Become.

What is your pain today?

That thing that has taken hold of your heart and it won't let you go, no matter how you writhe to get out from under it's suffocating grasp?

What is the voice in your mind that tells you that you'll never be enough - or you are just TOO MUCH?

Where are you just aching today?  Is there something inside that just screams out "THERE HAS TO BE MORE THAN THIS!!"

I am.  This morning, I have such a heavy heart.  Pain is everywhere.  It is unavoidable.  People spend much time, energy, and money to keep themselves from pain.  And yet, pain will find them, it will search them out - and it will crush every defense they thought they had.  Now, stay with me, I am not trying to be a "Debbie Downer".  I am getting around to hope.  Just hang with me for a minute.

We all build walls.  We all wear masks.  We all say what other people want us to say.  How many times in just one day do you lie to people when they ask you "Hey!  How are you?"  Almost always, "Oh, I'm fine...  and you?"  We are just trying to be nice.  They are just trying to be nice.  There is nothing essentially wrong with that.  But, I'm not talking just about the casual stranger.  I am talking about your friends.  Those that should be beside you to shoulder your burdens with you.  How many times do you really let them in on your fears?  How often do you open yourself up - getting really vulnerable?

I tend to spew my fears, my thoughts, my dreams... kind-of everything out to whoever wants to sit long enough to hear them.  So, here it is this morning... some of the deep stuff of my heart.

I long to worship.  Really worship.  When I saw "The Rend Collective Experiment" video for Build your Kingdom here - I wanted to drop everything, pick up my kids and find out where they are going next.  I want to go with them.  Now, I know that it isn't all campfires and cool instruments.  There is sweat, tears, travel...  pain... but the joy - the joy to worship with a group of like-minded people.  To travel and tell of the wonders of God's love and faithfulness...  it stirs something in me that I can't run from!  I want to sing always and forever of God's love and beauty.  (Sounds so cheesy right, and yet something in you must be stirred up like this is stirred up in me). 

I long to write and to read, and to sit with the Lord day after day and then share (maybe just one person at a time, or ten, or ten thousand...  I don't care the number) what the Lord is doing... what He is teaching.  How He is reaching my heart that constantly retreats from pain. 

You see, everyone is broken. 

I am.

People are praising me right now for the way I am handling the death of my son.  They put me on a pedestal in their minds.  They think they could never handle what I am going through in the way that I am handling it.  But, while, my heart has been sincere...  every Scripture posted to FB, every blog entry has been straight from the deep places in my heart... people don't see the broken parts - the sinfulness in me.  These things are not as visible...  and one thing I know about pedestals is that people come tumbling down - and the higher up they are put, the further they fall - and the more it hurts when they hit.  So, I am asking you to take me off that pedestal.  Apart from God's grace - I am wretched, pitiful, blind, poor and naked.  Really.  It is God's grace that keeps me upright.  It is God's grace that keeps bringing me back to center.

In my flesh: I am an adulteress.  I am selfish.  I am prideful.  I am full of lust and greed.  I am broken.  I am bitter and I am mean to people who hurt me.

But, because of Christ, and only by God's grace, I am clothed in righteousness.  I am full of peace and hope.  The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control.  I have access every day, all day long to all the beauty of Christ.  When I operate in it, people want to put me up high - in this lofty place.  But, I want to tell you that apart from God's grace - I cannot operate in it!  It is not me - it is Christ in me that is my hope of glory.  Over and over again I am realizing the deep truth of that.  I am human.  I am frail.  I am hurting.  I am desperate.  I am weak.  But, because of the Great I Am, I don't have to operate from those places.  I can lean on Christ's strength.  I can ask for His joy.  I can ask for His power to help me in every place that I am failing.  But, in my own strength, and in my own power, I am nothing.  I am just as wicked as any individual that has ever walked the face of this earth.

Today, I just want to be free from the labels that are put on me.  I want to be me.  Broken, but beautiful.  Unlovable, but fully loved.  Poor, but so very rich. 

