Tonight I went and saw the movie "October Baby". It was powerful. They asked me to give them three descriptive words of the show.
Mine were:
1. Powerful
2. Real
3. Revealing
It was different (in some ways) than I expected from the trailer. But, it was better. It made me thankful we chose open adoption for so many reasons. It was painfully accurate about some really hard things. It was beautiful and it was full of Truth. It made me thankful for adoption agencies like Aggieland Pregnancy Outreach and New Life that promote awareness of open adoption and the "why" behind it. It made me thankful for our birth-mother and her choices all over again.
This movie will be opposed by many.
It is way too full of Truth.
It is way to full of a really difficult reality. But it is so beautifully handled.
It is potentially full of healing for so many who feel like they are beyond the reach of peace. And so, it will be opposed. But, I am begging you - even if it is just because you are curious - to pre-order tickets to see the show when it comes to our town of College Station. You should also do that if you live in any other town where it is showing. Buy your tickets in advance - and take as many people as you can to see the movie with you. You won't regret it.
Our adoption agency had to agree to buy 1000 tickets in order to get the show to come to our theater. That means if 1000 tickets pre-sell, then they won't have to "eat" any costs. If not, the Lord will provide because I believe that they did it on faith because the message is so necessary. They want the Lord to be glorified and they want the Truth to be proclaimed. If you want to contact me about getting a ticket in advance, I will be thrilled to get you one - or many. Right now, the show will only be in College Station for the 23rd and the 24th. Unless we show up big time, and show the people at the theater that we love a good movie with a good message. The hard truth is, if it doesn't yield the dollars that something else will, they will oust it in a minute. But, every ticket purchased is a ticket that might mean it stays a day longer. Anyway, I highly recommend the show, the message and all the back story to anyone who wants to take a closer look at real life. It was very well done.
Now, I am going to spend some time processing all the things that are in my mind. God is bigger than the biggest mess we are in. He is Faithful when no one else is. He is merciful beyond any measure. I am smitten by His gracious love for me. I hope when you go to bed tonight, you are smitten by His love for you as well.
It goes without saying that I am not Jesus, or God. (okay, okay, you can stop laughing now...)
It goes without saying that you aren't either.
Funny how this can be so complicated to remember sometimes.
It struck me (again) today that we humans have a tendency to find what works for us - what the Spirit is leading us individually to do, and put that off on other people. Somehow, those who are not called to the same type things are just viewed as morbidly stuck without hope for abundance. But, that really is not true.
Let me explain what I am talking about. I will hit on two or three very common lines of thinking. Beginning with the newest - and most widely spreading form of "better than". Now, don't get me wrong. I do not feel like any of these things I am going to address are wrong or right in and of themselves. And, I am hoping not to even let on to what I personally do in any of these situations. I want to be as unbiased as possible. However, in all of this there is a danger. A very wise woman said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." I just absolutely believe that is true. You can not and will not be a better someone else than they are. You are meant to be YOU. God made you the way He made you and He made you (wonderful) for a purpose. YOUR purpose. Not your friend's purpose, or the people you spend the most time with. You specifically are to be You. That is what He has called you to be. And that, when lived to the fullest is BEAUTIFUL! No matter what it looks like.
People who are likeminded usually end up conforming to be almost an exact replica of someone they esteem - which then becomes... (deep breath) idolatry. Before you want to hang me, please read on because I believe there is freedom here that is being stolen from so many of us! There is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with people who are like you. It is a beautiful thing to realize that although you are uniquely you - you are not terribly unlike many other people. So, it is natural and good to join with those who think the same way as you for support and to encourage each other towards godliness. However, when you decided that you are going to let that person be your Holy Spirit, you are losing something very precious. You are losing the ability to hear the Lord for yourself, and live your life unto its fullest purpose.
Three distinct topics of discussion that consistently present themselves to me:
1. Kids and church: to attend "big church" with them or send them to sunday school (or children's worship)
2. Homeschooling vs. Christian schools vs. public schools
3. Breastfeeding vs. the bottle
Whew - that is certainly a list isn't it? I can almost feel the glares as I tread these waters.... hang in there. You can let me know what you think when it is all said and done. (This is the beauty of a blog) I get to speak my mind first, and then you can respond once I've already said (almost) all that I have to say about it. :)
Church: The two "sides":
1. Why doesn't everyone just take their children to church with them? Parenting in the pew builds character and they need the message too. I am a better parent if I take them with me instead of pushing them off on someone else to watch them. I feel sad for the parents who won't embrace this part of their calling. Just because we are at church, I don't stop being their main teacher of the Truths in Scripture. This is my primary calling - to be the best wife and mother to my husband and children.
2. Why would I EVER take my kids with me to church? I finally get a "break". Am I a selfish failure if I like the idea of Sunday school for my kids? I can't hear the message that I desperately need if I am constantly correcting them and having to parent when there is a perfectly wonderful (and age appropriate) message meant just for them. When I take them, I can't learn from the Lord what I need to do. It is such a hinderance. It makes me a worse parent, not a better parent to have them with me.
You want to know what I think? There are two very important things to get to before I can tell you.
1. What does God prompt you to do?
Are you doing one thing or another because you feel guilty and selfish for doing it one way or the other? Are you being convicted about it, and just being resistant because you just don't like the idea of it? The ONLY thing that matters is what is God saying to you? What does your husband feel about this area? Follow his leading. God made him the head of your household for a reason. Even if you completely disagree with him, your job is to follow him and trust that the Lord has bigger things to teach you in the process! Every child is different - if you have more than one you already know this. Every family is different. Yours does not have to look exactly like what someone else thinks it should. It should only matter what God thinks about it. He will make it clear to you. But guilt is not the same thing as conviction. In fact, they are extremely different things. The only right thing to do is the thing that God says is right for your family. No matter how strong the argument is that someone else is trying to convince you with. It never says in the Bible, "Thou shalt send your children to Sunday School" or "Thou shalt take your children into big church with you". Nope, this is not a matter of godly and ungodly. This is a matter of learning from the Wisest teacher of all - the Holy Spirit.
