Mother's Day without a mom...

Mother's Day is such a wonderful idea.

Mother's do many things without recognition.  They have many jobs and responsibilities - and taking a day to say "thanks" is lovely, and so appreciated by all the momma's out there.

It is fun to be a momma.  It is fun to be celebrated.  It is a joy to me to see the things that my children have made me - by hand.  They are so proud - and I am so honored to be honored by them.  It is sweet.

But, a day to celebrate mom's for those of us who have lost our mom's is a bit like spring coming without flowers.  It is still beautiful outside.  Life is still growing all around, but something beautiful is missing.  Something is lacking and it is so noticeable.

My mom was simply amazing.

She laughed often.  She gave the most wonderful hugs.  She had the warmest smile, the most tender eyes...  She was an encourager.  She was feisty.  She had a fire about her that you were drawn to naturally.  She loved Jesus.  She honored God with her life.  She worked hard and she loved deeply.

God was so good to me to give me the momma I had.  She loved me so well.

This weekend, I am going to be thankful for the years that I had with her - and the eternity I will have with her.  I am going to be thankful that God's plan included forever for us to love one another.  Only, in the next life... there will be no pain, no tears.  Perfect love.  Perfect peace.  A Holy God - and an eternity to worship our sweet God together.  I don't know exactly how it will look, but I know that she and I will stand side by side and praise the One who gave us life again.  It will not be about how much I love her, or she loves me... but about the fact that we are all consumed with love for the One who is so worthy of our adoration.
That is a sweet thought.
That is my hope.
My life is hidden with Christ in God.
Eternity is real.
If your mom is still alive, even if you have been distant... won't you take the time this side of eternity and make things right?  Won't you remember all of the sacrifices she made and choose to dwell on the good and not the bad things?  Won't you realize what you are forsaking by ignoring her - or making light of her?

Honor your father and mother.

It is the first commandment with a promise.

Are you honoring her?  Are you honoring her in a way that demonstrates Christ to the world?  Don't forget how many people wish they could have just one more day with their mom on the earth.   Don't forget that you are blessed indeed to have a momma still here.  Take time to focus on the blessings of your mom.  Take time to realize that God chose her for you - and He doesn't make mistakes.

Take time to love.  That is what it is all about.  It is a sweet thing to receive love on mother's day - but as long as you have a momma that is alive... it is your right and responsibility to love her.
It is easy to love those who love us... much harder to love those who hurt us - or disappoint us.  But, the Bible doesn't ask us to only love those who are easy to love does it?    The Bible calls us to love radically - no matter the hurts and the pain that come with it.
Forgive.  Love.  Honor.  It is my plea that you would do those things well in regards to your mom.  God can heal up the rest and fill all of the spots that are empty.  That is what He does best.  Lean into Jesus and love your mom like crazy this year!

Be still

Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be still.”

That is true, you know?

I mean, exceedingly hard to comprehend, but true, nonetheless.

The Lord has spoken this over my life many times.  He is always in battle for me.  Jesus is ever interceding for me.  He never stops watching over me.  Isn’t it interesting that sometimes, all He wants from us in return is (for us) to be still.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;”

He also was known to use that exact phrase when He got up in the boat and rebuked the waves in Mark 4:39. “He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.”

Doesn’t it strike you (even a little bit) that it seems like it is the moments in life where the waves are spilling in over the sides of the boat - and they threaten to sink the whole ship - it seems those are the times He says, “be still.”
He knows what we can handle.
He knows our weaknesses.
He knows our inability to calm the waves.

But, the reason He can tell us to be still is that He also knows - He is able.
He has commanded that they cease - and they have NO CHOICE but to obey.
He knows that what we were powerless to do, He did for us on the cross.

As I was thinking that, I pulled up that scripture so that I could remember why I thought the whole earth was still for 3 hours during that time.  Here is what I found:

Luke 23:44-46 records it like this, “It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour, because the sun was obscured; and the veil of the temple was torn in two. 46And Jesus, crying out with a loud voice, said, "Father, INTO YOUR HANDS I COMMIT MY SPIRIT." Having said this, He breathed His last.”

