Broken Vessels for God's Use ~ my labor of love.

Friends! 

Finally, it is ready.  If you would like to read my book - it is available for purchase at www.brokenvesselsforgod.com.  Just click on the picture of the book.  My amazing husband set that up for me.  :)

At some moments, I thought it would never be fully ready, but I think it is relatively safe to say - it is now!  Every time I pick it up and look at the cover, I am filled with thankfulness to my sweet Savior who allowed me the time to do it and who rescued me from circumstances that were dreadful!  I am hoping and praying this book will minister to people even half as much as it has already ministered to me.  It is a constant reminder to me that He is a God who not only gives us passions and dreams, but is also pleased to see them come to fruition.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He removed me from a difficult working situation where I was neglecting my family and missing out on the purposes He created me for so that I could do one of the things He has given me passion for. 
I have never been so sure that He has created us all for a purpose.  He has called us each to something of significance.  Even if it only appears significant in the eyes of God.  It isn't about how impopular the book is, or how popular it might become.  To me it is about an act of obedience in an area that was actually easy to obey - in fact the more I put my hand to it, the more my heart fell in love with Jesus.  It was about reveling in the beauty of my God who would allow me the time and opportunity to do what He had set in my heart.  The blessings have already been given - the time in His Word to write it and research.  The time learning the lessons that are within the pages of the book.  The amazing teachers I have had and friends I have made along the journey.  These are the things that matter.  Yet, if I hear that the book blesses somebody else, I may very well just go up to be with Jesus my heart might be so full! 

Anyway, I am thankful and I am blessed to be here in this moment, working a job that I love more than any job I have ever had.  Being a mommy to my children who are a blessing to me daily.  And continuing to learn that God intends good for me for all of my life - no matter how strongly the enemy comes against that.  I am so very thankful for this time.  I am so very thankful for my God who is always Faithful.

Time keeps on tickin', tickin' away!

What?  

We are 1/4 done with 2011?  

Are you serious?   

Does anyone else feel like that?  

I am going to be intentional about slowing my life down!  

I will let you know when I find the exact recipe... but I think it has something to do with saying "no" more frequently and turning off all electrical devices every now and then.  I know - that seems CRAZY!  But, I mean it.  Something has to give!  So here is something I wrote in January.  It was a bucket list of sorts.  Not that I think I am necessarily not going to make it to 2012, but it is a combination of short term goals (like a new years resolution) and a bucket list (things I want to do (continually) before I die).  Already I am astonished at how little progress I have made - probably because I didn't keep this list handy before, but I am going to be more aware of the things that I want to do - really want to do this year (and continually)... 

Most people I talk to had a pretty rough 2010.  Not entirely.  There were weddings, births, birthdays, and Anniversary’s.  There were graduations and happy events.  But, there were funerals - people so young, deaths so tragic...  There were layoffs,  divorces and bankruptcies and simply difficult times making ends meet.  

January 1^st seems to be a time of renewal - at least somewhat.  A new year doesn’t bring back those that we love who have passed on.  It doesn’t ease the pain of divorce, or other tragedies...  But, doesn’t it give us a new starting point?  I think it makes it easier to remember that yesterday is not all that there is.  Though, none of us know if we will have tomorrow or not, the thought of the future seems to be in the forefront of our minds.  Today we will make choices that next year at this time we will either be really happy about, or we will regret.   

In 2009,  I had the privilege of walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day.  That is an entirely different story, but that is where I saw this shirt, that has continued to leave an impression in my mind.  

Black shirt, white writing...

“Life is Choices.”  

Simply stated and yet terribly difficult to really grasp the vastness of those three words.  Every choice we make is going to determine, at least in part, the course of our lives from that point on.  I believe that (thankfully) we are not fully able to determine the course of our lives.  I believe that God is in control of the whole Universe - and He can take things I do that are destined for ruin and turn them into things that actually have worth.  I am not asking for a theological debate, but I think everyone would agree that some things in life just don’t make sense - and no one is fully in control of what happens in their lives.  We cannot stop someone we love from dying.  We cannot force our employer to keep us employed.  We cannot control many things in our day to day.  But, there are things that we can control- and that is what I really want to focus on.  

I determine how often I yell at my kids.

I determine how often I do something nice for someone, expecting NOTHING in return.

I determine how many times I hit the reset on the alarm - making it ever more difficult to get out of bed.

I determine how often I use my words to make someone feel better - and give them hope.

I determine how often I choose to see the worst in someone.  

I determine how often I choose to see the best in someone.  

I determine how many times a day I respond with kindness instead of irritation or anger.