2. What is your motive?
This is not a fun question usually. It typically uncovers something ugly. Maybe you want to be seen as "more spiritual" as a family. Maybe you want to be seen as someone who "doesn't make an idol" of your family. Either way - pride can easily be at the root of this. When you decide to judge others, or let others judge you based on the preferences you have in worship, you are giving way to pride - and that is neither pretty, nor holy. I have heard this both ways. "The Lord teaches me so much when I have my kids with me. I am so selfish...." and "I just need time with Jesus. My family is not my idol. I love them, but God gets first place with me, so my kids don't need to take from that time." Both things can be said and it be good - and both things can be said and it is prideful. It all comes down to motive.
So, it gets easier from here to know what I think about all of it... homeschooling, private school, public school. Breastfeeding, bottles... it is all up to God. Even adoption. This is another "hot topic". You are not more godly if you adopt a child - necessarily. You are not selfish to want biological children - necessarily. Our family is not more holy because we had the deep desire to adopt in our hearts. Our family is not less holy because we had four biological children first. WHAT DOES GOD WANT FOR YOU? This is the only thing that matters. I think it is good for us to be prompted to think on these things. It is good to think about all the children who are already born that need love and so much more.... but it isn't a rule then that every "good Christian" should adopt. That is like saying not having children is a sin. It can be. But, it can also be what God calls you to- let Him be God for everyone else and just worry about what He says is His will for your family. You can share the ways the Lord uses things to help others have a different perspective. But, my perspective and your perspective are not God's. For His ways are higher than my own, as are His thoughts. That is the Truth of it all. He alone will judge the hearts of men.
Last rant before I sign off on this topic... if whatever you are doing is a constant struggle and you are not learning from the Lord. Seek His face. Ask Him to show you what is best. If you are constantly under condemnation (this is not from God) and feeling guilty - then you need to remember that it is better to live for the One who created you and can destroy your soul than to live to please any man. You may need to take some time to pray and read the Word and ask God what His will is for you. And, of course, if you are married - the answer is simple. Follow the lead of the one who was meant to lead you. :) For wives, that is the husband and (of course) Jesus. For the husband - that is Jesus.
Essentially, it all comes down to obedience. Are you doing it because everyone else does, or are you doing it because God said to? That is really all that matters. Really.
Celebrate that God has made your family uniquely for Himself. Set apart in your minds that He is the Lord of all - and surrender to that which He calls you to. It will by far be the best option!
I am constantly amazed at the way I can see God’s hand all over my daughter’s life. Of course, He says it in His Word that He cares for us all this way, but it is so different... So visible to me in her life. We have prayed and prayed for her life to shout of His Glory. We have prayed that she will know her birth-mom, Candice. We have prayed that we could establish relationships with her biological family so that we can answer any question that she ever wants to know. I can’t explain with words how it feels to be her mom. She is my daughter. My beloved daughter. She is to me as much mine as Maddy (or any of my boys). There is no difference in the way we love her. She is our daughter. I don’t think people can understand this. God wrote her on our hearts long before she was born. The difference is, he brought her to earth through a precious lady named Candice. God grew our family far beyond what we ever knew He would. How precious that is to me.
This past week God proved Himself again to be the “ordainer of days”. He has surely ordained every step in Mia’s life. As I was showing a friend of mine a picture of Candice (and two of her sister’s), she said that Blair, Candice’s full sister looked familiar. I told her where I thought she knew her from and then, in an instant - everything changed. She asked me, “didn’t I just see her at the daycare?” My heart jumped. No, it couldn’t be... How could she have worked for us and we didn’t even know? But, surely, this beautiful girl that I have looked at every morning (in the picture) as I prayed for her was even at that moment working at the daycare. I was stunned. I was ready to run there on foot! I called Tiffany (our wonderful director) and asked if Blair was still at work. She said yes. I told Tiffany not to let her leave... I was on my way to come and talk to her. So many thoughts were racing through my mind.
Can you imagine? For over three months this precious, beautiful girl had been right beside us, and we didn’t even know. God had brought her to us. God had set her in that place for a bigger purpose than any of us knew. I knew that there was no way she could’ve known. So, I pulled her out of her class and asked her to sit down. Then, I told her, “My daughter, my baby girl is your neice.” She was trying to process it, and I cleared it up even more. “My baby girl is your sister, Candice’s baby.” The moment was priceless. It was one that I will treasure in my heart forever! We stood and talked - and of course, we went to see Mia (who was trying to fall asleep). Blair told me that she had just seen Candice and that she had asked her about “the baby”. Little did she know that she had been seeing “the baby” about three days a week for over three months! Wow. Let that really hit you. She had been seeing her, and keeping Jude - for months - yet she was praying and aching in her heart to know where she was and that she was okay. All the while none of us knew it. All the while God was letting us get to know Blair outside of her life as our daughter’s aunt. I taught her CPR. I talked to her, off and on for months before we knew. And in that moment, when it hit me, EVERYTHING changed.
She is a beautiful girl. That is one very funny part of the story. Tiffany and I had been talking about all of the girls at work, evaluating them, and when her name came up, I said, “Tell me again who she is.” And then, I answered my own question, “Oh, she is the girl that has a really beautiful face, and amazing eyes, right?” And Tiffany said yes. I already thought she was beautiful. But, she became in that instant much more beautiful to me.
