Holy Ground... or a stumbling block?

I know it is shocking... but I LOVE to worship Jesus through song.

Love it.

Some Sundays, I kick off my shoes to worship in the sanctuary.  I do it at my seat, or on the stage, wherever I am.  Sometimes I need to be reminded that where I am standing is Holy ground.  Sometimes I need to remember that worship is not at all about me, or my voice, or how much I love to sing.  So, sometimes, my shoes must leave my feet and I use that "symbol" to remind me that I am on Holy ground.  I am in the presence of the Almighty God.   

To me, Worship is about remembering that God is worthy of the whole mess of our lives.  He is worth risking everything - even losing everything if He can gain glory in the midst of it all.  He is worthy.  Worship serves as a reminder to me, and it is an offering to Him.  Worship is not about the posture of my body, but the posture of my heart.  It isn't about the position of my hands, but rather the position of my spirit.  


Rarely am I offended.  I will be honest here.  I used to be offended all the time.  I wore my heart on my sleeve and was easily hurt by the words and actions of others.  My pastor loved me enough to tell me that the reason I was like that was because I was full of PRIDE.  He was right.  I was so concerned with myself - and thought everyone else should be too.  I had to spend some time evaluating how my hurt feelings made me prideful - but in a backwards way - it is just a reality.  Anyway, since that time, I have practiced the art of capturing my thoughts.  And I have determined, there just really isn't much to get offended about.  No one has to like me.  No one has to go out of their way for me.  God through Jesus has already proven to me that I am loved, and I have been sacrificed for.  The ultimate gift, the ultimate love already resides with me - through Jesus - and that is more than sufficient for me.  So, why waste energy and time giving power to other people (in my mind) that they shouldn't hold over me?   I know this is a long train of thought, but stick with me here...


I was offended on Sunday.  But, it has served a great purpose.  


Someone went to the sound crew after the first service and asked them to tell the worship leader to ask me to put my shoes on during worship.  Now, granted, I was on the stage, so it would have been noticeable to more people that I wasn't wearing shoes - it wasn't that my feet stunk (I hope)...  but something deep inside of me burned - red hot.  At first, I really was pretty sure it was a righteous anger - and some of it might have been.  Here is the thought process...


"How dare you!  How dare you stand and tell someone how they should position themselves before the Lord?  How dare you not come to me directly?  How dare you stand in this worship center and be focused on anything other than God... seriously, whether or not I wear shoes affects your worship experience?  Why are you here if you are going to focus on something besides God?"  

Then, I reasoned with myself - "become all things to all men.. to the Jews a Jew, to the Greeks a Greek..."  and I had this prideful thought, "He didn't say, 'to the Pharisees a Pharisee'"... or did He not mean that when He said all thing to all men?  

Oh, wait.


Yep, there it was.  My flesh - all out there to deal with.  It was brought to my attention right before the second service, so it was after I had already offended this person with the absence of my shoes,  but, right before it was time to honor my King through song.  And I was groping for Truth.  I was flailing around in my mind trying to come around to right thinking - and being mad that my worship was being invaded by someone else's opinions.  


Don't get me wrong, I had already put my shoes on for second service.  Praise the Lord, He reminded me of this - "submit therefore to one another out of reverence for Christ."  It is all about revering Christ, so those shoes were going on my feet.  I literally didn't want my shoes to make someone else stumble.  But, I am still so uncertain of the correct way to approach this.  I have had a jumbled up mixture of these thoughts:


*  I am only in worship to worship the Almighty God - He alone determines my response in worship.
*  I am to submit to fellow believers out of reverence for Christ.
*  I will worship as I am lead by the Spirit 
*  I will consider others better than myself
*  I will not let any person tell me how I should worship
*  I will become all things to all men so that some might be saved.