Today, will you practice with me taking a few of the walls down?  Let someone you trust inside - to the deep places.  You will be hurt.  But, there is so much freedom in tearing down the walls... in becoming who you were meant to be regardless of what anyone else thinks about it.  There is so much freedom in realizing that you will hurt, but you will heal!  Everyone will hurt whether they want to or not.  So, instead of fighting it, and pretending (even to yourself) that you are invincible, take your guard down and face the hurt.  Once you have turned and looked it full in the face, you can begin to heal.  You can take a step towards becoming who you were meant to be.  God made you amazing.  God has a plan for your life.  It is a good plan.  Filled with love, loss, pain, joy, tears and laughter.  He doesn't promise an easy road.  But, He promises never to leave us all alone.  He says He will never ask me to walk through something that He won't be right beside me through.  Don't run from your pain anymore.  Today, make a decision to really look it in the face.  Really find the root of the hurt, the bitterness, the pain... and pull that thing out!  Then, turn to the Healer.  The God of the Universe that wants to bind up your wounds.  He wants to hold you while you cry.   He wants to carry the pain with you and for you.  Trust me on this one.  He longs to be everything you need if you just call on Him.  He is near.  He is pursuing you.  He wants to heal you - make you whole.  But, you have to face that brokenness.  You have to search out the pain - until you find the source, and then it must be dealt with.  I would beg you not to try to search it out on your own.  Invite God to search it out with you.  He knows you, inside and out.  He sees you, and He hears your cries.

May grace and peace go before you today. Don't miss out on one more day of the YOU that God created you to be.  Today, I exhort you to become.  Become everything that you were meant to become.  You are not your mom.  You are not your dad.  You are not your older siblings, or your younger ones.  You are uniquely YOU!  That means, one choice at a time,  you choose to be you - broken and beautiful.  Sinful and selfish.  But, longing for the righteousness and the holiness that God created you to walk in.  Because, the answer when our souls cry out that there has to be more -  is that there is more than this.   For every believer in Jesus Christ, there is much more than this.  Our hearts know that this broken world can't be all there is.  We were created for so much more.   If you haven't trusted your heart to Christ, because you:
* are skeptical
* have met too many mean and angry Christians
* can't make it make sense
* think to trust Christ means to start being judgemental
* are scared
* are scarred from your past
* can't believe in a God that allows so much pain in the world while being all powerful

Let me say this one thing.  I'm sorry.  I am sorry for the pain that has been brought to you through Christians, through the church, through the depravity of the world.  Becoming Christians doesn't make us perfect.  And, I am sorry for the people who have in their Spiritual pride made you believe that we have something that makes us better.  We don't.  Becoming a believer is about finally realizing that we are the most broken ones.  We are the ones that knew (at one time or another) that we needed saving.

People who are well don't need a doctor.  People who have it all together don't need Christ.

But, if we are honest, there isn't anyone really standing in the "have it all together" place.  No matter what it looks like on the outside.  Inside, they are falling apart.  Christians aren't better.  We just have hope that God hasn't and won't ever give up on us.  Not because we have done something great.  But, because He did something great.  I'm sorry for the people that have made that seem like we are more - I'm sorry for being one of those people too.  Sometimes, because we are human, we act stupid.  I'm just sorry for the picture it paints, and I am sorry for the way(s) it has wounded you.  Please forgive me and my fellow believers for being judgmental.  For being prideful.  For being selfish.  For still being human.  Don't disregard my God, my Jesus, on account of my being human.  Search Him out for yourself.  In the quiet of this moment.  Ask Him to be exactly what you need.  While we will hurt you and let you down - He will always be faithful.  Gandhi said it right, "I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians.  They are so unlike Christ."  Forgive us for not being like Christ.

If you are a Christian that thinks you are better, that thinks you do have it all together.  I exhort you to look deep into the heart of Jesus.  Ask yourself why He did what He did.  Ask yourself how you ended up in the place of the Pharisee.  And, then lay it down.  Remember the "you" that knew you needed a Savior.    Then, go out and offer the Truth to anyone who knows they are broken and need saving too.  

Become.

The simple truth

I cannot believe that we have been a month without our Jacob.  Wow.  Part of me says, "wasn't it just yesterday that he was wrapping his arms around me?" and part of me feels as though it was years ago that I heard his voice calling me "mommy."

He did that - even at 15 years old - even in front of his friends - really everywhere.  I love that he still called me mommy.  He would tell his friends on xbox that he had to go because 'his mommy was asking for his help'.  The ways he showed love to me spoke so deeply to my heart. 