I just wanted to stare at her. I see so much of Candice, so much of Mia in her face.. In her eyes. It is hard to explain (or understand) the love that is in my heart for Blair already. Of course, I have been praying for her for 9 months! But, I mean it. It is so weird, but I adore her. I would do anything for her. I can’t wait for Mia to be old enough to understand this story. God has just shown me over and over again how He has a plan for every day of my little girl’s life. For all of my babies, He has a plan, a BEAUTIFUL plan. It is no wonder that there was such warfare over this precious baby’s life. She will have a testimony that shouts to the world that there is a God. There is a loving, Creator that thinks the world of her. What an amazing story. How blessed we are to be a part of it. I am simply in awe of the beauty of my God.
I don't have words to describe the thankfulness that is in my heart. Today, September 1, 2009 a 9 month old prayer became a reality! Today, our birthmom, Candice held her baby again - for the first time since we brought her home from the hospital. Wow. I knew I had prayed for it. I knew it would mean a lot to me... but I really had no idea. When the Word talks about Jesus doing things abundantly beyond what we can even ask or imagine, well it is just that. I couldn't have even imagined what a sweet time it would be. For over an hour (almost an hour and a half), I watched her hold Mia. She wouldn't take her eyes off of her. She just kept talking about how beautiful, how sweet, how content... how you can tell she is well cared for and loved. She talked to me like a friend. Not like I was some stranger that was raising "her baby"... but like a friend, like someone she trusts and as if she knew she can let her guard down around me. She said that she guesses it was "Time for her to see Mia again. She was more prepared." Except - she was totally not prepared for our visit! She isn't living with her mom anymore... and we had NO idea that she would be there. I dared to ask some friends to pray that if it was God's timing she would be... but she had no "reason" to be there.
She said that she just knew that she should come see her mom. She understands that there is a reason for everything under heaven! There is so much more! So much, but it is sooo late! I just had to get some out before I busted! What a FAITHFUL God we serve! What an amazing Creator! What a Beautiful Savior. I am in awe of His hand in our lives. We are blessed beyond measure. Wow.
Tomorrow... oh tomorrow. I don't have words in my heart to describe all of the things I feel about tomorrow. What a precious day. Praise flows from my heart... our little girl... our miracle baby girl... We will finally get her birth certificate. We will get her social security card. We will officially give her a new name. She has always been our little girl in our hearts. This ceremony will not make her ours. God made her ours before the world began. But, this ceremony, this precious ceremony will be when we make a covenant before our families, and before our God that we will care for her for all of her life with the love that God has given us - that we will raise her according to His Word. She will be, finally... adopted.
I wish my mom were here. How beautiful that the very day that my mom passed away 16 years ago is the day that we will finalize the adoption of our precious daughter. But God has given us hope. It hit me several months ago that God really intended for us to all be a family forever! Though heaven is not about reuniting with loved ones we have lost... it is simply about being in the presence of the Only one Holy... the Lord God Almighty - and worshipping Him forever and ever.... it is still true that I will see my mom again. And she will see my kids. She will know them forever and ever. I don't know what that looks like. I only know that our fleeting time here is NOTHING in comparison to FOREVER! I was 17 when I lost my mom. That means that next year I will have lived as long without her as I did with her. Hear me when I say our time on Earth is so small in comparison to all of eternity. The Bible says it is only a breath. Think of that... One breath. How fleeting is that? How many breaths do we take in just one hour... one day... and one breath.... I want to grasp this. I want to live for the forever side of life.
All of this to say that my heart rejoices in what the Lord has done for us. The Lord is faithful in everything He does. He is good and everything He does is good. He is Holy. He is Worthy. He is Beautiful. He is Sovereign. Praise His Name! Praise Him for the works of His hands!
It's easy to see how life has become too busy when I think about all that the Lord has accomplished over the last month and I haven't even written about it. The biggest news... our birthmother signed the voluntary relinquishment papers, which means that we don't have to terminate her rights. It was beautiful. The Lord in all of His Sovereign majesty saw fit to bring her to just the right place at just the right time. It was nothing short of a miracle - and I want you to be able to praise the Lord with me! He is gracious and compassionate... slow to become angry and abounding in love. He is the Creator of the ends of the earth. The Everlasting God. The God who saves. This is now my prayer - again. I am asking that He will pull her from the depths. I am asking that He will reach His mighty arm down from on high and save her soul. But, in this time He has also taught me that we are not just to seek His arm... His arm that provides. He longs for us to seek His face. To seek Him. Simply, He invites us to know Him... which is much better than any gift that His arm might bring.
I am called to be a woman of prayer. I seek His arm literally all day long. But, it is in the still moments... those quiet times when all the kids are asleep and there is little else that could be done that He whispers to me... "Seek My face..." So, as David, I long for my response to be "Your face Lord will I seek..." Though there is nothing at all wrong with asking the Lord to provide for us, for our friends and family... there is nothing wrong with asking the Lord to reach down from on High and save... He wants us to ask Him to do those things. He loves to provide for us. But, He longs that we know Him. He says, "My beloved your companions are fortunate to hear your voice... let me hear it too." (Song of Songs 8:13.)
