Coffee at 8:30 pm... what do you mean I can't sleep?

Tonight I have a grateful heart.  A very grateful heart.

I am so thankful for the newness of this season of our lives.  It is seeming to creep in, much like fall in Texas.  :)  One day the heat is so unbearable... and you feel you will never find relief... and then the next day, it drops 20 degrees, there is a cool breeze blowing and you think to yourself, "I could get used to this."  Two days later we are wondering if we dreamed the cool breeze, and the temperatures in the car rise to unbearable levels,  but it gave us a taste... and hope that one day in the next few weeks we might taste that cooler weather and enjoy being outside again.

That really is such a perfect picture of life right now for us.  Tonight... there is a cool breeze in my weary heart and I keep thinking, "I could get used to this."  I got to meet some of the most precious ladies in College Station.  I love to "do life" with people.  I loved the time I got to share with them.  It is a bit like Ezekiel and the dry bones.   I feel the breath of Life traveling through this pile of bones.  I feel God stirring in ways that I have missed deeply.  And I am thankful.  Thankful that for today, in my life, the season of cool breezes came and gave me a visit.  Thankful that the God of bigger dreams than I can imagine let me taste His goodness and see the Truth with my own eyes that He has good plans for me - and my precious family. 

I am ready for a full blown change of season.  In fact, I am thanking God right now that He will do that.  It is time for a new thing.  It is time for relief.  But, if my timing is not my God's timing... well, it is easy to figure out who got it wrong!  His thoughts are higher than my own, and His ways, so very different.  But, He is good and all He does is good. 

What a beautiful God.  What a treasure of a night.  Now, to fall asleep thanking God for each one of my new friends.   That sounds very sweet to me. 

A downward spiral with an upward perspective...

Today was a hard day.

My feelings were hurt.  My family was hurt.  But, that was, something... surmountable.  Something I have grown a little used to, and something that quite frankly stems from selfishness in some ways.

But, then, after my heart was sufficiently wounded for one day- the enemy decided to take one more punch at my weary flesh.  It stung.  It stung with the sting of death.  The feel of utter defeat. I felt like I was being devoured in one savory bite by that fierce lion that prowls for me night after night.

The news was this:  the business bank account was drained - everything was taken.  Not one penny left.

Payroll just went out - and the checks will not clear.  Not because we didn't have the money in there.  But because someone else decided they had more right to it than we do.

We have received so much help from people who love us.  We have been in awe of God each week as we watch Him provide for us in ways far too creative for us to think of.  This month has been the hardest of them all from a faith-less perspective.  We are hard pressed on every side.  People calling day and night...  everyone wanting what it is that we don't have to give.  And then, twice in three months, we have gone online to check the account and found a completely empty bank account.  An account that, prior to the money being taken - sat at its prime position in the month to pay mortgages and leases, and bills.  Indeed it was ripe for the picking.  In three months $5,000.00 has been taken from us without our consent.

It is not that we are pretending we don't owe people money - believe me we do.  It is simply that right now, because we are waiting on things to sell and a job offer to come through - we don't have anything extra to give.  We are being threatened by creditors as if we are holding out something we have- and the part that is just super draining is that we just. don't.  We just don't have anything extra.  It is by God's grace alone, through the hands of His people that we have had the things that we need.  But, some people apparently have the power to take from you when you literally don't have enough to make ends meet as it is.  It was a deep wound.  I will be honest.  I sat on the floor in my bathroom and sobbed big ugly tears.  I cried out loud - and I told Jesus that I am broken hearted.  He promises to be near to those whose hearts are broken.  His promises are true.  Always and forever, His promises are true.

I cried for so long and so deeply, that I curled up and got comfortable.  It is days like today that make me miss my mom in the fiercest of ways.  I know well what she would have done.  She would have brushed my hair.  She would have sat and brushed it for as long as she could manage - assuring me that it would all be okay.  And coming from her, I would have believed it.  I do believe it.  God's Word is Truth - even when I sit and rock myself, crying that this stress, this pressure must come to an end at some point...
Pieces of truth swirl in my mind.  His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  I am not carrying the right burden.  His Word is Truth.  He is for me - He is always for me.  His love knows no boundaries and He will never fail me.

