(Un)Faithful

One thing that God will not allow me to forget over the past few weeks is this:

His faithfulness to me does not depend on my faithfulness to Him.  (2 Timothy 2:13)
His love towards me is not dependent on anything I do. (Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:10)
His approval of me is established forever by the blood of His Son. (Eph 2:13; Hebrews 9:15)

Therefore, there is nothing more I have to do ever - to gain His approval or love or affections.  Ever.  Can you believe that?  I mean it, really, can you let that sink in for a minute?  Nothing you do - or don't do *after you have accepted Jesus as the sacrifice for your sins* changes God's mind about who you are! 

Your righteous acts are as filthy rags.
Every gift is from Him.

You become nothing - and gain everything. 

I love the paradigm shift.  I love how opposed to this world that is. 
I have to "do more" becomes,  "He did it all for me already".
I have to "be more" becomes, "Be still and know that I am God".
"Look out for number one" becomes "Fix your eyes on Jesus".

It is terribly difficult to look at things you cannot see.  To find treasures in darkness (Isaiah 45:3).  To unlock the mysteries of the Word.  But, by the Holy Spirit we are able to do such things.  God shares His secrets under the right circumstances. (1 Cor. 4:1; Psalms 25:14 (NIV) ) 

There is true freedom when you realize that you cannot change God's mind about you.  When you allow Him to change your heart - He gives you a new one - and forever and ever you belong.  You are His.  You cannot be taken away.  You cannot lose His love.  Precious peace beyond all understanding is yours for the taking - knowing that you are finally enough.  Your life matters because it matters to God. 

I cannot express what it would do for your whole outlook on life if you could really understand how the Creator of the Universe loves you.  If you could just for one minute embrace it.  Don't take my word for it - take His!!  Pick up the Book right now and search out how much He loves you.  Go to Biblegateway.org and type in unfailing love....  just see what He says about His love for you.  I am overwhelmed again at His plan.  It is so contrary to man's.  But, it is so beautiful. 

I am so in love with Him.

A new heart...

While driving down the road, at the beginning of a very hectic, but very joyful week I had one of life's most wonderful opportunities.

Jude and Mia were in the back of the car, and Maddy and I were up front.  We were talking about God.  We were talking about sin.  We were talking about our need for Jesus - and Heaven, where He lives (and Grandma Cindy too).

Jude told me again (because he really does tell me this all the time...) that God is the only one who always does what is right and doesn't lie.  I love to hear him say that.  It is True.  It is a good truth to know.  Even when you are 4.  Then He started telling me how Jesus came to earth, died on the cross and rose again on the third day.

I love this kid.  I love our church.  I love the he seems to have loved God from the moment he was born.  He is always telling me wonderful things about Jesus and God.  He also loves for me to sing "I Love You Lord" at bed time.  When he gets afraid in the night, he sings it all by himself.  And, according to him, it works. :)  Of course it does.  Any time we put our eyes on something other than God, it can get scary.  Just ask the 4 year old in the dark.  But, when we remind ourselves that God is always with us - we are never out of His sight, things seem to be a little more manageable.

Anyway, it was a great chat.  I told Maddy that I had started this conversation with him last week, but we were interrupted, and alas, we had to resume at another moment.  Here we were, stuck in the car for several hours, so I figured we should make the most of it.  Surely we did.

I asked Jude if he understood why we needed Jesus.  He did.
I asked Jude if he understood why God sent Jesus.  He did.
Then, he told me how Jesus died on the cross - but He rose again on the third day.  I loved that part.  To watch him tell me the gospel.  Jesus died mom, but it didn't end there....  now that was my favorite!  At that point, I asked him if he would like to go to heaven one day.  He said he wanted to go later that day (after we established that there are things cooler than toys that we have here).  I told him I wasn't aiming at letting him go quite that soon!  But, it was so sweet.

We did say a prayer out loud, but I am fairly certain in my heart that the transaction had already taken place in his little heart well before the words came out.  I told him that because he believed in Jesus, and because he understood that he HAD to have Jesus to go to Heaven with God, that God had given him a new heart.