In June we will be able to finalize our adoption. Technically, that means that Mia will be recognized by the State of Texas as our daughter. Her new birth certificate will be printed and she will be Mia Destiny Simmons. She will officially be "adopted". That reminds me of something that we have to claim. Many people don't even realize that they think that adoption somehow means "less". I will tell you what I mean. Didn't we tease our friends or siblings about being adopted when we wanted them to feel like they didn't belong? That is rooted in something that Satan has been trying to do in our hearts since before we could ever understand. He wants us to feel like adoption is less, because if we ever really got it... that we are adopted by the King... well... let's just say it wouldn't bode well for the dark kingdom. Can you imagine if for one day you really lived like you were a Daughter of the King? Princesses live in castles (okay going to fairy tale land for a minute). They wear beautiful dresses, they have favor with the King. They get to eat at the royal table and ride in the royal coach. They have beds that are soft and comfy and they are never in a place of want. Even think of Princess Diana. Though, I don't really know what it was like to be her - one thing I really understand - it was easy to grasp... she had favor before the people. She was recognized as a princess. She was royalty and there was a certain air about her that made people have respect for her. I don't mean to ramble... but really, we just don't understand. The Bible tells us that we are now co-heirs with Christ. We are a royal priesthood. But we spend most of our lives living as if we were a pauper.
Can you imagine if we dressed our biological children in beautiful clothes and we dressed our precious Mia in rags? What if we didn't have a seat at the table for her, so she had to eat alone a distance away from the table? And yet, isn't this the image that you have of yourself with God? You aren't "worthy" to eat at the royal table? You are less because you are not a natural born child of His? We aren't worthy on our own. We are unable to be holy enough to get to our God. He is perfection and beauty and purity. We are filthy. But, that is why the promise is so sweet. That is why the gift of Jesus is everything we need to hold on to. His (Jesus') righteousness was put on my account when I came to know Him as my Savior. My outstanding debt was wiped clean and His righteousness was posted to me. God views me as His child. God does not see me as less. He does not look at me as the one He felt obligated to save. I want Him to continue to teach me about this. But, I want you to know this... I never knew until we had Mia in our home to love what adoption really meant. I am an imperfect person. I do not love perfectly like God does. But, I can promise you that this precious baby girl is not loved less. Many times I actually forget that she didn't come from my body. She is my daughter. Before time began, God had written her on my heart and she is my child - not one bit less than my biological children. She isn't somehow inferior to her brothers and sisters. We love them all the same. There is no exception with our Mia.
God is opening my eyes about how much we should rejoice that we have been adopted as His children. Ephesians 1:5-12 says it this way, "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will - to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.... in Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ may be for the praise of His glory."
I was laying out on the trampoline. Two precious babies asleep, three big kiddos in school... and I was having a moment of quiet peacefulness and talking with the Lord. In that sweet time, the Lord etched something on my heart that was so sweet. I will conclude this long note with it. My prayer is that I would no longer let the enemy steal from me my inheritance, and that you wouldn't let him steal it from you either. I know how much I love Mia. I know how there is no difference, nothing "less" about my love for her. I want to understand more clearly how that applies to me in regards to our Perfect, Loving Daddy. Lord, help me get it...
I Am Chosen
I was chosen by the Creator before the world began.
He formed me in my mother’s womb and chose to give me life and call me His child.
I was chosen to receive this life by my birth-mom
who carried me inside for 8 months instead of ending my life by abortion.
I was chosen by my adoptive family, both in their hearts before they knew me,
and now physically as they get to love and care for me.
I was chosen. I am chosen. I am dearly loved.
I am loved by my Creator - God. I am loved by my birth-mother.
I am loved by my adoptive family.
I am not less because I am adopted.
I have been given a chance at life.
I am chosen. I am cherished. I am loved. I am adored. I am adopted.
The workings inside the heart are interesting for sure. I would love to say that throughout this journey my heart has not been divided. However, I would not be human if somewhere deep inside the urge to pack Mia up, holding her tightly in my arms screaming “mine, mine, mine…” and move to Mexico tomorrow wasn’t inside of me. That is the beauty of God. He knows this about me. He knows in my weakness, when my thoughts start to wander to an “easier” path that I want to run away with her. Run away period. Life is not easy or tidy. I am so weak in my flesh. And it is costly. Not costly as far as the world sees, but costly in my spirit – to my heart. I am missing out on intimacy with God that nothing else will replace. There is no excitement, or love, or joy that compares to those found in the Lord. If you have not known this personally, you shouldn’t just take my word for it. You should taste and see that the Lord is good. Start with 30 minutes a day in the Word. Then increase it to 45. Once you begin you won’t be the same, and you won’t want to miss it. He will speak things into your life… into your heart that will be like sweet music to the soul! You won’t ever know what it is to be loved until you grasp a little bit of how He loves you. You won’t ever know what it is to ache until you have shared His ache for the lost and the wounded. He has set all things up to reveal His glory, but His glory lies in binding up the brokenhearted and setting the captives free. He is a God of freedom. He is a God who loves perfectly. How could I doubt what He has planned for our family, for Mia, for Candice? It is impossible when I look at how He has operated in my life to this point. I feel young, and still I feel like He has revealed Himself, and His faithfulness to me so many times and in so many ways in my life! I am so blessed to have watched Him heal my sister from leukemia, perfectly heal my mother (through death on the earth), bring me a husband and five amazing children! Our businesses, our lives, our everything are as a result of His grace and mercy in our lives. We were bound for divorce, out of money, out of luck, out of hope until the Lord reached in and made Himself so real to us. I’ll never forget. He didn’t tell us “Hey, I’ll get you out of this mess.” He said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” It is in the seeking that we are blessed. Not seeking Him for the sake of blessing, but seeking Him and His kingdom. He is worth seeking. He is worth everything. Oh, if I could only be like the man in the field who went and sold everything he had to go buy the field with the priceless pearl. Would I really sell it all? Would I? If God took away everything from me, would I live like Anna in the temple praising Him night and day, or would I look to fill my life up with other things. I am not sure that I know my heart well enough to answer that correctly. I know what I want to say. I know what I want to be true… but I am not sure that I would do it right! The time is coming where we need to be fighting hard against our flesh… and the pull seems to be getting stronger. God is faithful and God is worthy! Help us Lord to be faithful to you!