We just get the wrong idea sometimes.  We believe that the hard things in life make us stronger, when the whole point is that they are supposed to make us more clearly understand our weakness.  It is in our weakness that He can prove His strength.  Praise Him that He can show Himself in a mighty way in our lives.  He can, and I believe with all of my heart - He will and indeed He already is.   I have never felt so weak, so completely inept to even handle what I have on my plate for this very minute.  I hear the growl of that lion, and my heart melts with fear.  All the while, I am sheltered in the shadow of wings - wings of a Mighty Warrior - and One who will not let me slip from His strong grip.  So, to that prowling devil of a lion, I say this, "though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet I believe that His unfailing love for me will not be shaken - nor will His covenant of peace be removed - and this because my Lord has compassion on me!" (Isaiah 54:4)
We may be hard pressed on every side.  And, I surely cannot tell you what will come of things this next month... but these things I hold dear to my heart:
1.  Our God will never leave or forsake us.
2.  Perfect love casts out all fear.
3.  He (God) is good and everything He does is good.
4.  Nothing can separate us from His love.
5.  His plans for us are good.
6.  The enemy will not, and can not win, for the victory was already won on the cross.
7.  Christ is stronger.   He has saved us.  Christ is risen.  Jesus is Lord of all!

Pray for us, please.  But, thank God with us that He already knows the answer to our deepest need.  We need not utter them, for He knows the words before they come out of our mouths.  Pray that He will meet our deepest needs.  Pray that He will show Himself mighty in our lives.  

Gratitude...

Then the King will say to those on His right, “Come to me, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”  Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thrirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and cloth you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’  The King will reply, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

There is no way to express how thankful I am to my God this morning.

I love the body of Christ.  I love the people God has called together to be brothers and sisters in order to honor His name.

Friends and family have come together to bless our family with school supplies... A clarinet, clothes to fit Jake for athletics.  Others have said they would like to help buy some of the things that were not given, and give some more of the clothes that will be necessary for them this year.  A friend dropped off some school supplies on my porch this morning.  I don’t have words for the gratitude in my heart.  Of course, gratitude for these precious people.  But, also - and more so, to the God of the universe that brought us together as a family and knows every need we have before we even ask it.  That is the God I serve.  The God that is not bound by anything - but is over all things and so loving to His children.  I know He will reward the precious people who “did for the least of these...”

God is providing everything we need through the hands of His precious children.  I am in awe of His beauty this morning.

Isaiah 54:10, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”

I cannot wait to see the way He will meet every one of our needs.  I look forward to watching Him be who He loves to be.

Maranatha (Oh Lord come!)

In Need...

There was a song we used to sing in worship called "In Need" - I believe it was written by Ross King.  It said, "in need of grace, in need of love, in need of mercy reigning down from high above.  In need of strength, in need of peace, in need of things that only you can give to me.  In need of Christ, the perfect lamb, my refuge strong, the great I Am.  This is my song, my humble plea, I am your child, I am in need."  It makes me sob buckets right now.  It is perfectly beautiful to describe how we are every day - even when we don't realize it.

I do not like to ask for help (usually because of PRIDE).

The Bible tells me PRIDE is not okay.

I believe the Bible is 100% correct - and that brings me to the point.

For my friends who like lists and not words...  Scroll down and you will find the list of practical needs.  :)  For my other friends who don’t mind all my words... Here ya go!

Life has not been a bowl of cherries for us over the last 6 months.  There have been some really difficult things.  These things have tested my ability to rest in Jesus while seemingly everything around me swirled into oblivion.  But, I DID (and still do!) trust Jesus - and He has come through.  He has never let us down.  Each month, we have sat literally stunned by how He took care of things.  It has been so cool (and yet, so hard) to watch him teach us what trusting Him for  our daily bread really looks like.