These choices, these little choices determine many things about how my year will go.  It reminds me of “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  What a great picture of how the choices we make always affect other people.  Our choices almost NEVER just affect us.  Think of a few things...  And then try to think of something you do every day that doesn’t affect anyone else.   I mean it, take a minute to think it over.

Hard isn’t it? 

Even something as simple as tipping the pizza delivery guy, or not.  That choice affects other people.  Sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a positive way, and sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a negative way.  Hopefully we will learn from those times and press forward.

That is my number one resolution this year.  These are the things for my year’s “bucket list”.  I want to have a new Bucket List often - checking off many things just because I can - and it will help me to push for the things that are more difficult to attain.  

My 2011 Bucket List:

• I want to learn something every day.  I want to learn from my mistakes (and hopefully learn from others as well).  I want to learn how to affect my world in a gentler way, with kindness of speech and action.  
• I want to read a book a month (at least)
• I want to read a biography of someone with great faith (C.S. Lewis, or Hudson Taylor...)
• I want to determine not to think the worst of people - but to cut more slack and be kind no matter what.  
• I want to tell my husband something nice that I think of him every single day.
• I want my kids to see a mom who is in control of her temper - even when the buttons are all pushed at the same time.  
• I want to go to Colorado and sit under the stars out by the fire and sing a song.
• I want to write a letter to my dad and my grandmothers and tell them how much I love them.
• I want my husband to see a wife that is there for him - really there for him to hear him when he wants to talk - and when he doesn’t.  
• I want my family to see my love for them - unconditional and strong - regardless of the foolish decisions they might make.  
• I want to buy something really great - and then give it away to someone who needs it more.
• I want to read my Bible every single day - not because I am expected to, but because I love the Lord and want to know more about Him.
• I want to go to Kansas City to the International House of Prayer.
• I want to go to an old Bed and Breakfast and sit on the porch early in the morning and read...
• I want to bless someone through worship (singing) of my Savior.
• I want to drive way too far - to stay way too short - to hug a friend and tell her she’s great.
• I want to repair an old relationship and resolve to love better this time around.
• And most importantly, I want to bless the Lord with all that is in me...  

I want to lose weight and eat better and exercise too - but I have found that those aren’t the most important things...

Whatever your list, your resolutions, your hopes for this year - I pray a blessing for you and your family.  Thanks for reading mine.

Is it just me?

  







It has been so interesting to me lately to listen to what is being talked about...

It sounds like the end times. Wars. Rumors of wars. Hurricanes. Earthquakes. Pestilence. Disease. The earth is shaking and trembling under God's mighty hand. How much more can the earth take? How much more can the human race take?
I joke about being the lady with the cardboard sign at the top of my street - reading : REPENT, THE END IS NEAR. But, I mean it. Jesus IS coming back for us. What if these are the last days - not like, a thousand years is a day, or verbiage like that, but really... what if Jesus came back this Easter? (Please do not think I am attempting to actually guess when He is coming. Scripture is clear - even the Son does not know the time - only the Father...) but I just want you to think with me a minute. What would you do differently with your time? What would you make a priority and what would you chunk from your life altogether?

I had a strange dream the other night. I am not usually given to dreams that make any sense. This one was weird in the fact that it made sense, but it wasn't what I FEEL like would happen - it isn't what I THINK I would have chosen.
My house (in the dream) was on fire. I had gotten the children out. But, only a small distance away. And then, I WENT BACK IN. WHAT??? Yes, I went in for the photo albums and maybe a pillow my mom made and just random things... really random. I don't really remember them all. But, I remember thinking - even in my dream... what am I doing? Are my kids coming in after me? Are they safe? Why am I putting myself back in danger for these things that will all be burned up on "that day" anyway?
I can't get the scripture out of my mind "since the world will be destroyed in this way... what kind of lives should you lead?" (2 Peter 3:10-12) I just looked it up - because the words have just repeated in my head a thousand times over the last two days. Wow. He is coming for us!!! Get out your Bible right now and read it!
It talks about everything being burned up. Everything that is not eternal will be gone... and yet, how much time are we investing in the things that are not at all eternal?
I have been begging God to use me in the way that He created me. I want Him to help me reach my promised land on earth. I believe the psalmist got it right when he said, "surely I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living..." (Psalm 27). Yes, I believe the Lord created me for a purpose and my whole being is ACHING to be used in whatever way that is. I know what it is to long to be clothed with the eternal. All of creation longs to be clothed with eternity (Romans 8). I want to re-read "The Weight of Glory" by C.S. Lewis. I just remember being in awe of God and His plan - and stunned that He has given us glory, but MOVED to try and operate from that place, rather than the place the enemy tries to keep me.
Maybe my dream was a vivid picture for me of the futility of the "dailies". I have my kids just out of harms way (hopefully) while I keep my arms busy trying to maintain a house that is on fire. I always kind-of figured myself for a "let it burn" kind of girl. Get the kids out, cry a few minutes about the special things that are gone, and then, just sit in thankfulness that the important stuff was saved. Maybe it is not just about my house, but my spiritual house... what if I am feeding the desires of my flesh just a little too much - which is storing up treasures in a house that is going to burn to the ground. I don't know. But, I don't want to live like that. If He comes back this Easter, or 1000 decades from now, I know that I want every single day for the rest of my life to matter. I want to invest my whole life in the things that have eternal value. I want to find my friend Jennifer - tattoo's, piercing's and all - and just hug her or shake her until she comes to see her need for Jesus and the reality of Hell. I want to take Candice (our birth-mom) aside and tell her how much the King of Glory loves her - and find out for sure what she has done with Jesus Christ. I want to wake people from their sleep - and tell them - He is coming... He is coming.
The Lord Almighty - the King of Kings... the Alpha and Omega - the One who is and who is to come.... He. is. coming.