The phone rang at 5:18 Sunday, December the 7thin the evening. Something inside of us just knew. Ken even knew that she was already born, already here, just waiting for us to come and get her. We listened carefully as Don helped us understand that situation. Now, I will back up, because already we have missed some very important points.
For some reason, each pregnancy – before we were able to find out… I knew whether we were having a boy or a girl. God whispered it in my heart. I don’t have an explanation, other than He is a kind God. He told me with each baby what to expect. It was never a surprise at the ultrasound. Adoption, though outside of my body, was never outside of my heart. In the same manner that God spoke to me about my biological children, He spoke to me about our precious adopted baby. I told Ken before we ever completed the paperwork that I believed we would be having a Hispanic-mix baby girl. I told several of my close friends, and my sister as well. So, as we spoke with Don, and he told us about our little girl, there was no surprise when he said that she was a Hispanic- mix baby girl. Ken hugged me very close to him as we listened on two different phones and we both just stood there in awe of the Lord. (Romans 2:4, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?”)
As we hung up the phone, we shared story after story (in about two minutes) of reasons that this was almost exactly as we thought it would be. I pass our adoption agency every day on the way to take the kiddos to school. For the last two weeks I have thought “They could call today” every time I passed. There wasn’t an anxiety, or pain in my heart… it was more of a matter-of-fact kind of thing. They could call… and I would pray for our birthmother and our baby each day until they did. I was walking through the store and it came to mind as I passed a pink sleeper to buy it… and then again as I passed a little girl Christmas stocking. I walked off, thinking I was a little loopy to be thinking of that. For heaven’s sake, we haven’t even gotten a call about a mother looking at our book…
I had hoped to meet our birth-mom before she delivered. I wanted her to know so many things. I wanted her to understand how we pray for her all the time, and how important it is to me that we keep in touch with her. I wanted her to know that I think she is amazing for carrying the baby for nine months and then making such a self-less decision. I wanted to hug her, and laugh with her…just to take care of her some way. But, the Lord had other plans. (Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21)
So, back to Sunday, December the 7th. The next few days were a whirlwind of events. The Lord was so gracious to us. I don’t understand why He loves us the way that He does. We laugh because nothing ever happens in our lives that happens to “normal” people. The daycares – not “normal” business purchases by any stretch of the imagination, but fully His hand. We are used to not being normal. I know some of you are laughing hard right now. But, it is true. We almost have grown to expect the unexpected. The next morning as we did our Bible study, I read the scripture in Psalms that says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7.) The kids and I talked about the Lord’s Sovereignty, and even though we didn’t know exactly what our birth-mom would choose, we KNEW that God was in control, and that He is trustworthy!!! We also read Psalm 111 and were reminded that everything that God does reveals His glory and majesty. Yes, Lord EVERYTHING. The good things, and the hard things. It blessed my heart to hear Jacob pray for our birth-mom, and the situation… “and we know that if she gives her baby to us, you will reveal your glory and if she gives her baby to someone else you will reveal your glory…” Wow. Yes, Lord. Reveal your glory indeed!
We went to the hospital the night we got the call. We didn’t want to tell anyone why we were there, or what our intent was.Honestly, we didn’t have any right to. We just simply went there because we knew our little girl was there, and we needed to pray for her – where she was. We couldn’t even get a glimpse of her, but we stood outside the window for a long time and just stared inside the glass. As we stood there, I reached down to put my hand on my stomach. I had the most enormous butterflies in my stomach. Ken looked at me and smiled. He said, “Welcome to my world. This is my fifth time to have these butterflies.” I hadn’t said a word, I had simply touched my hand to my stomach. And then, he said this… “every time one of our children is behind that glass, this is how I feel”. I just began to smile and cry. Yes, our little girl was back there, there was no doubt in our minds. It is precious to me that God would allow us to feel that. I will always treasure that feeling, those moments in the hospital before we could even see her. We stood outside the window and prayed (and cried) and then we left – with a certainty in our hearts that we would be back to get her. It was a precious (but hard) night.
The next several days seemed to drag on, and yet, seemed to go by so fast. I praise the Lord for the ways that He had prepared Ken and I for what would come next. Our birth-mom had really leaned towards adoption, but then, at the end, she changed her mind, and there was the potential for one of her family members to take our little girl. We called all of our friends and asked them to pray. We knew in our hearts that we were to pray for her as our little girl. But, we asked if others couldn’t pray the same (that she would be ours), then they should pray the Lord’s will over her life. I can’t describe to you why we believed so strongly. I guess the Lord had done so many things to show us that she was ours we knew it would be sin to doubt Him. Maddy even showed me an entry in her prayer journal that was dated the day that Mia was born. It said, “Dear God, I pray for our birth-mom, wherever she is. If she is in Texas, or in Bryan, Please keep her healthy. Amen.” Just as she was going to the hospital in labor with our second daughter, the Lord put her on our first daughter’s heart. These things are precious to me. There are a hundred stories like that. I know that we can be afraid to presume upon the Lord… to think that our will is really His, but in this case, He made it very clear to me that I was to BELIEVE Him. (2 Samuel 7:28 "O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.") Nothing more and nothing less. He is God. He is not obligated to do anything just because I believe it to be true. But, He is God, and if He asks me to pray believing Him, then I had better listen. Matthew, Mark and John all talk about praying and believing. For the first time in my life I believed wholeheartedly for something that I didn’t yet have. I knew that my circumstances don’t change His character. I was not saying that if He didn’t do things the way I thought He would that He had messed up, or tricked me. But, He would not allow me to doubt at any level. He would not allow me NOT to presume that He is exactly who He says He is. I know the tricky part is that we are human and we make mistakes. We can be deceived… I can hear a whole list of reasons in my head why that is tricky. And if we ever say that God is less than who He is based on a circumstance in our life, then we have fallen away from the truth. Mia is His daughter first. He did not owe her to us. He was not obligated to give her to us. Just as at any moment He could take away any of our children, He could have her. But she was His gift to us. That we knew in our hearts. He made it so clear to me that I couldn’t hide behind “not presuming” – for me at that moment it would have been rooted in nothing less than doubt that He could do what He said He would – it would be a safety net in case He didn’t come through. As in Acts 18:27, He gave me the grace to believe Him, and I will NEVER forget it.