He smiled really big.
Then we prayed and thanked God for giving him a new heart, and for sending Jesus because He loves us so much.

I smiled so big.     

I told him that his heart was new because God says that when we believe in Jesus, we get a new heart, and in fact, the Holy Spirit comes to help us make good choices.  We talked about how the temptations would still be there to do naughty things, but that now we had someone with us all the time to help us make right choices.  There were many other things we talked about, but it was my favorite to hear him tell people the rest of the day that God had given him a new heart.  Yes, little man, God gave you a new heart indeed.  The process has begun.  There are sure to be many times that I have to remind myself that God sees and knows his little heart much better than I do at all times, but how sweet that already his heart is for God.
It is always nice to me to hear myself telling people the Gospel, because I needed the reminder too.  Temptations will always be there, but we have a Helper.  God sees my new heart - always.  He doesn't even remember my old heart.  He loves that boy and his new heart... and he is just as crazy about this girl and her new heart.

What a great day to remember the grace and mercy of God.  What a great day for a new heart!

super short (but important) update to laundry posts!!!

this is not my pic, I took it from google  :)

I have decided to switch to Fels Naptha bar soap instead of the lever 2000.  It is actually a laundry soap, so it is friendlier to your washing machine... and has a better fragrance because it is designed for laundry.

I still believe it saves a boat load of money in the long run.  It isn't an expensive soap.

Just wanted to share the knowledge.  Thanks A.J. for the head's up on that!  :)

Streams of Living Water

My heart is so full.

My soul is completely satisfied.  As with the richest of foods.

My heart rejoices in Your salvation, my God. 

In Your presence there is fullness of joy. 

My heart is saying again and again, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.” Psalm 28:7

Today, I can rejoice, with a soft heart, a refreshed and renewed spirit within me.  Because of His great love for me, I am not consumed.  God worked through no less than 6 families to bring me safely to Kansas City.  I had no way to get here on my own, but I knew with all of my heart that I had to come to the prayer room.  As always, He has spoken His Word and His truth over my heart, confirming that which He had already placed in my heart, but renewing my spirit within me.  Giving me peace that passes any understanding.  Bestowing upon me grace upon grace to stand and say that I am His.  I will walk whatever way He desires, no matter what the cost because He is so worthy! 

He is worthy.  Oh, beloved, I beg you to press into Him.  Come to know this man Jesus who loved you to the point of death.  He gave it all up because He is crazy about you.  He came down from Heaven - the most glorious place - because we needed Him.  You must come to know Him.  Don’t settle for hearing about Him.  Don’t settle for thinking you know Him on Sundays.  Press in to really know Him - read His Word of Life, the Bible.  Give Him your time and your affections.  He will not mishandle them.  He is faithful.  He is good.  He is able to be trusted.  He is deserving of all praise!  Psalm 54:4, “Surely God is my help; the Lord is the One who sustains me.”

I am so thankful for my friends who helped me come here and be refreshed.  I thank you for your prayers, for your gifts of gas money, the beautiful place to stay, the prayer covering as I have been here, and your gift of a vehicle with exceptional gas mileage!!  May God bless you with blessings upon blessings for being the very heart of Christ towards me during this time of great need!  Truly, I say to you my heart can now say, “You gave abundant showers, O God; you refreshed your weary inheritance.” Psalm 68:9.
 
I am stunned each day I am here as He has made it so personal to me during this time of worship and rest.  My mom told me many years ago that my life verse is Psalm 63:8 , “My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me.”  It is set in the midst of one of my very favorite Psalms.  Yesterday and today in the morning the “worship in the Word” was through Psalm 63.  I am telling you He is reminding me that I am His beloved.  I am His favorite.  :)  And, Beloved friends, you are too.  Oh how I wish I could make that a reality in your mind.  He is crazy about you.  He delights in you.  He still thinks you were worth the cross!! 