Well, I wanted to share something with you.  It is dear to my heart indeed.

Jacob was full of joy.  Jacob was full of encouragement and hope.  Many of you already know this.  Many of you saw this every day at school - or at church.  He was kind and gentle.  He had a servant's heart and was just overall a wonderful young man.  There is a reason.  You see, Jake knew that he messed up every day.  He knew that I messed up every day.  He knew that the earth is full of broken people.  He knew that we were no exception.  But, he knew something deeper... something far more important.

He knew that God loved him, God loved us anyway. 

Right in the middle of his brokenness.  Right in the middle of our family's brokenness, he knew that God saw us and He loved us.  He had provided a way for us to be healed.  God didn't wait on us to fix ourselves, or clean ourselves up.  God knew before we ever took a breath that we would not be able to live in a way that was pleasing on our own.  And God had a plan to help us - to give us an opportunity to be with Him forever anyway.  You see, when God created us - the human race - He created us to live among us - with us.  He wanted to walk with us - in all of His perfection and Holiness, He desired fellowship with us.  It is staggering really to think about.

When sin entered the world, He had to remove Himself from us.  He is altogether Holy.  He cannot be in the presence of our sin.  And it grieved His Spirit.  So, He made a way - through Jesus Christ.  He said that a Son would be born to us - a Savior that would come to earth to redeem us (Luke 1:31-38; 2:8-20).  His precious Son came as a baby - lived a perfect life - and died because I am sinful, because Jake was sinful, because you are sinful.  He took on my sin - He took on the sin of the whole world.  He took our shame upon Himself so that I could spend eternity in a real place called Heaven if I only confess that I am sinful and need His salvation.  John 3:16-17 says this, "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him."     

Right now many people are asking why my Jacob died.  They want autopsy results to reveal the "problem".  They want reasons.  Inconclusive is not good enough.  I understand that.  But, for me, it is more precious that it is a mystery to us.  I believe with all of my heart that God took him - much like Enoch.  God walked beside him and delighted in him.  And, on February 5th, 2013 at 2:00pm, it was time for him to go home - to walk with God.
Jake's work here was completed.
He had accomplished all that God had intended for him.

He had lived life well.  That is why it hurts so badly for us.  He was an amazing man of God.  His friends told me that at camp they called him Mac.  At first, I didn't like the sound of that - and then they helped me understand that it stood for Man After Christ.  Wow.  What an endorsement!  Nothing greater can be said about anyone.

He was at school, he was playing dodgeball, and then he collapsed.  I believe that his spirit was gone before his body hit the ground.  I believe that he was in the presence of Jesus before he fell.  The coaches did everything correctly.  They tried with all of their might to bring my boy back.  They did everything they could.  But, he was already in the presence of Jesus giving glory to the One that deserves it all- why would he want to leave that to come back here?

I cannot grieve the same way that others grieve.  Don't misunderstand me...  I grieve.  I mourn from the depths of my soul.  I MISS MY BOY!!!  He was an honor and a blessing to me every single day.  Hear me... every. single. day.  But, he is with my Jesus.  He no longer has any burden to carry.  I am mourning the times I thought I had ahead of us with him.  Graduation.  Marriage.  Grandkids.

In a moment the other afternoon, I was at home all by myself.  The house was so quiet.  I was playing worship music and a song came on that says, "I am leaning on you Jesus, with all my longing laid before you now.  And all I'm needing is you Jesus, and all my wanting is satisfied somehow.  There is no higher worth in all the earth but to love you, how I love you.  No greater call, no life at all but to love you... How I love you."  Later on it says, "How I love you... love you, Jesus, Jesus.  How I love you, love you... Jesus - oh how I love you, I love you."
It was at that moment in the song that I fell to the ground.
Knees hitting hard.
Tears falling hard.
Crying out - singing from the depths of my soul that I did love Him - though, I could not honestly sing that all of my wanting was satisfied.  In that moment, in that very real moment with my God... I told Him that I want my boy - and though I want to be fully satisfied, I was not...  and I was struggling to love Him.  In that moment He looked on me with compassion.  He knelt down beside me and He lifted my face.  He loved that I was honest before Him.  He loved that I - in my humanness, in my brokenness... was still desperately trying to love Him with all that I have.  It was enough for my King.  It was enough. 