As the days unfolded, there were meetings. Meetings in which, it looked very slim for us to be getting her, even temporarily. We heard about things that just don’t happen. We heard one thing for fifteen minutes, and then we would get a call saying the exact opposite. And we prayed. We fasted as a family for the first time ever. My children were precious as I told them that they didn’t have to fast with me, but I invited them to. And each one of them decided not to eat breakfast! It was precious to me. They sought the Lord in prayer for their little sister… and later that night, we brought her home.
Oh there are many more things…
This is entirely long, and I could write for hours more, but I will close with two things. First, I will include a letter that I wrote to our precious little girl before we got the call that we were to come and get her. And secondly, I will end with a request.
My precious Mia,
I don’t know how to tell you what has gone on in your daddy’s and my heart over the last few days. Words seem inadequate to describe the certainty we have that you are our daughter. Even as I type this, I realize that I haven’t seen you. I haven’t heard you. I haven’t held you. But I know you are ours. I asked the Lord this morning if I could see you today. I want badly for you to know I am here… waiting just to hold you and love you and help you understand how loved you are.
Daddy and I came up to the hospital to pray over you. We wanted so badly to catch a glimpse of you… or hear your cry. As we stood in the window, I got butterflies in my stomach. Even my body knew you were close… so close. Daddy said very precious words to me then. As I put my hand on my stomach, he said to me that this was his fifth time to have those butterflies. And then he said this, “Every time one of my babies is in there, this is how I feel. And it doesn’t go away until I have them in my arms again.” Daddy and I are aching to hold you. I will always treasure that feeling, that moment… always…
It is amazing to me that God chose you before the creation of the world to be in our family. He chose you for us. He wrote you in our hearts long before we knew you. He chose your birthmother, Candice to carry you… to give you life. She wanted badly to raise you herself, but God made it clear that the most loving thing she could do for you was to place you in our arms. So, just as our arms ache to hold you now, her arms ache to hand you to us. She loves you, precious Mia.
She gave you the name Destiny. I smile as I think about the Lord’s hand in that. You have a wonderful destiny indeed, my daughter. God has chosen you. There is a great battle taking place in the heavenlies even now over your life. The enemy does not want you to come home. But, our God is the Almighty warrior and I am confident that you will be in my arms soon. I am praying that we can bring you home tomorrow. I cannot wait to see your eyes, comb you hair and touch your face. I want to see every inch of you – and memorize it. No matter what time in your life you read this, and no matter how many times… I want you to know that there is NEVER a reason to doubt that you were born to be our daughter. God does not make mistakes. You, my precious one were destined to be a child of God’s and our daughter. Never let the enemy steal that from you. You have a great heritage, both through your birthmother’s family, and now, praise the Lord – from ours.
We love you from the depths of our soul,
Mommy and Daddy
So, if you have read this far, and you haven’t fallen asleep, I will make a request of you. Mia is in our home, legally only temporarily. We are the substitute care providers. Our birthmom’s rights have not been terminated, so we are not technically in the adoption phase yet. We are meeting her, this Friday, January 9th at 2:30 to let her see Mia and she has said she will sign the termination papers. PLEASE pray for her. None of us can understand her pain. We cannot understand how life has brought her to this place. I am asking that you would pray for God’s will for Candice and for our Mia. Please pray that the Lord’s will would be done and that His kingdom would come in Candice’s life. Pray that she will be lead only by Him, and that the enemy would not be able to lie to her. Pray that Mia’s life will be protected by the Lord – as it already has been. Thank you for the way that you love us. Thank you for praying for our birth mom. She is precious to us. If there is anything in you that holds something against her, please pray that the Lord will give you understanding and a compassion to love her. She is His creation. I am begging Him that she will become His child.
Mia "Destiny" Simmons... Born weighing 5 lbs. 2 oz. - 17 inches long, on December 4, 2008. She is tiny and BEAUTIFUL! Praise the Lord our little girl is at home. Please be praying that God's will alone will be done in her little life - and soon. The battle is not over yet, though we believe that she is our daughter. Please pray for our birthmom. Pray that God's will is done and that His kingdom will come in her life. He is an amazing God, and when the time is right, we will share the story of His faithfulness during this time. Thank you to all of our friends and family that have come over and helped with laundry, and brought us little pink gifts. I cannot express the gratitude in my heart for you. Your words of encouragement and your prayers have been so precious to our hearts. You are an amazing bunch of loving people! I praise the Lord for you in my life! Keep praying for God's will to win out soon in our little girl's life. What a precious gift she has already been in our family! The Lord is amazing!