He is revealing to me over and over that He is jealous for me and He wants to destroy everything in my heart that hinders love.  He will go to any lengths to make me fully His and He will do the same for you. 

I will leave you with these things that are foremost in my mind and some beautiful words of Truth:

To everyone who will hear,  Jesus says this, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” 

I have been so thirsty, that I forgot the streams of living water were already flowing from within me.  But, He has been gracious and reminded me that He has been with me, and helping me all along.  What a sweet God.  What a merciful Savior.

Psalm 57:1-3 “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.  I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.  He sends from Heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends His love and His faithfulness.”

Psalm 59:16-17, “But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.  O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.”

Psalm 63:3 “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you, and I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.”

Psalm 86:8-10 “Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.  All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.  For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.”

Indeed, there is but One God, and indeed there is but One who saves.  And, He stands ready to rescue you from all of your troubles, if you should only declare in your heart and with your mouth that you need Him.  He will hear you, and He will receive you, and He will help you.

When what you thought you knew as right... is wrong.

What do you do when you look around, and everything you thought you knew was really not quite right?

I guess you can deny it for a while. 

You can decide to hold fast and hold tight hoping not to let it slip through your hands- claiming infallibility (which is certainly a farce).

Or you can open wide your hands and let loose your grip on the things that you thought... And ask God to reveal to you Truth.  It is interesting how far He will go to remind us He loves us and He sees us.  I am constantly reminded and surprised at the lengths He will go to remind me who He is.  Thing is, He has always been doing that.  I just chose not to see for a while.  Many years ago I was offended often at the things He allowed into my life.  I didn’t blame Him necessarily, I just chose to believe He was holding out on me because of my sin and my choices.  I believed that I was getting what I deserved.  But, that is just it...   He doesn’t want for any of us to get what we deserve.  He calls it mercy - and He desires that we follow after Him in that. 

“I desire mercy, not sacrifice...”  And again  “Walk humbly, do justly, love mercy...” 

He loves to love us well.  He loves to go to crazy lengths to remind us that we are His, and that He wants to give us good things.  So often we just have to take a different view of things.  We just have to have eyes that are willing to see His goodness - even through the brokenness that surrounds us.  The sin.  The pain.  The death.  The circumstances that seem overwhelming and insurmountable.  I want eyes to see it for what it is.  I want eyes to see that there is HOPE.  There is BEAUTY.  There is ETERNITY - where there will be PERFECTION.  No more sin.  No more death.  No more pain.  No more overwhelming circumstances (except that we will be overwhelmed by the Glory of God). 

Whew. 
I needed that reminder today. 

I needed the reminder that all of my brokenness will one day be HEALED - and healed COMPLETELY. 

I needed the reminder again that this life is not all there is.  There is much more.  There is life abundant.

To love is so complicated some times.  I love to love.  But, sometimes you have to set boundaries so that love remains loving - and not enabling.  Sometimes you have to love in Truth and know it’s gonna hurt.  Sometimes you have to lean into the character of God when you know your character isn’t strong enough to do it right.  Sometimes you have to say enough is enough - knowing that it will bring more glory to God to speak Truth in love than it will to turn silently and walk away.

I am confident that I’m not gonna get this right the first time.  I am praying for grace and mercy.  I am praying that God will hem me in before and behind and that I will listen and do His will.  But, alas, I am still in this fleshy flesh.  I am still in a sinners body full of selfishness and pride.  And, I am confident I will screw it up.  But, that is why I need Him so desperately.  He will mend the things I break - because my heart is for Him - and my desire is to not bring pain, but bring healing through my new loving actions.  It is kind of like when Jesus says He is giving a new command... To love.  He is teaching me a new command in love.  And, it is shaking me up.  I am begging for wisdom - and I know He will give it to me because He promises to do so - without judging me for it. 