So, how far do you take that?  On either end?  I love to raise my arms in worship, but if I know it is causing others to stumble do I not do it?  I believe Paul would say, "By no means!"  Authentic worship draws people to Jesus.  It is not about showmanship.  It is not about pretense, or posture.  It is about a relationship that elicits a response.  Some days, that means I dance around a little, some days that means I raise my hands, sometimes it means I get on my face, and sometimes it means I don't sing at all.   

But, dare I take my shoes off again in worship?  I don't know why the person was offended - or mentioned this.  Maybe they thought that I was irreverent for not wearing shoes.  Maybe, it was offensive to them because it seemed dishonoring to God.  I don't know.  For heaven's sake, I wish they would have come and talked to me.  But, here are some things I have gleaned from this...


* Maybe sometimes when I took my shoes off it was more of a symbol and less of an attitude in my heart. That is something to work out in my mind for sure.  
* Maybe sometimes - in my own pew - I will kick off my shoes after all.
* Maybe sometimes it is okay to adjust my posture to show my affections to Christ through submission to another brother or sister in the body.
* Maybe sometimes I will worship without considering anyone but the Almighty God and my affections for Him.
* Maybe it is time to address this idea of Worship in a corporate setting.  Maybe our focus needs some refocusing.  
* Maybe, in the long run, I am better off because I had to wrestle - right there on the stage (and much at home as well) - with this offense.  
* Maybe, in the long run, it doesn't really matter where my shoes are as long as my motive is pure.
* God knows the thoughts before we have them, the needs before we say them, and the deeds before we do them.  He alone can judge the hearts of men.
* What is your motive in worship?  Is it to sing on cue, on pitch, and "look the part" - or is it to simply be in awe of the One who made all the heavenly hosts?  Is it to tell God that He is ever faithful and good and right and trustworthy?  
* On a day to day basis, worship might just be spelled M-O-T-I-V-E


Jesus, help us to worship you in Spirit and in Truth.  Help us to be mindful of your sacrifice - and just what that should mean to us in every activity we undertake.  Come, Lord Jesus and rescue us from these decaying bodies!  Thank you that your love is perfect, and it is enough.  Thank you that one day we will not be constantly pulled towards sin and the flesh.  Thank you that you loved me even as I wrestled on the stage - even when I made something that is always about you - about me.  Thank you for your never ending, all sustaining grace.  You are good.

Abba Father

The last several days have been a bit of a whirlwind.

It is an interesting thing to recognize the Mighty hand of God and try to explain that to a person that is not a believer. As a believer, you are prepared with words like Sovereign and Omnipotent. But, to an unbeliever - those might sound like ingredients that you wouldn’t want in your food. I’m not sure... But it has been an interesting last week.

I have been praying - and I am pretty sure sharing - how much I want God to use me exactly how He wants me. I feel so strongly that time on earth is short. Shorter every single day for each of us. And yet, we go through life doing things and making decisions like this is all there is.

Well, it isn’t. There is much more.

God stepped into my life last Monday in a way I have asked Him to for years. I have sung so many worship songs that invite Him to use me, mold me, shape me... That beg Him to consume me, and deliver me. I have surrendered all - adored His beauty and sung of His ability to save people and move mountains.

He is doing it. He is taking all of my pride - all of my desires for the approval of man and He is tossing them into the trash pile to be burned up. He is delivering me from a life that is too busy, too... Well, too little for His plan. He is beckoning for me to come higher - and dive deeper all in the same breath. He is whispering “trust me, trust me” and I am crazy enough to do it. He is reminding me that I am His daughter - His adopted daughter - in whom He delights. He has intervened in a way that screams to me that He loves me too much to see me live outside of His abundance. Wow. What a God. What a personal God who sees every detail, and what an amazing God that He can command the rain to fall or stop. By His word all things were created, and by His word all things would cease. Staggering.