Isn’t it something that the whole land was still for 3 hours during the time of Christ’s crucifixion?   I mean, I guess technically, it didn’t have to be still, but it was dark - over the whole land.  When I looked up the word “dark” as used in that verse, it had the synonym blind.  The whole earth was blinded for 3 hours as the sun was obscured.  I also looked that word up - obscured - it said, “fail”, and “to leave; quit”  The sun quit.  I know it is likely describing an eclipse.   But, it is as if the sun couldn’t shine because the Son was dying.  Maybe that is how my “hollywood” brain thinks.  I am dramatic.  But, can’t you just see the sun submitting to the Father as the Son submitted to the Father?

And, talk about a moment of blindness.  Seriously, we couldn’t see at all.  We couldn’t see that the King of Kings was hanging - in pain, and taking away the sins of the world.  Surely we were blind.
I lump myself (and you) in that, because really, haven’t we been just as guilty as those that stood and mocked Him?  I like to think of myself as Mary.  As the one who knew Him.  Who longed to sit at His feet and learn from Him - believing Him and loving Him.  But, so many times I am just as Peter - denying Him - or worse yet, one of the Pharisees - with my list of “duties” and my own record of rights.

This week.  This solemn, and joyous - horrible and wonderful week - I am going to choose to be still.  I am going to choose to look for Him and wait on Him.  And I am going to praise Him that He chose me - even when He knew He would have to die for me, He chose me.

Hallelujah what a Savior!

Sweet sweet day!!

What a sweet day it was today!

Early this morning, the Lord whispered a friend's name into my mind... and He kept her there.  After I took Jake to school, I called her to see if she could hang out today. 

What a beautiful surprise that she could - AND she was headed to her mom's house.  This was a special treat as her mom has a very special place in my heart. 

God knew exactly what I needed today.  He knew exactly what my heart was yearning for - and in a sweet way, on a beautiful day - He was more than abundant. 

It is funny, because I have come to expect abundance from my God.  But, on days like this, He still surprises me with His love.  I got to remember sweet things and we laughed.  I got to remember sad things and we got a little teary.
 
It made me so thankful that God planned long ago for our paths to cross, and more than that... He planned for eternity.  I do not have just one lifetime to love these precious ladies.  We have forever.  We will praise Him, as sisters and dearest of friends forever.  What a gift that He would bring people into our lives for the times that could seem hopeless or dreary - and instead it turns the whole ordeal into an opportunity to grow in Faith and trust.  What a gift that He brings us into each other's lives so that we can pray for them and love them.  

Then, I got home and another precious gift was waiting.  Another dear friend of mine was helping prepare a meal this evening for our adoption agency (APO).  It was so wonderful to get to cook with her and see her beautiful smile.  She has been so dear to me over the past few years.  She "mother's" me.  She loves me and serves me as if she were my momma.  It is precious to my heart - that has ached for a momma for over 17 years.
God is so good to have planned for these women to be in my life.  Tonight I am going to rest remembering how we need each other, and how sweet life is when we love Him with our lives.  I am so thankful to get to Worship this magnificent God with these precious precious ladies! 

Praise is rising....

Oh the riches that are found in the Word of God!

As I sit here and meditate on all that He says and all that He has done, He has led me to these verses that capture the very essence of my heart over the last several months - or years... I am not even sure anymore.  Time has all lumped together in my heart.  There is everything that happened before yesterday... and then there is now...
This is the moment I am living in, so hear this... "Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.  You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you.  Each man's life is but a breath.... But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you.  Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools.  I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this..."  Psalm 39:4-9

Yes, my precious Savior - show me.  My life is so fleeting.  May it not be in vain!!!  Let me bring you the praise that you deserve while I am here!! 

Psalm 40:1-11  "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.  Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.  Many, O Lord my God are the wonders you have done.  The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.  Then, I said "Here I am, I have come - it is written about me in the scroll.  I desire to do your will, O my God your law is within my heart.  I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as you know O Lord.  I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.  I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.  Do not withold your mercy from me, O Lord, may your love and your truth always protect me. "

Yes!  He has rescued me from the muck and the mire indeed!  He has put a new song in my mouth. He has helped me to proclaim his Truth - I cannot seal my lips.  I must speak of His faithfulness and salvation!  Isn't His Word so amazing? 

I am so in love with Him.  I hope that you long to be in love with Him - He will give you that desire in your heart!  Ask Him - it is according to His will that you would really want to be consumed by Him and with love for Him.  Don't just sing about it on Sundays and think what neat lyrics they are!  Be consumed.  Allow Him to move you and say "yes, Lord - whatever you ask of me!"  He is worthy!  His so worthy! 