That is the second reason I have hesitated to “post” any of these requests.  I know that God can meet every need we have.  I believe that with my whole heart.  But, if I don’t let people know our needs - well - but, there is still the Holy Spirit...  See my dilemma?  Am I taking things into my own hands by asking, is that some lack of faith that God will provide?  I don’t think so.  I think, for now, He has laid it on my heart to share our needs and watch Him take care of things.  But, I have to be honest, there is a voice in my head that tells me I lack faith and I am trusting in myself and not my God to provide.  - Go away stupid voice.  I love Jesus and I am confident He will accomplish more than I can even imagine.

With that said, there are some practical things that we really need and if someone else has them and doesn’t need them, we would be blessed.  However, I do not want anyone to give under compulsion - as I can assure you God will provide.  He promises He will meet every need we have, and He is FAITHFUL!

*  size L mens maroon athletic shorts - yes I am an Aggie, but it is really because that is the color the school insists he has. He probably needs two pair - one to wear while the other one is washing.
*  Assorted notebooks and spirals (one black binder for Maddy’s band) and spirals of any color for all three of the kiddos.
* A clarinet.  Used is fantastic - I just don’t know where to begin to find her an instrument and she really wants to be in band. There are many things that are needed for this (reeds and cleaning cloths and such).

I have to stop for a minute and tell you right now tears are rolling down my cheeks.  This is so hard to do.  Yes, pride... Yes, because it is hard to literally not be able to give my kids the things that they need for school...  Yes, because I would so much prefer to be on the other end of this email - searching for ways that we could help.  It is so not fun to feel unable to help someone else.  Probably one of the hardest parts of it all...  Ugh.  So. Not. Fun.

* a lawnmower (or someone who is good with stuff like that who could come fix ours that is broken)

* shorts for Maddy for athletics (also maroon I think)  size S/M - women’s.  She is about a women’s size 3 or 4.  I don’t know what they call that for athletic shorts.

* Other school supplies (like pencils and specific notebooks that I haven’t even found out about yet).

I want you to know from the deepest place in my heart that I am more thankful for your prayers than I can say.  I know what it is not to be able to help someone with a list -so if that is where you are - know that praying for us will do far more - and go much further than you could ever imagine.  So, from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you for every one who reads this - and even just for that moment - prays for our family.  God will provide and I can’t wait to share how He did it with you.

Much love,
~Christy
 

A call to repentence - the need for a response

I was privileged to get to go with a few beautiful friends of mine to Reliant Stadium this past Saturday.  I believe that I was there for an 'event' that is sure to change the course of history.
There was no political mumbo jumbo.
It was made quite clear - repeatedly, that no person was to receive glory that day.
The clapping and praising and crying out was to but One man - this God-man who is called Jesus.

Indeed, we stood to our feet when Dr. James (and Shirley) Dobson came out.  It was a moment I'll not forget.  It was beautiful to see with my eyes these precious souls who have poured out their lives for the One that matters.  It was not that we desired to give them praise, but an overwhelming feeling of thanks was rising in my heart to the One who predestined them to be captured in their hearts by Jesus.

There was no fear in uttering the name of Jesus.  Of course, we were crying out to God, but we were lifting high the Name above all names.  It was beautiful.  We also sang "America".  The beauty of coming together and singing of how God shed His grace on us, as Americans was something indeed.  We take it for granted every day.  This country is not great because of the great men who have led us.  This country is great because of the Great God who poured out His grace to those men. 

We began with worship.  We sang of the worth and beauty of Jesus Christ and we stood together proclaiming His grace and mercy.  After that, was a solemn time.  A time where we were led to reflect on our own personal sin - and repent for that before a Holy God.  It was a time of ownership.  It was not a time of blame, or a place where guilt was cast upon others.  It was a time to acknowledge our fault - accept our responsibility as the church for allowing our nation to come to this place in history.