My heart does grieve.  I assure you.  But, my heart does not grieve without hope.
I am praying - begging the Lord that if any one of you reading this doesn't understand this hope - this peace that I have ~ to the deep places in my heart and my soul ~ that you reach out to me or to someone you know that has placed all of their hope in Jesus.  Ask me anything you want... I want to share the hope that Jacob had.  The hope that I have.  Our goodbye is only temporary.  I will get to be reunited with my Jake one day.  I will get to stand in the Holy presence of my Jesus - right beside my precious boy and my beautiful momma.  And we will no longer hurt or cry or have pain.  We will be healed.  Completely restored to the glory that God intended for us in the very beginning of time.   

God saw me in my sin.  He loved me anyway.  He did not withhold His Son from me.  My salvation cost the God of the Universe - the Creator of all things - His one and only Son.  How dare I try and withhold my Son from Him?  You see, God is allowing me to share in suffering unlike anything I have ever known.  He is allowing me to understand how costly my salvation was.  It is beautiful.   Friends, the pain of losing a son...  the ache in my heart, the tears in the night, the longing for Jesus to come now... it is all very real.  But, if God chooses to use my boy's life to bring many to Himself - then I want to have a heart that blesses His name in that.  I long to be wholehearted in my devotion to my God.  He is worthy.  He is ever faithful and true and worthy!  He did not withhold anything from me.  So, today I rest in the love of my Most High God.  The Almighty One.  I rest in the peace that He brings to my spirit as I come to Him in my grief.  Oh please - find your hope in Jesus.  Find your hope in the One that will satisfy every longing of your heart if you will just surrender your heart to Him. 

Scattered every which way....

I'm gonna try to be brief... but I don't know if that is possible...  :)

Growing up as a tiny girl we were part of a fellowship that was amazing.  We were a tiny little fellowship... and we loved each other well.  We ate together, studied the Scriptures together.  We were there for each other.  We loved God, and we loved each other.  How dear to me are those who were part of Word of Life Bible Church in Southlake, TX.

As an adult, or almost an adult... a wife and a mommy, but only 21 - Ken and I found a fellowship of our own.  It was the closest thing to Acts 42 I had experienced since I was 8 years old.
And now, 14 years later, we are part of another amazing fellowship of believers who know what it is to love God and love each other.

We are a forever family.  We hurt each other, and we comfort each other.  We love each other well.  We pray for each other.  We know what it means to mourn together and rejoice together.  The common denominator is that in each fellowship, we all loved God, and we all loved each other.  We gave as anyone had need - and we lived in community.

All along the way, I developed friends who I love dearly who were just starting college... and then, just finishing college... and then just moving away, some getting married... some just having their first baby...  some moving to other countries...

It has been a whirlwind when I think about it.  But, I realize that tiny pieces of my heart are scattered across 3 continents (at least) and all over the US.  I love so many people that sometimes it really just hurts.  My heart aches because I miss "my"girls.  But, then there are friends that have known me - the real me for a long time - some ten, fifteen and even twenty or thirty (!) years.  I think I could type for an hour straight and not get all the names down of the people who are dear to me that my heart longs to see and spend time with.  And then there are people that I almost got to know, but I want to know more.... who I am not sure I will get to know much better this side of Heaven.  Which makes me feel like I have a million holes in my heart - pieces of my heart are scattered all over the place.   But, did you notice the phrase "this side of Heaven"?
God is so sweet to remind me that these friends are my forever friends.  Not just because we have bonded well here on earth, but because we are bound by the blood of Christ and will be forever together in eternity.  We are sisters now and forever.  This life is a mist.  One day - and in a short time - in the blink of an eye... we will all be together for eternity.  No tears.  No separation.  No pain.  No sin.  No boundary of time.  We will be forever together worshiping a Holy and Righteous and Beautiful God - and bowing before the One who was given the Name above every Name - at which every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!
Hallelujah!  I am ready to have a party.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  But, I am about ready for our forever celebration where we come to know what it means to dwell in glory... our God given, untainted glory.  Whew!