I have no idea where we are going on this journey. It is a bit like walking in the woods at night with a tiny flashlight. There is just enough light to not be consumed by the darkness, and yet, I have full confidence that I will not strike my foot - or trip and fall. He is not shouting directions at me. He is not opening wide the doors and saying “it’s this one!” But, I believe with all of my heart that He will say, “This is the way, walk in it”. I believe with all of my heart that He will not let me strike my foot on a stone, or turn to the left or the right. He will guide me continually giving me water when I am thirsty. He will hide me in the shadow of His wings and He will hold me by the hand.

Like a little girl in the arms of her great big Daddy, I am hanging on - clinging with my arms around His neck - knowing that He knows the way and He will keep me safe.

He is more beautiful to me today than ever before. May He receive all the glory and honor and praise.

"Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 This morning my heart aches for some of the things that I feel like the Lord has put deep in my heart. Being that I am human and finite in wisdom, I am sad. I see circumstances that seem to shout that certain dreams in my heart will never come to pass. I doubt which things are really put in there by the Lord and which are the plans of my heart. All of it I hold in my open hands, above my head... asking for God to pluck out those things that are my purposes, my plans. And those that are His, I am asking for Him to grant me belief. It is scary to share the many things in my heart here. Though, I know that not many read this.. and those that do for the most part love me and want good things for me... It is hard to be so vulnerable as to say that my heart longs to sing. I want to sing His praises. It is a strange thing how I have missed this. It is hard to explain... but all the same my heart aches. I am not sure that I am even making sense... but I know that there is a plan deep in my heart to honor my King through worship... now if I can just figure out if it is my plan - or His purpose... I know that in this time He purposes that I would worship Him in the ways that I can. I don't just think of worship as singing corporately, or leading worship... and yet, this is the stuff that I long for... sitting with a small handful of people whose hearts are set on seeking this King... this Creator... and lifting our voices and hearts in worship of Him who is so WORTHY! I am aching for this worship. And in the meantime, I know that He hears my heart singing to Him even now as I listen to "The more I seek you"... He hears me when I can't sing out loud... and yet I cry longing to sing out loud - from the rooftops even, of His faithfulness.... "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless, O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you." Yes and Amen.

My trip to Kansas City...

So, the question of the hour seems to be “How was your trip?”