Dr. Dobson recounted the time in history where the German army was coming against the British and French armies in the 1940's.  The Church of England called for a time of prayer and fasting.  3 days later, God answered their cries and the armies were saved.  God hears us when we humble ourselves and cry out to Him.

It was humbling to stand and think of how far we are from acknowledging our need for Him each day.  We have become altogether too self sufficient, only, we are not sufficient in ourselves at all.  Thus, the debt and the lack of family unity and the current state of our nation.  This drought can be ended by one word uttered from the mouth of God.  That is fact.  But, beloved friends, He LOVES US TOO MUCH to let us continue in the mindset that we are enough in and of ourselves!  We need Him.  We must cry out to Him alone for help.  The time for trusting in our 401k and our great "plans" is over.  Those financial things will not bring rain to the earth! (sorry, I digress...)
To get to the point here, I will give you the format and try to be brief in my elaboration :)
The four main prayer segments were this:  Personal Repentance.  Corporate Repentance.  The First Commandment.  And in closing, Prayer for Revival in America.
It was beautiful as the older generation stood and blessed the younger generation - and then in turn, the younger generation stood and blessed the older generation.  Staggering to see a small boy (maybe 9 or 10) stand and pray with conviction for his generation to rise up and call on the Lord.  My eyes could not contain the tears as he prayed.  The thought that Jesus was up there at that moment - hearing him - and loving him - solidified something deep in my heart.  God hears us when we pray.  God delights in His children and He will not fall silent when we come before Him in humility and ask Him to help.  He delights in us, beloved, and He made us to delight in Him.
There are many other things that took place in that place.  I was blessed that in my inability to get to the prayer room in Kansas City, God saw fit to bring a piece of it to me (and the other 30,000 people who were there).  It was just what my soul needed.  Brokenness.  Repentance.  Accountability.  Realization of our need.  Confidence in our Maker.  I know that the heart of the living God was moved.  I know He heard us, and I am continuing to pray that the hearts of the people will be turned back to Him.  I saw it in myself even as we were only 30 minutes down the road...  The tendency towards forgetting all that we had just confessed before the Father.  The tendency to look towards the next thing in my day, and my week.  God allowed me to see how quickly I forget.  So, I am asking Him not to let me forget.  Every cloud I see in the sky makes me believe that He is about to send the rain.  And, with that, I am asking that He would also reign over this great nation with His mighty power once again.
It is time.  Jesus, please come with mercy.

Bathrobes and other such stuff...

Well, I thought that was a nice change from my normal "title".  And, it is legit.  

I went to a training last week for my new job (which I love!).  We met at a ranch in Chapell Hill.  It was beautiful!  The landscape was amazing.  The other admin was so sweet - and our Regional Trainer - well, she and I are kindred spirits.  I simply loved her.  I loved the whole thing.  I got so tickled when we got there and there was a lime green bag - a gift on my bed.

The anticipation grew.
I really wanted to look, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate.
Turns out, I could have, but I waited just in case.

When it was a very appropriate time, I opened it up, and inside was a white bathrobe with the Younglife Logo - and our Region name embroidered on it.  Wow.  That was so cool.
It is the kind of robe that you want to steal from fancy hotels.  You know, the kind that make you want to act like a brat and order room service.  Yep.  It was mine, and just because the amazing people at Young Life wanted me to know that they appreciate me - and they value the work I do.  I still can't believe it.  I hadn't done a thing to earn that robe.  I didn't deserve that robe.  But, it was a gift.  And, I accepted it with deep gratitude in my heart.  So cool.

Now, when I wear it around the house, (which isn't often right now in this 100 degree weather), but when I do wear it...  I make my children refer to me as "Your Highness".  We all laugh, but deep inside I know it, I am royalty, and this was a really sweet way for the King of Kings to remind me that I am His daughter - and royalty indeed.