Oh I am crazy about this God I serve.  I am crazy in love with Him... And so very thankful that He is rich in love and full of mercy.  I cannot throw anything at Him that He can’t handle.  That brings me to a place of rest and peace in my Spirit that I cannot explain.   It is a sweet sweet place indeed.  I hope in the midst of your chaotic day or week, or summer you have a sweet place of rest.  I pray that you will take the time to enter into a restful few minutes with Him and recognize that no matter what is flying all around you - He is for you, and He sees you, and He loves you. 

Thanks for stopping by.  May Grace go before you today.   

A storm and a great big lesson...

photo credit to National Geographic, I did not take this one.  :)

I love the story of Job. 

I love how right from the beginning we know so much more than he did - and we watch, in horror and dismay as the events unfold. 

It is not a tidy story.  It is not "fair".  But, it offers so much hope, and advice and perspective on life, godliness, and the absolute Awesomeness of God.

So many things strike me as I read that story.  So. many.

Chapter 1, verse 1 tells us that "he was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil."  Verse 3 lets us know that he was the greatest man among all the people of the East.
Job was a man, a righteous man.

He was not wicked.  He prayed for his children.  He offered sacrifices for them, just in case they had committed an offense against God. 

He feared God and shunned evil. 

I would imagine there were many who watched him and misunderstood him.  They thought of him as self-righteous, and "holier than thou."  They probably talked about him - convicted by their own sin - but casting names on him as insults because they didn't like how he seemed to have special favor with God.    They were almost excited to watch him "fall".  
They did not shun evil. 

They were comfortable in their places of sin - and it made them less uncomfortable to imagine that he considered himself blameless because he loved righteousness.  Surely he was blameless only in his own eyes.

 

I think in all of it, my favorite part is where God speaks in the storm.  First of all, the imagery is just beautiful.  Literally, chapter 38, verse 1 says that God spoke from the storm.  Can you imagine what that was like?  We just had a thunderstorm - a ton of rain fell from the sky.  Lightening flashed and thunder bellowed.  But, I did not hear the audible voice of God. 

Thing is, I don't think Job really thought he was perfect.  But, I love that God allows us to see that he was a man, and he struggled with the approval of man, and the pride that causes us to want everyone to know us and our hearts the way that God does.  Job spoke what was right about God - even in the midst of some pretty awful circumstances and accusations.  (Job 42:8)

But, Job was a man, and Job didn't handle everything perfectly.  He had a pity party.  (I am surely not saying he didn't have grounds for one, more than any human, but yet, it was still not the best idea).  He got trapped in the need for the approval of man, and to be seen for who he really was.  It is a slippery slope, indeed.  He contended that he was right - not that it made God wrong, just that somehow - he and God were both right, and he was blameless.

We have the whole Bible.  We knew from the very first chapter that he had not done anything "wrong" in the eyes of the Lord.  He was being sifted as wheat because Satan had appeared before God - and God allowed it.  God even suggested Job.  God knew Job, and He knew that Job would remain faithful in the midst of the worst suffering and loss. 

I can't imagine being Job.  Losing everything.  Being alone, really alone.  Suffering even in his flesh.  And then, to make matters just that much worse, his "friends" come to console him - and instead - they accuse him, and say things that aren't true.  They twist it all up so that it seems that because God is right (which He always is), then that must imply that Job deserved what was happening to him.   Job was angry.  Job wanted the right to defend himself - to the people that ought to know better.  They ought to have known him better.  But, they had evil in their hearts - and they wanted him to be less righteous - because that made them more comfortable.  

The first thing I think of (and this must be so small in comparison) is the time that I heard a Lion roar - and I mean really let loose - at the zoo.  Fear seized my heart.   We were a hundred yards from him, and separated by a great hole in the earth.  But, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.  

(image from truefresco.org)

 

I thought we were going to die.

It was stunning.  It was awe-inspiring.  And it was nothing in comparison to the voice of God.

My second favorite part is where God finishes speaking and Job essentially says, "oh, my bad".  He really means it.  He sees very clearly his sin in defending himself, rather than God- his demanding his own glory, rather than God's.  But, then something profound happens.  God rebukes the "friends".  In fact, He commends Job before them, and then says that He will accept Job's prayer on their (arrogant, foolish) behalf.  He surely proves before them that Job had His favor and blessing all along.  It makes me want to stick my tongue out at the friends and sing "nanny, nanny boo-boo" (and that reveals my folly in the sight of a Holy God.) 