If only I had words to describe just how it was. It was beautiful. It was devastating. It was full of affirmation and hope… it was full of pain and disappointment. My heart was stirred to know Jesus in such a deeper way. My heart is ruined for this earth. I cannot enjoy the things that I used to without aching for the “more” that I know is there. I had forgotten that I was His beloved again. I knew it with all of my head, but I felt it with none of my heart. For years – literally- all I have known is what is already in my mind – truth about the Lord. I lost the “feeling” of worship many years ago. I have a quiet peace with it now. Thought it ruined me in the beginning. When I stand in worship – there is no feeling of the presence of the Lord. When I pray on my face before the Lord, there is no feeling of His presence. I KNOW He is there. It is not a question. He is with me always, every moment. I used to say my heart feels dead - broken. It does. Things that I think should make me cry – don’t. And things that never broke my heart before do. But, the greatest thing – the biggest truth is that God’s Word is true. He will never leave me, He will never abandon me. He is with me in every place, through every season. Whether I feel it or not. God does not lie.
I saw men and women (young and quite old – American, Asian, Indian…) worshipping before the Lord with all of their might. I thought of David. I thought of Michal. My heart aches for those I know who have worshipped like that and are now sidelined by the enemy. I grieved… and I grieved. My heart aches for those who have never known worship like that…unashamed – really. I know the image of that 50-something, 4 foot 11 tall Asian man jumping before the Lord in worship will never leave my mind. It brought rivers of tears from my eyes. Do we not think that we will dance before the Lord in Heaven? Why do we run from His love? Why do we not embrace how He pursues us? His heart grieves over those who refuse to understand the depth of His heart toward them. For those who continue in their own way – even without direction from His voice, because of their desires to please men. Don’t they know that was the way of King Saul?
I was devastated to look at all of the ways I pursue my own interests when He is only interested in how well I am loving Him, and as a result, loving others. I am realizing how much – though I know it isn’t true in my mind – I still feel like I have to work to gain His favor. I am learning to rest in Him again. To rest in His perfect love of my imperfect love. It is sweet.
My heart was grieved to realize how many blessings and promises we are missing out on because we have placed our magnificent God in a box. A box labeled “RELIGION”. A box for the Pharisees who cannot grasp that there is no way to gain the favor of a holy God. Even the most well meaning of us have become Pharisees to some degree. We have taken hold of the lesser and are blindly groping for abundance. It doesn’t fit in the box. Abundance beckons us to come outside the box.
I may be talking like I am out of my mind. I am really. I am slipping into a place of security in my Savior that I have missed for a long time. I am resting as He confirms things to my heart. I am listening as He speaks in the smallest whisper. He is talking to me again. He was only quiet to test my heart. In my mind, I didn’t pass… praise God that in His – I did. He sees my heart – and that is what is important to Him… my heart. Like David, He is seeking after the inside of me, not the outside of me. Praise Him that He looks at the inward appearance, and not the outward like man does. Oh, if we could just get a hold of that for real!
I am coming out of the desert… like the Shulamite in Song of Solomon whose friends said, “Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover?” Yes, Jesus… I am leaning on you, and it is sweetness. So, that is how my trip was. There are many more things. My precious baby literally said, “Abba.” My heart lept. He was sleeping, soundly, and there was a cry from the pulpit, “Who of you will be a forerunner for this generation?” and I kid you not, his baby arm went flying into the air. The cry came a second time, and a second time his arms (both of them this time) went flying into the air. Would you believe me if I told you it happened more than twice. It doesn’t matter if you do or not, it is true. I know he was born to worship Jesus in a time of trial and devastation. He will lead men to worship before the Lord unashamedly. I am certain of this in my heart.
I prayed for my children like never before and understood my role to prepare them for the times that are coming. Do not get me wrong, no one knows when the “end times” will begin. The judgements of God, and the rage of Satan. But, I know that we are to prepare them for it as if it will happen in their time. So that they can prepare their children – who if it is that far away can pass it on to the next generation. It is time to fear the Lord. It is time to recognize Him as a God who will bring Justice to the earth… and He will bring His judgments. Do we not remember the plagues? Do we think that He is less powerful now than He was then? I submit to you that He isn’t. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My God is the Almighty God.
There is much more, but I am afraid that I will run out of room to write! Praise God for the trip. Praise God from whom all blessings flow… Praise Him all creatures here below… Oh He is an amazing God! Praise God that my alabaster box is enough! Let the fragrance arise!

The one post for April :0)

So, I am standing in church today and I sense an awkwardness as I lift my hands and worship. Have you ever been there... the people around you being so uncomfortable with your hands in the air (as if in some way it is an affront to them personally)... I don't mean to be insensitive, but all I could hear in my mind were Christ's words in Luke 9:26, "If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels." Over and over this verse played in my mind until I had to look it up to see EXACTLY what it said.

I want to be compassionate. I want to meet people where they are at, but if that means to restrain the love I have in my heart for Jesus so as not to offend them, then I think I am off track. Paul did say that we don't need to offend people because the cross itself is the offense... but isn't authentic worship what draws people in? Don't people want to see authenticity? Or if they don't - isn't that what they need anyway? I just stood - hands lifted, voice raised and mind in prayer... Oh Jesus if they don't know you, let them drop religion for a relationship, vibrant and holy. And oh, Father, if they do know you will you put this verse in their minds? Will you teach them with your Holy Spirit that it is not okay to be ashamed of you and your message, and your people. Maybe it is pride. I want the Lord to examine my heart in this. But, I can't help but think that it is time I became radical again... that I fall back in love with my first Love. Oh my heart is excited at the thought. It is as if the myrhh is dripping off the door knob again for the first time in a long time and my heart is awakened though I still feel asleep. (Song of Solomon...)