I love my soft robe, but more than that, I love the organization that made it, and the precious people who decided to give it to me, and even more than that... I love Jesus Christ - the One worth living for - at work, at home, and in all things.  What a gift.  The robe, the organization, the people, and the "job".  It is no longer necessary for me to fight for joy as I get ready for work.  It is easy to be filled with joy as I serve the Lord in this job.  This is such a precious gift after a very long time of striving to do my job with joy.  I wish everyone could love their job the way I do.  I really do.  I hope I never take for granted the way it feels to know I am right where God wants me to be (in this area, at least).  :)   

This is abundance.  This is what life is about.  Knowing Him, and making Him known.  Loving people well.  Reminding people that they are valued in the eyes of Him who created them and made them for His glory.  I am so thankful that Young Life wants to reach every kid with the good news of Jesus Christ.  What a sweet place this is to work.  I can't wait to become an old pro at the office stuff, so that I can serve more in the ministry of Young Life.   Coolest. Job. Ever!

God is faithful.  He will never fail us.  Never.  That doesn't mean things will be easy.  But, it does mean that we are not subject to our circumstances.  We can trust God's plans for us - they are always best, and He can take any situation and turn it for His glory, and our good.   

Let's get some perspective...

It goes without saying that I am not Jesus, or God.  (okay, okay, you can stop laughing now...)

It goes without saying that you aren't either.

Funny how this can be so complicated to remember sometimes.

It struck me (again) today that we humans have a tendency to find what works for us - what the Spirit is leading us individually to do, and put that off on other people.  Somehow, those who are not called to the same type things are just viewed as morbidly stuck without hope for abundance.  But, that really is not true.

Let me explain what I am talking about.  I will hit on two or three very common lines of thinking.  Beginning with the newest - and most widely spreading form of "better than".  Now, don't get me wrong.  I do not feel like any of these things I am going to address are wrong or right in and of themselves.  And, I am hoping not to even let on to what I personally do in any of these situations.  I want to be as unbiased as possible.  However, in all of this there is a danger.  A very wise woman said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."  I just absolutely believe that is true.  You can not and will not be a better someone else than they are.  You are meant to be YOU.  God made you the way He made you and He made you (wonderful) for a purpose.  YOUR purpose.  Not your friend's purpose, or the people you spend the most time with.  You specifically are to be You.  That is what He has called you to be.  And that, when lived to the fullest is BEAUTIFUL!  No matter what it looks like.

People who are likeminded usually end up conforming to be almost an exact replica of someone they esteem - which then becomes...  (deep breath)  idolatry.  Before you want to hang me, please read on because I believe there is freedom here that is being stolen from so many of us!  There is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with people who are like you.  It is a beautiful thing to realize that although you are uniquely you - you are not terribly unlike many other people.  So, it is natural and good to join with those who think the same way as you for support and to encourage each other towards godliness.  However, when you decided that you are going to let that person be your Holy Spirit, you are losing something very precious.  You are losing the ability to hear the Lord for yourself, and live your life unto its fullest purpose.

Three distinct topics of discussion that consistently present themselves to me:
1.  Kids and church:  to attend "big church" with them or send them to sunday school (or children's worship)
2.  Homeschooling vs. Christian schools vs. public schools
3.  Breastfeeding vs. the bottle

Whew - that is certainly a list isn't it?  I can almost feel the glares as I tread these waters....  hang in there.  You can let me know what you think when it is all said and done.  (This is the beauty of a blog)  I get to speak my mind first, and then you can respond once I've already said (almost) all that I have to say about it.  :)

Church:  The two "sides":
1. Why doesn't everyone just take their children to church with them?  Parenting in the pew builds character and they need the message too.  I am a better parent if I take them with me instead of pushing them off on someone else to watch them.  I feel sad for the parents who won't embrace this part of their calling.  Just because we are at church, I don't stop being their main teacher of the Truths in Scripture.  This is my primary calling - to be the best wife and mother to my husband and children.
2.  Why would I EVER take my kids with me to church?  I finally get a "break".  Am I a selfish failure if I like the idea of Sunday school for my kids?  I can't hear the message that I desperately need if I am constantly correcting them and having to parent when there is a perfectly wonderful (and age appropriate) message meant just for them.  When I take them, I can't learn from the Lord what I need to do.  It is such a hinderance.  It makes me a worse parent, not a better parent to have them with me.

