A Birthday of Blessings!

I woke up to a hand-made (sweet and of course, witty) card from my husband. 

I snuggled on the couch with my babies and ate breakfast.  :)

We met a friend at the movies for the incredible 50 cent Summer movie clubhouse!  (Loved seeing you Tiff - even though it was only for a bit!)

I was spoiled and treated to lunch by my beautiful friend, Mary.  Who also brought me my favorite coffee creamer, the beautiful flowers in the picture, and a new book!!!  I praise God because she knows me so well  - it was perfect - all of it.  My favorite part was getting to chat with her - I am always so blessed by her friendship and love.  Beautiful.

Another precious friend (Thanks Trish!) from our home group treated me to a massage!  Oh man, did I really need that.  It was simply delightful!

Then, my amazing personal chef (also known as my hubby, Ken) made me a steak dinner and his famous Cobb Salad - which is outstanding!  To top it off, he baked me a Red Velvet Cake and lit all 35 candles :) 
Then, I went to work out at BoomFIT with my sweet friend Debi (whom it has been entirely too long since we've hung out!).  I wanted to puke (after eating steak) - but it was really great and I felt good about it after the nausea wore off  :)

Countless friends called, emailed, texted and wrote on my FB wall - with birthday wishes.  So blessed. 

What a day!  My kids sang to me and loved on me all day.  I had sweet fellowship with friends and time to just relax (and pray and read). 

It was a perfect day!   I found myself being so grateful for my family and friends. 

I was especially blessed when my phone rang at 10:20pm!  My friend who lives in East Asia called me to wish me happy birthday.  We got to skype for over and hour and I just cried because of how good it was to see her face and hear her heart.  I have missed her so greatly over this past year!

I couldn't have designed a better day.  It was simply beautiful. 

I am so thankful for the gifts the Lord has given me in my friends.  I can't imagine not having a close group of people who I can share my dreams and my hurts and my heart with!   Each birthday wish, every sweet gesture and the time invested in my life from these precious people is priceless to me. 
What an amazing God to have planned my life before I was even created!  To think He knew every person I would come in contact with - each person that would enrich my life in some way or another...  wow.  What a good and gracious God! 

Today I am still just reveling in the goodness of God.  And, today, I got to enjoy coffee with a new dear friend, Dayna.  It was so exciting to hear how similar some of the desires in our hearts are.  Sweet!  Really sweet! 

I am so thankful for the hand of God in my life.  I am so thankful to be His child.  I am so thankful to have the friends that I have (every single one of you!) 

What a joy to hope in the Lord and have fellowship with others who are like-minded! My heart delights in the great things He is doing.  He is so worthy of my adoration.  He has surely done great things... and He will surely continue to do great things. 

Thinking outside the box...

I am not usually one to brag too much on my kiddos.  Let's face it... everybody thinks their kids are amazing. 

But, look at this picture.  Do you see a random assortment of junk?  Or do you see what he saw, mind you - before it was built? 
J-A-R-E-D. 
He built his name from a pile of garbage. 

I would have NEVER thought to do something like that.  I just don't "see" that way.  But, he sees everything through the lens of creativity. 
Read this:

The War in the Town
By: Jared

Oned day
A baby
Was being born
That day
There was
A war
The baby's mom
Risked
Her life
For the baby
And died

He is 8 years old.  He was told to write a poem - about whatever he thought of - leaving spaces between the lines.  Unbelievable. 
He dreams about moving to New York and putting his art in a museum.  If I am not mistaken... he is well on his way. 
What a cool kid.  Yep, he's mine.  :)

Dangerously Close...

Dangerously close...

Isn’t it something when we are so passionate about something that it makes us cry at the thought of it?  I have a few things like that stored deep in my heart.

I love to worship.  I love to write.  I love to read the Word.  Chances are if you and I were to sit and chat for any length of time about any of those subjects, tears would just spring to my eyes.  They are the deep things in my heart.

God made me that way.  He set those things up in my heart before I was born, to bring me life and abundance in Him.  The things that He desires for us - the abundant life - the promised land that is here and now - must be related to these deep things.  That is why I cry.  It is the unbelief (to some degree) that springs up.  It is the voice of the evil one who wants me to believe that those things are never going to come to pass.   I am just not good enough (well, certainly with the Holy Spirit I am not), or talented enough... Or so many other things.  It is why it is hard to share in groups of people - for fear of sounding foolish or prideful.

But, those of you who really know me, know that I am more and more about keeping it real, and less and less about keeping these things to myself.  God created me for a purpose.  He created me to unashamedly live for Him - in whatever way He chooses.