Then I begin reading a book that was at church today, it is called The Road to Reality by K.P. Yohannan. This is in the Preface of the book... "We've been taught to serve up a watered-down gospel for so long that the real Gospel has become an embarrasment. However, half a truth is no truth at all. Obedience must always be a vital part of our response to His love and grace."

There it was again... embarrassed... over the gospel, the good news... I don't understand. A HALF TRUTH IS NO TRUTH AT ALL! That's exactly it. I want to worship in Spirit and Truth. Did Jesus not sacrifice enough for me to raise my hands up to Him in adoration? Did He not love me enough to put Himself in uncomfortable positions? I don't know. I just think I've had it. I think I must be true to the One who has been so True to me. Sorry if that makes you a bit uncomfortable. It is time that we pray for those who say they love Him and yet, they are so worried about how THEY feel in worship that they don't stop to wonder how He feels at their embarrassment of Him. It is time to be serious about what we are serious about, and stop playing the "I really am in love with Jesus game." If you are in love no one has to guess with who.

Just because I want to make sure that I am balanced with the Word, I am going to look it up right now. What exactly does Paul say about offending folks... hang in there with me while I look this up....

Well, this is what I've found so far, but I am not through yet. I know this wasn't written by Paul, so I am still looking, but I am truly intrigued now. Matthew 15:11-13 says this, "What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.' Then the disciples came to him and asked, "Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?" He replied, "Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots." I think that speaks pretty clearly. It is good that he makes the distinction that it is the Pharisees that are upset by this. He lets them know quickly that their offense makes it clear that they are not planted by the Father - therefore, they will be pulled up by their roots". Now for the verse I was looking for originally...

1 Corinthians 10:28-32 is the context for which I am saying that Paul pleads with us not to make men stumble. He says, "28But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience' sake - the other man's conscience, I mean, not yours. For why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience? If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for? So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." So there it is... don't cause anyone to stumble, saved or not... Now for true context. That doesn't mean don't offend people. It says, whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. If my motive was to offend people, because I am just that much more spiritual than they, then I am dead wrong... it is my glory at stake and it is my pride that leads me there. But, today, in my heart, as best I know, I wanted the Lord to be glorified, and I wanted people to come to know Him. I wanted people to quit worrying about my hands lifted up towards Heaven, and worry about themselves, and their salvation. I wanted to tell the Lord that I adore Him... more than I adore anyone here in this world.

Praise His Holy Name!

Today our precious Jared accepted Christ! Please join with me and the angels to sing praise to our sweet God who has adopted Jared as a son! YEAH GOD! Tonight in church, with no prompting by anyone other than the Holy Spirit, my precious son lifted his arms in worship. Oh it was precious indeed! Not only did he not just do what he saw me doing - I hadn't even raised my arms yet, and he leaned over and asked me why I hadn't! Oh thank you Jesus that once we are yours, no matter how old or young, we can hear your voice! What a sweet memory for me to always treasure in my heart. There is no greater thing than to realize that your child wants to love Jesus and praise Him. When I asked him why he wanted to ask Jesus in his heart, his first response was, "because I want to praise Him!" Oh wow!

Yes, Jesus, that we would want you in our lives, not just for direction, or clarity, or for what we get out of it, but just simply because we want to praise you! Let us praise you with childlike faith! Help us to love you with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. Teach us what that even means in our lives. There is so much to be thankful for. Help us to know you in ways that we can't even imagine right now. Help us to praise you in all things. Help us to know how to recognize all that we have to be thankful for!

So, my heart is rejoicing and I cannot stop thinking of things to be thankful for. What a sweet God we serve. He knows what we need before we even ask Him. That is so amazing, and so true. He even knows our wants and sometimes provides for those as well. What a good and giving God we serve! I really think I am the most blessed woman in the whole world! Truly, what more could I want. Truly I live in a place of abundance! Thank you my sweet God.