You want to know what I think?  There are two very important things to get to before I can tell you.
1.  What does God prompt you to do?
Are you doing one thing or another because you feel guilty and selfish for doing it one way or the other?  Are you being convicted about it, and just being resistant because you just don't like the idea of it?  The ONLY thing that matters is what is God saying to you?  What does your husband feel about this area?  Follow his leading.  God made him the head of your household for a reason.  Even if you completely disagree with him, your job is to follow him and trust that the Lord has bigger things to teach you in the process!  Every child is different - if you have more than one you already know this.  Every family is different.  Yours does not have to look exactly like what someone else thinks it should.  It should only matter what God thinks about it.  He will make it clear to you.  But guilt is not the same thing as conviction. In fact, they are extremely different things.  The only right thing to do is the thing that God says is right for your family.  No matter how strong the argument is that someone else is trying to convince you with.  It never says in the Bible, "Thou shalt send your children to Sunday School" or "Thou shalt take your children into big church with you".  Nope, this is not a matter of godly and ungodly.  This is a matter of learning from the Wisest teacher of all - the Holy Spirit.
2.  What is your motive?
This is not a fun question usually.  It typically uncovers something ugly.  Maybe you want to be seen as "more spiritual" as a family.  Maybe you want to be seen as someone who "doesn't make an idol" of your family.  Either way - pride can easily be at the root of this.  When you decide to judge others, or let others judge you based on the preferences you have in worship, you are giving way to pride - and that is neither pretty, nor holy.  I have heard this both ways.  "The Lord teaches me so much when I have my kids with me.  I am so selfish...."  and "I just need time with Jesus.  My family is not my idol.  I love them, but God gets first place with me, so my kids don't need to take from that time."  Both things can be said and it be good - and both things can be said and it is prideful.  It all comes down to motive.

So, it gets easier from here to know what I think about all of it... homeschooling, private school, public school.  Breastfeeding, bottles...  it is all up to God.  Even adoption.  This is another "hot topic".  You are not more godly if you adopt a child - necessarily.  You are not selfish to want biological children - necessarily.  Our family is not more holy because we had the deep desire to adopt in our hearts.  Our family is not less holy because we had four biological children first.  WHAT DOES GOD WANT FOR YOU?  This is the only thing that matters.  I think it is good for us to be prompted to think on these things.  It is good to think about all the children who are already born that need love and so much more.... but it isn't a rule then that every "good Christian" should adopt.  That is like saying not having children is a sin.  It can be.  But, it can also be what God calls you to- let Him be God for everyone else and just worry about what He says is His will for your family.  You can share the ways the Lord uses things to help others have a different perspective.  But, my perspective and your perspective are not God's.  For His ways are higher than my own, as are His thoughts.  That is the Truth of it all.  He alone will judge the hearts of men.
Last rant before I sign off on this topic...  if whatever you are doing is a constant struggle and you are not learning from the Lord.  Seek His face.  Ask Him to show you what is best.  If you are constantly under condemnation (this is not from God) and feeling guilty - then you need to remember that it is better to live for the One who created you and can destroy your soul than to live to please any man.  You may need to take some time to pray and read the Word and ask God what His will is for you.  And, of course, if you are married - the answer is simple.  Follow the lead of the one who was meant to lead you.  :)  For wives, that is the husband and (of course) Jesus.  For the husband - that is Jesus.    

Essentially, it all comes down to obedience.  Are you doing it because everyone else does, or are you doing it because God said to?  That is really all that matters.  Really.

Celebrate that God has made your family uniquely for Himself.  Set apart in your minds that He is the Lord of all - and surrender to that which He calls you to.  It will by far be the best option!