My book has 3 half-chapters left.  That is simply surreal.  First of all that I am actually so close to being finished.  Secondly, that I am a mere 5 to 6 hours away from needing to figure out about publishing.  And thirdly, that the cover (hand drawn by a dear friend) is perfectly perfect - and already drawn.   I think I always knew it would really be done, but I guess it has just been “Wait” for so long.

This week, I anticipate that my heart will be stirred up in many ways.  I have found some bitterness that lies within my heart.  That is a bummer.  I hate it when I think that I have dealt with something that I have not fully dealt with.  Yuck.  But, I am excited to say that God was gracious enough to shed His light on it, and I am going to choose to be willing to let Him heal my broken heart.  It will probably include being very transparent in an awkward situation, but that is okay.  God is worth it.  He is always worthy of anything I can do to bring Him glory.

Tonight, I want to encourage you to write down the deep things in your heart.  You don’t have to share them with anyone.  But, if you want to believe that God has stirred something within you for a purpose, you ought to tell someone you can trust.  You could even share it with me anonymously.  I love dreams.  God is truly the giver of our passions.  But, the enemy would love to keep us in the place that halts any progression towards the things God has set deep within.  Whatever that thing is that stirs your heart up for God - write it down and seek Him for what He wants from you in it right now.  Maybe it is time to pray.  Maybe it is time to share it with someone, or a close group of people.  If you have not read it, I highly encourage you to read “Waking the Dead”, by John Eldridge.  Talk about reminding us of the importance of seeking out the things of the heart!!  Whew - it is a great read and a good thing for those of us who are parched in this sun-scorched land.

Now, off to finish the book - or make a good run at it.  Sleep well, friends.  Dream big.  Leaving your hands wide open for the Lord to give and take away... 

Puzzle pieces...

Today was such a neat day.  I interviewed for a job with an organization that has a super-great ministry! 

My heart was literally overwhelmed with peace and filled with joy at the thought of working there. 

All of a sudden, many of the little, strange parts of my experience... like puzzle pieces were all coming together to form something I hadn't been able to see before.  It was like I had a giant puzzle that was full of beautiful scenery - in patches - but had many pieces missing... and all of a sudden whole areas of the puzzle were becoming filled in - revealing even more beautiful landscapes than I had been able to distinguish from the hole-ridden puzzle only moments before.  I hope that makes sense. 
I have been asking God to use me for the purposes He created me for.  He knows me, inside and out.  He knows all of my areas of weakness.  He knows all of the circumstances that have come into my life.  He knows all.  He designed me.  He put passion inside my heart for things - and He alone knows how to bring it all together. 
Prayerful consideration is where we are in "the hiring process".  We are praying to see if God reveals any "red flags" over this next week - giving Him the freedom to say "no", or "wait", or anything else He wants to say.  And, I am at complete peace.  That is only by the Holy Spirit.  I have never felt like something was such a perfect fit for my "bents".  You know, the way you are "bent" as a person.  The things that you love.  The things that bring life to your soul and revive your weary heart. 
Today I allowed my heart to fully engage in the "dream" of what could be.  What a sweet time it was to believe for the things that God has placed in my heart.   And tonight, I hold my hands high - filled to the brim with that same dream - and offer it right back to the One who has the authority to give or to take it away.  And peace like a river attends my way...  Rich streams of mercy flood my heart and I am enraptured by the One who is worthy of my praise.   I would rather live in the (faith-stretching) abundance of God than in the insecure place that comes with trusting in my own plans - or ability.  He alone can bring together a perfect fit. 
Tonight my heart is full of adoration and praise.  Tonight I rejoice that He is faithful and I am His beloved.

When all around my soul gives way...