Deuteronomy 4:7 " What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him?"
We do not have a God that is far off, or unable to act. We have a God who loves us deeply and does more than we can ask or imagine when we call to Him in prayer. He is near to us indeed!
Please pray! We have received a call from our adoption agency. It is complicated. There is much warfare over this little one's life. Please take a minute and pray for her. Pray God's will over her life. Pray for His Kingdom to prevail in this situation. I have much more to share, but it isn't quite the time. Pray with urgency... and thank you for loving our family enough to do that. Can't wait to share more! Christy
okay, nobody be offended... there really isn't any new news. I am just letting everyone know that officially here. We are waiting. It is a beautiful time to wait on the Lord and ask Him to remind us daily that He is in control and knows the exact moment when we will meet our precious birthmom. So, nothing new, but each day is one day closer than we were before :) Keep praying for us - and especially for our birthmom. We cannot imagine her pain, her story... her ache. Love you all!
This is such a fun (and busy) time of life! We are waiting (on the Lord - really) on our birthmom to find us. We are waiting to see what the Lord will do with our housing situation. We are waiting to see what the Lord has for us in business (both the exisiting ones, and others...). We are waiting... and I am excited! God is moving and doing things that make us want to shout! We have been looking for a house for a while. We don't have to move. We are just feeling like it is time. We have been looking, but not found anything. A few months ago, I looked at a house and I told Ken and the realtor (our friend, Lisa Smith) that it was the most practical house we'd looked at yet for our family. HOWEVER, it was about $50,000 too expensive. That is a pretty big amount of money. The next thing I know - about a week ago, Lisa calls me and says that they are coming off of the price $50,000. But, what is more, they will take an offer $100k less. Wow! Our God is so amazing. So, there are some problems with the house (not in the structural construction), the original builder left the house a well constructed shell, but the owner finished out the sheetrock (in a hurry and it shows upstairs...) So, we contact another friend from church (Bill Moss) to see if he will look at the house with us and get us an estimate on what it will take to make the house wonderful :) Well, you will never believe - Bill Moss was the original builder! Who would know it better than the original builder? Funny to see that the original builder may just get to finish the house out yet! Again, we just smiled and thought - this sounds just like God. We aren't sure that this is the house the Lord has for us- only He knows for sure. We still just wait and pray and see how things go. But, so far, we are seeing that only the Lord can do the most amazing things. Can you imagine? Getting the most practical house for our family for less than what we thought was an ideal price? I know that if this is God's hand in our lives, He will provide just what we need... at just the right price... at just the right time. He is amazing. It is so fun to watch Him moving in our lives.
As we wait on our birthmom, we pray for her every night. What a blessing to hear my husband's heart for her. We can't wait to meet her. We can't wait to see what she is like. We can't wait to see if she is pregnant with a boy or a girl! It is sooo exciting! Again, it may not happen this week, this month, or this year... but God knows exactly when He will bring her (physically) into our lives. She is already in our hearts and prayers. I just think He is amazing. And I know that He is Faithful! His Word says that He is unable to be unfaithful (2 Timothy).
I am celebrating the fact that I belong to the Creator of all life! I have been adopted by Him. I was chosen before the beginning of the world - and so were you, if you belong to Him. Listen to this... John 16:27, "For the Father himself loves you dearly because you love me and believe that I came from God." Jesus says that if you love Him, then the Father loves you dearly. What's more is if you keep reading, He says that God loves you JUST THE SAME as He loved His own Son, Jesus. Look at this, John 17:23 " I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me."
What? He loves us as much as He loves His Son. God's Word is true. There are no mistakes. The next time you are feeling unloved, or unlovely, remember that you are loved as much as the One who is seated beside our Holy God right now! Wow... I know I don't get that. As much as I want to, I know I just don't. God is amazing. That is truth! Pray for us as we are making many decisions. Pray that the Lord will continue to be so clear, and that we will not have any agendas of our own!
Well, as is the nature of adoption... each month that goes by is one month that we are closer to holding our sweet baby in our arms! Exciting times are coming as I will have two little ones running around in diapers and babbling! We have FINALLY done it. We have finally gotten everything done so that our lifebook can be put into circulation. I thought months ago it would be out... but now, really as of next week, we will be "out there"... Alright to all of you who said we were already "out there" :) Please be praying for Maddy. I didn't realize that she still thought we were just waiting on a birthmom to choose us, and it fostered a lot of doubt in her. Now that we really will be showing our lifebook, I will continually talk with them all about what a birthmom has to go through during this choosing process - hopefully taking the anxiety off of them and replacing it with a prayerful heart for her. We have now been able to talk about the fact that our lifebook wasn't even being shown, and it did help, but I really want her to understand that even if it takes another 9 months to be chosen, God has all of the timing worked out... and He knows everything about our baby!
I am so excited that the time has really come! We are really all done getting paperwork filled out! I couldn't be more thrilled about it. I praise God for our adoption agency APO. They continually kept in contact with us - spurring us on, to get everything done. They are such a loving group of people. I love them truly. Praise God with me that we are almost there... ha! Almost ready to wait again :) I will keep you informed how it all goes, but rejoice with me that we are here!
Yeah!!! I turned our lifebook in on June 30! So, now we wait... we wait on the Lord's sovereign timing. We pray for our birth-mom and our baby. We pray that the Lord will keep us in His mercy while we wait on Him. I want it to be true that He renews our strength as we wait on His hand in this. I am still so excited to see what He has in store. I am still fighting for this excitement, as I know the enemy would love to steal it away. But, I LOVE that God's Word is true, and even as we wait - we can rest.