It is almost Christmas.  It is time to celebrate the birth of a baby who came to change the World.  It is time to celebrate the Christ-child.  The Messiah.

It is no wonder that the dragon - that tempter, Satan was standing wanting to devour Him even as a baby... because with His birth came the certain destruction of that proud, beautiful angel - Lucifer who was cast out of Heaven.  (Revelation 12 paints an amazing picture of all of this).   The night Jesus was born, a great war broke out.  Real war - and though we do not yet see it with our eyes... that war is still raging.  I am so thankful that I know the end of the story.  I am so thankful I know the One who wrote the story, and the One who came to give me life - and freedom from that fierce dragon.  I am so thankful for each of my friends that have a piece of my heart - because we are a forever family.  We will get to rejoice in the Lord always - and again I say REJOICE!!! 

So, this Christmas, I am spending some time thanking God for each of you by name.  Each one of my forever friends - I am praying a blessing over you even now.  And for each of you that don't know my Jesus - who are skeptical of all of this "religious" stuff.  I am praying a special prayer for you.  I am praying that you will come to know my Jesus for yourself.  It has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with a relationship.  A relationship with the One who will never abandon me, or forsake me.  A relationship with the One who let His blood be spilled so that mine wouldn't have to be.  The One who came to die - because it was the only way that we could know God - for ourselves, without separation.  The One who the angels worshiped and the wise men sought out.  This Jesus.  If you let Him, He will change your whole life.  Yes, tonight, I am saying a special prayer for you, my sweet skeptical friend.  He loves even you.  Even when you curse Him and doubt Him.  He will never quit pursuing your heart.  He loves you far too much for that. 

Merry Christmas. 

A downward spiral with an upward perspective...

Today was a hard day.

My feelings were hurt.  My family was hurt.  But, that was, something... surmountable.  Something I have grown a little used to, and something that quite frankly stems from selfishness in some ways.

But, then, after my heart was sufficiently wounded for one day- the enemy decided to take one more punch at my weary flesh.  It stung.  It stung with the sting of death.  The feel of utter defeat. I felt like I was being devoured in one savory bite by that fierce lion that prowls for me night after night.

The news was this:  the business bank account was drained - everything was taken.  Not one penny left.

Payroll just went out - and the checks will not clear.  Not because we didn't have the money in there.  But because someone else decided they had more right to it than we do.

We have received so much help from people who love us.  We have been in awe of God each week as we watch Him provide for us in ways far too creative for us to think of.  This month has been the hardest of them all from a faith-less perspective.  We are hard pressed on every side.  People calling day and night...  everyone wanting what it is that we don't have to give.  And then, twice in three months, we have gone online to check the account and found a completely empty bank account.  An account that, prior to the money being taken - sat at its prime position in the month to pay mortgages and leases, and bills.  Indeed it was ripe for the picking.  In three months $5,000.00 has been taken from us without our consent.

It is not that we are pretending we don't owe people money - believe me we do.  It is simply that right now, because we are waiting on things to sell and a job offer to come through - we don't have anything extra to give.  We are being threatened by creditors as if we are holding out something we have- and the part that is just super draining is that we just. don't.  We just don't have anything extra.  It is by God's grace alone, through the hands of His people that we have had the things that we need.  But, some people apparently have the power to take from you when you literally don't have enough to make ends meet as it is.  It was a deep wound.  I will be honest.  I sat on the floor in my bathroom and sobbed big ugly tears.  I cried out loud - and I told Jesus that I am broken hearted.  He promises to be near to those whose hearts are broken.  His promises are true.  Always and forever, His promises are true.

I cried for so long and so deeply, that I curled up and got comfortable.  It is days like today that make me miss my mom in the fiercest of ways.  I know well what she would have done.  She would have brushed my hair.  She would have sat and brushed it for as long as she could manage - assuring me that it would all be okay.  And coming from her, I would have believed it.  I do believe it.  God's Word is Truth - even when I sit and rock myself, crying that this stress, this pressure must come to an end at some point...
Pieces of truth swirl in my mind.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  I am not carrying the right burden.  His Word is Truth.  He is for me - He is always for me.  His love knows no boundaries and He will never fail me.