I think I may be running out of "titles" for blog posts.  This just seems to be the most appropriate title to my tired mind right now. So, I am gonna run with it!  Over the last two months, we have lost our business, discovered what it is to scrape every penny we can find just to make (some) of the ends meet.  We have had moments of seeming victory (like when they allowed us to pay our car note over two months time instead of having two notes due) - and we have had moments of sure defeat (like when we discovered that no credit card company would work with us prior to our going into collections for 6 months - thus completely destroying our credit).   But, praise the Lord, we have had enough food to eat, and we have been able to keep our home and our cars.  God is providing week by week for the needs that we have  - he has been consistently providing for us.  He is faithful - even when we don't deserve it.
We have had Verizon "accidentally" draft almost $1000.00 from our account, to be met with the response of "We are so sorry, but there is nothing we can do about that - your refund check will be issued in about 8 weeks."  We have had so many things like that happen - and in all this - there cannot be closure to our "failed" business.  It is enough to make one feel like a worthless liar and a cheat...
Sometimes, the only ways not to lose hope is to remember that this too is only a season, and this too shall pass.  I will be honest, I am weary of the daycare burden.  I was so ready to shake the dust from my feet.  Accepting defeat from the foes that threatened (from the very beginning) to close our doors, and yet, maintaining victory because we know with all of our hearts that we were dealt with outside the realms of justice.  We know that God reached in and rescued me from my sure demise.  The stress and pressure of being the owner was killing my soul.  So, with that stress removed - I began to feel life return to my weary bones.  But, because of the funds we owe to others... this door is seemingly never going to close, and I am growing ever weary of not knowing what is right - thus bringing a heaviness in my soul that I cannot see removed by my own hand or works.  I find each week that there is some other thing left undone, and I am so tired of it all.  This is the part I don't understand.  I don't know why it had to be this way.  If only someone would have wanted to take the business over, and pay us even a small amount of money for the "training" we could give... we would have had money to pay off the debts that we owe.  If only the people that owed us would have paid....  If we had just closed it down rather than going in debt to try and keep it open....  we could "if" it to death... 
As it is, we owe everyone it seems.  We owe the IRS, we owe customers, we owe our accountant, we owe the city of college station, we owe... we owe...  Equally as heavy is determining what to do when we do get a few dollars.  We owe 20 people, four companies, and the government.  How are we supposed to determine who is most worthy to receive their payment first?  Do we draw names from a hat?  Do we somehow try to judge who is really in the most need for their money?  Really?  Who is man that he can determine such things?  And yet, this is the task that I feel I have been given.  I hate it.  Many people can make judgements about how we got into this predicament in the first place.  I don't blame you, often I wonder the same thing.  Every decision seemed to be the right one at the time.  Maybe we should have just closed it down in December when we didn't have the funds to keep it going.  We felt like we were doing everyone a great service by loving on their children, and by offering jobs  - even as it cost us dearly in credit card expenses.  I don't even know if I can answer that question, but one thing I know... I am ready, so ready to be out of this place.  Those decisions have long since been made, right or wrong, and  I am ready to start a new chapter- I am ready to see how the Lord will deal with this mess that still threatens to completely make me lose hope.  It is not that I am not willing to work however hard it is necessary.  I truly am.  But, I am more aware right now, that I am powerless to make anything happen.   It is at times like this, that I have to remember that He who created me, knows my future and His plans are good.  I will not lose hope, because my hope is not in my ability (or my husband's) to work hard enough to get it taken care of.  My hope is fully formed in the One who holds the stars in His hands. 

My hope is found in nothing less 

than Jesus' blood and righteousness, 

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, 

but wholly lean on Jesus name.  

On Christ the solid rock I stand, 

all other ground is sinking sand.  

All other ground is sinking sand. 

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

That is my hope.  Before Him, I already stand blameless, though on the earth, I am riddled with guilt.  This is my hope that Jesus paid all of my debts - and somehow, He in His faithfulness will help us make it right in due time.   When all around my soul gives way... He then, is all my hope and stay. 
Thank you Jesus, that you are all that I need.  You are everything I need to make it through.  Though my name may be dragged through the muck and the mire, and though man may hold our lives under a microscope, I am so thankful that You, the Creator, are full of mercy and grace, and you continue to extend it to even the lowest of men.  Thank you God, for planning for our future, even when we failed to do so.  Thank you God, that everything you allow into our lives is for the purpose of bringing you glory and offering us hope.  Thank you Jesus that you make all things new.  In due time.  Yes, in due time, you will make all things new.  You will provide the offering so that we may stand - even in this situation that seems like it has no end, thank you that you know the day it will.  Thank you that you know the exact hour, and by what means our monetary debts will be paid off and we will start with a clean slate.  Thank you, Lord for your forgiveness when we are faithless.  Thank you for your love that never quits on us.  Somehow may we bring you glory through this.  Somehow, may your name receive honor and praise in the midst of this mess.... only You, Lord, can do things as great as that!

Mother's Day without a mom...

Mother's Day is such a wonderful idea.

Mother's do many things without recognition.  They have many jobs and responsibilities - and taking a day to say "thanks" is lovely, and so appreciated by all the momma's out there.

It is fun to be a momma.  It is fun to be celebrated.  It is a joy to me to see the things that my children have made me - by hand.  They are so proud - and I am so honored to be honored by them.  It is sweet.

But, a day to celebrate mom's for those of us who have lost our mom's is a bit like spring coming without flowers.  It is still beautiful outside.  Life is still growing all around, but something beautiful is missing.  Something is lacking and it is so noticeable.

My mom was simply amazing.

