - even after he hurts her? Why would she continue to stand up for him - why? And then I realize how many times I go back to the same thing that draws me nearer to death every day. Death in my soul, I mean. The lies that keep me in bondage. The lies that keep me from fully believing God. Not just believing Him for the things that He has promised in the future... But the things He has promised me today.

I am not all about name it and claim it. Our God paid a high price for our salvation. He sent His one and only precious Son to the cross in order to make things right. I serve a Holy God that is far too Sovereign to let me name what I think is good for my life and leave me to my own devices. He alone knows what is good. He alone is good. But, that is exactly what the enemy is trying every day to steal from me.

A friend of mine asked me once if I really believed that God is good. I said, “Of course.” But then she made it a little simpler for me to check out in my heart. She said, “Yes, I know you know that God is good, but do you believe that He wants only good for you - ONLY good for YOUR life?” Hmmm... I knew He is good. I know He wants only good for His children, but did I fully embrace my inheritance as His true child? I’m still not sure I do. I’m sure, in fact, that I will not fully embrace that here on the earth. But, it is the truth. No matter what hardships come my way - His desire is only for good in my life. His thoughts - all of them towards me are HOLY. Holiness is pure goodness. That is my own definition. But, I just think of it as something that is set apart in it’s unique purity. I am His child - His true heir, not because of anything that I have done. But, because of Jesus. His life, death and resurrection have assured me of my birthright... my inheritance to know God as my Abba.

It just hit me as I let the truth of what I BELIEVE hit my heart that I let the enemy accuse God to me all the time. It is not in the way that I say God is holding out on me - though, often when situations arise that are less than favorable, that thought always comes in. However, for me, that isn’t nearly as common as it is for me to have this thought that something I can do will make me have higher favor with God. Thus, the things I do can also cause me to have a lower approval rating. WHAT??? But, isn’t that something we all struggle with?

Jake and I just went to see Inception yesterday. It made me think. It still has me thinking.... It was interesting how one of the female characters thought of the dream world as her reality - and she was willing to die to stay in that reality forever. She built and built for years - homes and streets from memories. She invested so much time in the temporary - and all to make just a shadow of her real life, the real life that she was letting slip away by staying in the dream. It made me think about the fact that there is a world that is much deeper - much more real than this one that we inhabit. And, yet, we live as if this world is our permanent home. We are living in the dream, in the shadow - and we are often unwilling to wake up and realize that reality is really evading our grasp - because we are living for this temporary place and trying to make it home. But, it is only a shadow - we are only a shadow of the true life that awaits us. 1 Chronicles 29:15 says, “We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope.” and Job 8: 8-10 says,"Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow.” and Psalm 102:11-12 says, “My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass. But you, O LORD, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations.”

I did a quick reference for the word “shadow” on Biblegateway.com and I was amazed at the things that were referenced over and over. Sit and read a few of them with me.

Ecclesiastes 6:12 says this, “For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?”

Colossions 2:16-17 “Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.”

Hebrews 10:1 The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.

Then, there were so many references to God’s shadow - where we can hide and take refuge. Sweet. That is my favorite shadow!

Psalm 17:8 “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.”

As I was reading these, many things were coming to mind. First of all - this life is a breath - a shadow. Quick. Coming to an end quickly. Hmmm... again I was hit with how permanent it all seems... How forever really just often describes our thoughts towards this earthly life. Then, the law being only a shadow... It is not the reality. THE REALITY IS FOUND IN CHRIST! Whew. Amen. Doesn’t this one statement shed truth on the “more favor with God” issue? And finally, the shadow that God offers us as a place of refuge. His shadow is eternal. We will be able to rest in Him forever... but His invitation starts NOW. Not in eternity. His invitation to rest in His shadow has already been extended - I have only to accept the invitation. Wow. I will be thinking on this a bit.

All of that said, please pray for my Candice. Pray fervently for her. She is losing grasp on reality - and very quickly. If God Himself doesn’t intervene quickly- she will be back in jail for the next 10 years of her life. No parol. No way out. It may be the best plan for her. This is where I rest in His Sovereignty - while at the same time begging for His mercy for her. She feels trapped. Much like me. She knows and believes there is a better way - a better life. But, she cannot accept that she is worthy of receiving it. Again, if I were to be fully honest, I would have no choice but to say the same thing...