We just get the wrong idea sometimes.  We believe that the hard things in life make us stronger, when the whole point is that they are supposed to make us more clearly understand our weakness.  It is in our weakness that He can prove His strength.  Praise Him that He can show Himself in a mighty way in our lives.  He can, and I believe with all of my heart - He will and indeed He already is.   I have never felt so weak, so completely inept to even handle what I have on my plate for this very minute.  I hear the growl of that lion, and my heart melts with fear.  All the while, I am sheltered in the shadow of wings - wings of a Mighty Warrior - and One who will not let me slip from His strong grip.  So, to that prowling devil of a lion, I say this, "though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet I believe that His unfailing love for me will not be shaken - nor will His covenant of peace be removed - and this because my Lord has compassion on me!" (Isaiah 54:4)
We may be hard pressed on every side.  And, I surely cannot tell you what will come of things this next month... but these things I hold dear to my heart:
1.  Our God will never leave or forsake us.
2.  Perfect love casts out all fear.
3.  He (God) is good and everything He does is good.
4.  Nothing can separate us from His love.
5.  His plans for us are good.
6.  The enemy will not, and can not win, for the victory was already won on the cross.
7.  Christ is stronger.   He has saved us.  Christ is risen.  Jesus is Lord of all!

Pray for us, please.  But, thank God with us that He already knows the answer to our deepest need.  We need not utter them, for He knows the words before they come out of our mouths.  Pray that He will meet our deepest needs.  Pray that He will show Himself mighty in our lives.  

Be still

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be still.”

That is true, you know?

I mean, exceedingly hard to comprehend, but true, nonetheless.

The Lord has spoken this over my life many times.  He is always in battle for me.  Jesus is ever interceding for me.  He never stops watching over me.  Isn’t it interesting that sometimes, all He wants from us in return is (for us) to be still.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;”

He also was known to use that exact phrase when He got up in the boat and rebuked the waves in Mark 4:39. “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”

Doesn’t it strike you (even a little bit) that it seems like it is the moments in life where the waves are spilling in over the sides of the boat - and they threaten to sink the whole ship - it seems those are the times He says, “be still.”
He knows what we can handle.
He knows our weaknesses.
He knows our inability to calm the waves.

But, the reason He can tell us to be still is that He also knows - He is able.
He has commanded that they cease - and they have NO CHOICE but to obey.
He knows that what we were powerless to do, He did for us on the cross.

As I was thinking that, I pulled up that scripture so that I could remember why I thought the whole earth was still for 3 hours during that time.  Here is what I found:

Luke 23:44-46 records it like this, “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two. 46And Jesus, crying out with a loud voice, said, "Father, INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT." Having said this, He breathed His last.”

Isn’t it something that the whole land was still for 3 hours during the time of Christ’s crucifixion?   I mean, I guess technically, it didn’t have to be still, but it was dark - over the whole land.  When I looked up the word “dark” as used in that verse, it had the synonym blind.  The whole earth was blinded for 3 hours as the sun was obscured.  I also looked that word up - obscured - it said, “fail”, and “to leave; quit”  The sun quit.  I know it is likely describing an eclipse.   But, it is as if the sun couldn’t shine because the Son was dying.  Maybe that is how my “hollywood” brain thinks.  I am dramatic.  But, can’t you just see the sun submitting to the Father as the Son submitted to the Father?

And, talk about a moment of blindness.  Seriously, we couldn’t see at all.  We couldn’t see that the King of Kings was hanging - in pain, and taking away the sins of the world.  Surely we were blind.
I lump myself (and you) in that, because really, haven’t we been just as guilty as those that stood and mocked Him?  I like to think of myself as Mary.  As the one who knew Him.  Who longed to sit at His feet and learn from Him - believing Him and loving Him.  But, so many times I am just as Peter - denying Him - or worse yet, one of the Pharisees - with my list of “duties” and my own record of rights.

This week.  This solemn, and joyous - horrible and wonderful week - I am going to choose to be still.  I am going to choose to look for Him and wait on Him.  And I am going to praise Him that He chose me - even when He knew He would have to die for me, He chose me.

Hallelujah what a Savior!

Meditations...

I thought this was really powerful... "Though Jesus was never less than God - He lived on the earth for 33 years, as though He was never more than a man."
Wow. Not new, but just AMAZING. Really meditate on that for a minute. What that means for you and me... Man, I love Him. :)

DAZED AND CONFUSED?