"Since it will all be destroyed... What kind of lives should you lead?"

Escaping through the flames... or believing in His promises?

My heart is so heavy tonight.

You know, I think I know stuff...

And then, I realize... Well, I just don’t.

God created us so differently from one another. It would be easy to get caught up comparing ourselves to other people. To some, we may seem like super-saints - and then to others it would seem we are far dimmer - so much further from Truth. The truth of it all is that God created us each for a purpose. And each of us will either serve that purpose and have rewards that don’t catch fire, or we will have regrets and stand before our precious Jesus - saved, but smelling like the smoke from the fire that consumed our worthless deeds.

That is a little heavy.

I prayed to know what it meant to love the Lord with all of my heart - above any earthly thing. And He was kind to me and honored my request. It was so painful to learn. It was so hard to recognize His hand as it granted that which I asked of Him. It was the most painful time in my life. But, it has yielded the most precious thing in my life.

I do not fear the Lord. (I hope you didn’t gasp as you read that... Or maybe I hope you did?)

I do not know what it is to fear Him. I know bits about loving Him. I pray that I honor Him with my life. But, I do not fear Him as I should. I do not work out my salvation in fear and trembling. I do not consider His majesty in a way that makes me shudder.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that I should walk around cowering before Him as if He were at any moment to strike me dead. And I am also not saying that I don’t recognize His power as thunder sounds, while rain pours down and lightning strikes & lights up the sky. But, lately I have been wondering what I would wish I would have done differently when I stand there - in His presence, holding the ashes from the things that were burned up... I want to pray to fear the Lord... And yet, from experience, it scares me to death to even say that. He answers prayers. He especially answers the prayers that are in line with His Word. So, maybe I have a little fear of the Lord. I fear Him enough to realize that He has all of the Universe at His disposal, and to learn to love Him was so painful - but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. So, what will become of me if I ask to know what it is to fear Him? Only He knows. I deserve to be struck dead - in an instant. Not because I have done “horrible” things by our earthly standards necessarily. But, because compared to His holiness, the works in my life are a pile of dirty rags. Filthy, dirty rags.

I find myself asking the question over and over - “what are you doing?” What is it that He desires for my life? What is it that will fulfill the calling He already has on my life? His gifts and His call are irrevocable. He created me for a purpose. That purpose is to bring Him glory. In what way will He ask me to bring Him glory? Will I be like Esau and sell my inheritance? And for what? Oh, I pray not. I pray that I will not sell, or waste my inheritance. I pray that my works will not be burned up in the fire. I pray that God will make clear the path for me, and I pray that I will step out in faith and reach for that which He has placed right in front of me. I pray that I will live in the abundance that is Christ. My life is hidden with Christ in God. It is no longer my life to live... Oh that I would live and love with that as my reality.

I am scared (and rightly so, I think) to ask God to teach me to fear Him. But, I have never found Him unloving. I have never found Him as hasty, or quick tempered. In fact, I have known that He is slow to anger and abounding in love. I have known that He has a plan for me, and I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. I want to fear the Lord in a healthy, good way. I want to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I want to live a holy life in order to speed the day of His coming. I want to bring honor to Him with every breath. I want to see His Word alive and moving in my life. His glory is all that matters. His Name is the One at which every knee will bow - on earth and under the earth... And every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Father, help me to make Him Lord over everything now, so that I won’t stand before you with tears running down my ash-laden face as I realize I lived for nothing... And my works were in vain.