She laughed often.  She gave the most wonderful hugs.  She had the warmest smile, the most tender eyes...  She was an encourager.  She was feisty.  She had a fire about her that you were drawn to naturally.  She loved Jesus.  She honored God with her life.  She worked hard and she loved deeply.

God was so good to me to give me the momma I had.  She loved me so well.

This weekend, I am going to be thankful for the years that I had with her - and the eternity I will have with her.  I am going to be thankful that God's plan included forever for us to love one another.  Only, in the next life... there will be no pain, no tears.  Perfect love.  Perfect peace.  A Holy God - and an eternity to worship our sweet God together.  I don't know exactly how it will look, but I know that she and I will stand side by side and praise the One who gave us life again.  It will not be about how much I love her, or she loves me... but about the fact that we are all consumed with love for the One who is so worthy of our adoration.
That is a sweet thought.
That is my hope.
My life is hidden with Christ in God.
Eternity is real.
If your mom is still alive, even if you have been distant... won't you take the time this side of eternity and make things right?  Won't you remember all of the sacrifices she made and choose to dwell on the good and not the bad things?  Won't you realize what you are forsaking by ignoring her - or making light of her?

Honor your father and mother.

It is the first commandment with a promise.

Are you honoring her?  Are you honoring her in a way that demonstrates Christ to the world?  Don't forget how many people wish they could have just one more day with their mom on the earth.   Don't forget that you are blessed indeed to have a momma still here.  Take time to focus on the blessings of your mom.  Take time to realize that God chose her for you - and He doesn't make mistakes.

Take time to love.  That is what it is all about.  It is a sweet thing to receive love on mother's day - but as long as you have a momma that is alive... it is your right and responsibility to love her.
It is easy to love those who love us... much harder to love those who hurt us - or disappoint us.  But, the Bible doesn't ask us to only love those who are easy to love does it?    The Bible calls us to love radically - no matter the hurts and the pain that come with it.
Forgive.  Love.  Honor.  It is my plea that you would do those things well in regards to your mom.  God can heal up the rest and fill all of the spots that are empty.  That is what He does best.  Lean into Jesus and love your mom like crazy this year!

Be still

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be still.”

That is true, you know?

I mean, exceedingly hard to comprehend, but true, nonetheless.

The Lord has spoken this over my life many times.  He is always in battle for me.  Jesus is ever interceding for me.  He never stops watching over me.  Isn’t it interesting that sometimes, all He wants from us in return is (for us) to be still.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;”

He also was known to use that exact phrase when He got up in the boat and rebuked the waves in Mark 4:39. “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”

Doesn’t it strike you (even a little bit) that it seems like it is the moments in life where the waves are spilling in over the sides of the boat - and they threaten to sink the whole ship - it seems those are the times He says, “be still.”
He knows what we can handle.
He knows our weaknesses.
He knows our inability to calm the waves.

But, the reason He can tell us to be still is that He also knows - He is able.
He has commanded that they cease - and they have NO CHOICE but to obey.
He knows that what we were powerless to do, He did for us on the cross.

As I was thinking that, I pulled up that scripture so that I could remember why I thought the whole earth was still for 3 hours during that time.  Here is what I found:

Luke 23:44-46 records it like this, “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two. 46And Jesus, crying out with a loud voice, said, "Father, INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT." Having said this, He breathed His last.”

Isn’t it something that the whole land was still for 3 hours during the time of Christ’s crucifixion?   I mean, I guess technically, it didn’t have to be still, but it was dark - over the whole land.  When I looked up the word “dark” as used in that verse, it had the synonym blind.  The whole earth was blinded for 3 hours as the sun was obscured.  I also looked that word up - obscured - it said, “fail”, and “to leave; quit”  The sun quit.  I know it is likely describing an eclipse.   But, it is as if the sun couldn’t shine because the Son was dying.  Maybe that is how my “hollywood” brain thinks.  I am dramatic.  But, can’t you just see the sun submitting to the Father as the Son submitted to the Father?

And, talk about a moment of blindness.  Seriously, we couldn’t see at all.  We couldn’t see that the King of Kings was hanging - in pain, and taking away the sins of the world.  Surely we were blind.
I lump myself (and you) in that, because really, haven’t we been just as guilty as those that stood and mocked Him?  I like to think of myself as Mary.  As the one who knew Him.  Who longed to sit at His feet and learn from Him - believing Him and loving Him.  But, so many times I am just as Peter - denying Him - or worse yet, one of the Pharisees - with my list of “duties” and my own record of rights.

This week.  This solemn, and joyous - horrible and wonderful week - I am going to choose to be still.  I am going to choose to look for Him and wait on Him.  And I am going to praise Him that He chose me - even when He knew He would have to die for me, He chose me.

Hallelujah what a Savior!