We just got home from Sea World and the kids loved it. I am ready to settle into some kind of summer routine, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen anytime soon. The picture is from the front entrance at Sea World... aren't my children just beautiful!!! We are blessed indeed!
We are having an exciting June! With birthdays out the waazoo, VBS, and Swim Lessons we have been busy! HOWEVER, we have been busy in other ways too. Our Home Study with Aggieland Adoption Agency was finished last week and now we just have to turn in our lifebook! It means that very soon, we will have a book out for birth-moms to look at. We are so excited! It is a great summer! We have no idea how long the journey will be from here... it could be 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years before we are chosen. Now we will have to wait and TRUST that our God is Faithful and in control of everything. I am specifically praying that we will be excited through the whole process - no matter how long it takes. I hope we can remember He is sovereign and that His timing is perfect. I don't want the enemy to steal anything from us in this time. I want to have my strength renewed in the wait. The Word talks about being strengthened in times of waiting. That is what I want for our family. So, if you are praying for us, please pray that we will be faithful in prayer for our birth-mom and for our baby. It is so exciting to even imagine! I can't wait to see what the Lord does as far as distance between Jude and our new baby.
Jake and Ken are gearing up for a father-son trip to Colorado this year. Just the two of them. It will be so great! I am gearing up for a summer at the pool. It is so hot already and we are loving the pool - Jude included. He does great in the water, and sleeping in his stroller. Jake is turning 11, Maddy is turning 8, and in just a few days, Jared will be 6 years old. Jude is already 6 months... time is just flying. I can't wait to see what happens in the next year. I am sure it will be an exciting year indeed! Hopefully I will post again before December- ha!
I mean, this seems crazy to me! Jude is already 5 months old - the kids are almost out of school for the summer, and time just keeps on ticking away :) I am so excited to post that we are REALLY close to being finished filling out all of our paperwork for the adoption process! We should be able to get it turned in before June. What a journey we have ahead of us! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store. Summer is busy, but not too busy. We've cancelled a huge chunk of our plans, and that makes for an easier - more relaxed summer. I look forward to long days at the pool and a trip to SEA WORLD!!! YEAH!!!! I can't wait for my kids to see what that's like. I think they will love it. This was Jude's first attempt at a swimming pool - he didn't love it - but he will! Yeah for SUMMER!!! Yeah for time to stop setting the alarms and just relax a little.
So, I was just realizing how excited I am to fill out forms and put pictures together to make a Life Book for our adoption process. And I began to realize that everyone starts this process with excitement. Everyone. Then, somehow, as time goes on, the excitement fades into doubt and sadness and just a tiredness in the process. I was asking the Lord why this is the way it is, and I was asking Him to keep the excitement in my heart that I have now - even if this process takes years. So, as I prayed and contemplated the situation, He gave me a really simple thought. It was as if He simply said, because people quit believing that it is really going to happen. Then, He took my mind to vacation. You know, the summer vacation that you plan, or the spring break plan that you make. We are planning to go to California this summer and we are stoked!! (That is a Californian word for really excited!) As time goes on, even though it has been months since we made the plan, we get MORE excited because we KNOW that the time is closer now than it was before! It should be the same way with adoption. Because every month we wait, we are one month closer to having our baby! That is truth! But, the enemy comes in to steal from us and we let him! We give him our hope and our trust in the Lord's Sovereignty and we say, that's okay, I'll just become apathetic! NO WAY! I am begging the Lord to protect me from that. I don't want to make it appear easy - every act of war is just that - an act of war. There aren't toy guns and pretend arrows. It is really intense and you have to fight literally for your life. But, I am asking the Lord to help me fight for the CONSTANT excitement in this process. In my mind, 8 to 10 months seems like perfect timing - BUT MY TIMING ISN'T NECESSARILY THE LORD'S TIMING! So, I want to grow more and more excited as each month passes and not let the enemy take anything away from this beautiful and amazing process. Please pray for our family as we begin our journey. Pray that the Lord will get amazing glory from our journey through adoption! And, let me know if you want to see our Life Book! I can't wait until it is finished!
Galatians 4:5, "God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father".
Ken and I have just begun the process of adopting a precious baby into our family. There are many unknowns. There are many fears - most of which are unfounded. The Lord in all of His sovereignty already has a baby picked out for our family. He alone knows if this sweet one is even conceived, whether it is a boy, or girl. He alone knows what struggles the baby will have already had in this life. I want to have a heart of prayer for this baby’s biological mother (the birthmother, in adoptive language). I want people to realize that the stigma that is usually placed on women who give their babies a fresh start in life through the process of adoption is not accurate. They are depicted as uncaring, unfeeling, and even selfish. Selfishness looks like abortion. Selfishness looks like raising the baby in a crack house, or in the midst of prostitution. Selfishness is not letting someone else raise the baby that grew in your womb for 9 months. That is quite possibly one of the most selfless decisions a woman could make for her child. And it is not rational to think that any woman would have an easy time of delivering a baby only to place it in someone else’s arms. The nurturing instinct of a mother doesn’t just fade away after delivery. These sweet women have to grieve as if they have lost a child to miscarriage. Yes, ultimately they know that life awaits their baby. A good life, with someone that they have chosen. But, the child will grow up calling someone else Momma and Daddy. As we go through this process, I am praying that we will realize all of the ways that we can love this birthmother. Sometimes that might look like drawing near. And sometimes, that might look like backing away - and giving her room to breathe. This is just the start of an amazing journey. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead! The Lord is faithful. The Lord is loving. The Lord is a mighty God!
Ephesians 1:5, "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son."
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