I love Job.  I love the Holy Spirit for moving in the heart of man to write it in the Bible.  I love the God of the universe that created Dragons (ch.41:1-34  esp. 18-19) and horses and storks and lightening. (ch. 38-41)

Today, I am more in love with God who has revealed so many things to us through His Word.  I am surely more amazed by Him today than I was yesterday.  I long to know more of His character.  I long to understand more deeply that He is God and there is no one like Him.  

I met another new friend.  Not at church, or in the store... but over email and the blogosphere.  She shared her story with me, and I wanted you to hear it too.  
So, here it goes - straight from her heart:


My Village, by Heather Von St. James


If you’ve ever had children, you’ve probably heard the wise saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” The birth of my daughter taught me its meaning. Lily was born on August 4th, 2005. The pregnancy went smoothly. At first, our excited families and friends surrounded my husband and me. Looking back, there was no way to prepare for the heartbreak ahead.

After returning to work, I started experiencing odd symptoms. Only a month after resuming full time hours, I felt constantly tired. I dismissed it at first, assuming it was related to being a new mother, but the lack of energy persisted. I even felt short of breath. I finally consulted my doctor. On November 21, 2005, after many medical tests, I got the answer. Lily had only been with us for 3 ½ months when I had to face a diagnosis of malignant pleural mesothelioma. This cancer that attacks the lining of the lungs is almost always caused by asbestos exposure. Unknown to me, I had been exposed to it around 30 years ago when I was a child.

My first concerns were for my little girl, my husband, and of how they would manage without me. My prognosis was grave. I was given about 15 months to live without treatment. I decided to do everything in my power to survive, no matter what. With such a dire prediction, I had nothing to lose. I chose to take on the most extreme treatment for mesothelioma. On February 2nd, my husband and I flew to Boston, and I underwent extrapleural pneumenectomy. The surgery removed my left lung. I recovered for 18 days in the hospital. Following this, I spend two months in recovery before starting chemotherapy and eventually radiation—all as a first time mom.

This experience gave me new understanding of the old adage about villages. Without the love, prayers and daily support from those around us, I don’t see how we could have managed.  Help came from people in many different parts of our lives. Some of it was unexpected. People we never knew cared gave full support. People we assumed we could rely on sometimes disappeared. Cancer has a way of revealing who really cares about you and who doesn’t.

While we were in Boston, my parents raised Lily. Fortunately, they had their own village of people who helped. Girls who I once babysat offered to watch Lily while my parents worked at their full time jobs. People from the church engulfed them with generosity and genuine love. In the meantime, my husband and I met new friends in Boston. We shared our struggles with incredible people who were going through the same ordeal. It helped get us through each day.

In my hometown of South Dakota, Lily was learning to roll and scoot across the floor. She started to eat solid food. I experienced these joys through the grainy pictures my mother emailed. My husband printed them for me, and I shared them tearfully with the nurses who fawned over Lily just as I did.  She was the reason I was there, fighting for my life. Throughout my battle, my daughter was in the very best hands. My parents formed a bond with Lily that time and distance can never diminish.

Now, we have a family policy of embracing life and treating it as a fragile, precious thing. Life isn’t always easy, but we give it 100 percent no matter what it throws our way. My favorite quote is “Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.” I believe this. Cancer brings both bad and good things. As horrible as the experience was, I am grateful for the good that came from it.

                                     ~ Heather Von St. James

 I am thankful that Heather shared her story with me, and if you want to read more of what she has to say, you can follow the link here to find her on her blog:  http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/heather    

Thank you, Heather for the much needed reminder that life is fragile.  It is precious, every single moment we have.  It is not something to be mis-handled.  Every minute is a gift from God to be used, not to serve ourselves, but to love others well.