So much of our confusion, our “depression” and our condemnation (which makes us feel worthless) comes from forgetting the basic things of the Word of God. The good news is that we are not alone in this forgetfulness. Obviously the Galatians and the Ephesians forgot these same things.

Look at Galatians with me:

Paul has just finished reminding the Galatians that he is not after their approval, but God’s alone. He is rebuking them for turning away from the good news so quickly regarding Christ. Look at these few verses in Galatians 1:6-7, “I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be the Good News 7 but is not the Good News at all. You are being fooled by those who deliberately twist the truth concerning Christ.”
Then he begins his discourse in Galatians 2 that hits the specifics of the things they have forgotten and the new things that they are embracing. The cool thing is that he first brags on the leadership who didn’t demand that Titus follow the “law” – and then he fronts out the “so-called” Christians that brought in the new teaching. Trying to take away the freedom that Christ brought – or should I say bought. Read this with me:
Galatians 2:4-5, “Even that question came up only because of some so-called Christians there—false ones, really —who were secretly brought in. They sneaked in to spy on us and take away the freedom we have in Christ Jesus. They wanted to enslave us and force us to follow their Jewish regulations. 5 But we refused to give in to them for a single moment. We wanted to preserve the truth of the gospel message for you.”
He then goes on to say how he and Peter and Barnabas had a strong disagreement because of the way that they had been led astray by other teachers who emphasized the law over God’s grace. I will just type out the next few verses where Paul gets very specific about what made him so angry with all of this teaching.
Galatians 2:16-21, “Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.” 17 But suppose we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then we are found guilty because we have abandoned the law. Would that mean Christ has led us into sin? Absolutely not! 18 Rather, I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. 19 For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ. ] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”
Did you see that? If keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was NO NEED for Christ to DIE!!! Woah. Think on that. Really stop and ponder what Paul is saying there.

Now, look at Galatians 3:1-5, “Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you? For the meaning of Jesus Christ’s death was made as clear to you as if you had seen a picture of his death on the cross. 2 Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not! You received the Spirit because you believed the message you heard about Christ. 3 How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? 4 Have you experienced so much for nothing? Surely it was not in vain, was it? 5 I ask you again, does God give you the Holy Spirit and work miracles among you because you obey the law? Of course not! It is because you believe the message you heard about Christ.”
Okay, so hop over with me to Ephesians if you want to see that this was not an uncommon struggle. I will not quote all of Ephesians to you, though the Word of God is really the only thing that will impart life to you… But, let me just quote this one thing.
Ephesians 2:8-10, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. 10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago”.
You can’t take credit for this… Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done. We are HIS MASTERPIECE! Do you think that He messed up in calling you? If you can’t mess up His calling, and His work, then why do you think any of the rest of it depends on you? It would be as if we hung the Mona Lisa in our living room and then we tried to take some credit for how beautiful the work is (or how flawed, whatever your opinion of Ms. Mona). That is ridiculous. It was never our work. We simply display it for others to see. We are way too self-focused and the enemy knows this and uses it against us. This is how he gets to us. We take our eyes off of the author and perfector of our faith and we put them on ourselves, and our works. This is always a route to failure and depression. Because we are the Israelites. We are hopelessly lost without help from our Jesus. That is why He came! So, we need to remember that God did not call us to walk this thing out on our own, in our own power or strength, but in Him – and in Christ alone.
Finally, I am pondering 1 Corinthians 12 and our gifts. It says here that he created us so we can do the good things HE PLANNED for us long ago. And, that leads directly into the giftings that He has given us as His children. We are each to operate as the part of the body that He made us to be. We are not to get caught up in other people’s callings, because He has clearly made each one of us with a different calling, but the same Spirit. So, though, I will not explore that throroughly, it is something that I cannot help but mention. Because if we are called to be the hands and we are trying to be the feet, we are walking upside down! That doesn’t bring glory to our God, but attention to ourselves – not to mention that we will not be doing any of that in His power, but all of our own, so we will only look rather silly, not to mention feel completely incompetent to do what He is calling us to do.

Alright, I know that was random, but it does give a good image. :)