I am asking Him to grow us - as a family in holiness and in love for Him.  I know He will hear me and He will say yes to that!  I know He will!  It may be terribly uncomfortable.  It may be really hard, but one thing I know - He is worthy.
I am reminded of a song that I love, it says, "What joy, what joy for those whose hope is in the Name of the Lord. What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone!"  How true.  Never should I in my life be more fearful, or more devastated by my surroundings.  I lost my job - I lost my "good name" in the community.  We owe more money than we know what to do with.  We have no idea where it is coming from.  We are working our hearts out and we have nothing to show for it. We don't even know how we will pay the electricity this month.  All of this is just honest... but let me tell you this.  I have great peace.  I have no fear.  I have never had more confidence that the Lord loves me than I do right now.  Surely there are moments when I am thinking about it all and not looking at it from the right perspective.  I am seeing my problems and not my God.  But, here is the deal... I have a God that is greater and stronger.. a God that owns everything.  A God that knew that we would be here and we would have no answer but Him.  A God that knows exactly how this month, and this year will go.  A God that loves us more than we could ever love ourselves.  He is amazing.  He will not leave us stranded.  No matter what.  He has a way.  He will not allow us to be overcome.  He will do whatever is necessary to pull us through.  He loves us that much.  My confidence is in Him alone.  He can do it!  I have great hope - because my hope is in Him.  He is my joy.  He is my life. No matter what the enemy stands and accuses Him of, I will not believe it!  He is my God, and He is perfect in love.  Perfect. 
Praise is rising in my heart.  If I do not share it I might explode!  Praise is rising because the more desperate we are, the more able we see He is - the weaker we are, the stronger we will see Him be on our behalf.  Praise Him indeed!

Time keeps on tickin', tickin' away!

What?  

We are 1/4 done with 2011?  

Are you serious?   

Does anyone else feel like that?  

I am going to be intentional about slowing my life down!  

I will let you know when I find the exact recipe... but I think it has something to do with saying "no" more frequently and turning off all electrical devices every now and then.  I know - that seems CRAZY!  But, I mean it.  Something has to give!  So here is something I wrote in January.  It was a bucket list of sorts.  Not that I think I am necessarily not going to make it to 2012, but it is a combination of short term goals (like a new years resolution) and a bucket list (things I want to do (continually) before I die).  Already I am astonished at how little progress I have made - probably because I didn't keep this list handy before, but I am going to be more aware of the things that I want to do - really want to do this year (and continually)... 

Most people I talk to had a pretty rough 2010.  Not entirely.  There were weddings, births, birthdays, and Anniversary’s.  There were graduations and happy events.  But, there were funerals - people so young, deaths so tragic...  There were layoffs,  divorces and bankruptcies and simply difficult times making ends meet.  

January 1^st seems to be a time of renewal - at least somewhat.  A new year doesn’t bring back those that we love who have passed on.  It doesn’t ease the pain of divorce, or other tragedies...  But, doesn’t it give us a new starting point?  I think it makes it easier to remember that yesterday is not all that there is.  Though, none of us know if we will have tomorrow or not, the thought of the future seems to be in the forefront of our minds.  Today we will make choices that next year at this time we will either be really happy about, or we will regret.   

In 2009,  I had the privilege of walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day.  That is an entirely different story, but that is where I saw this shirt, that has continued to leave an impression in my mind.  

Black shirt, white writing...

“Life is Choices.”  

Simply stated and yet terribly difficult to really grasp the vastness of those three words.  Every choice we make is going to determine, at least in part, the course of our lives from that point on.  I believe that (thankfully) we are not fully able to determine the course of our lives.  I believe that God is in control of the whole Universe - and He can take things I do that are destined for ruin and turn them into things that actually have worth.  I am not asking for a theological debate, but I think everyone would agree that some things in life just don’t make sense - and no one is fully in control of what happens in their lives.  We cannot stop someone we love from dying.  We cannot force our employer to keep us employed.  We cannot control many things in our day to day.  But, there are things that we can control- and that is what I really want to focus on.  

I determine how often I yell at my kids.

I determine how often I do something nice for someone, expecting NOTHING in return.

I determine how many times I hit the reset on the alarm - making it ever more difficult to get out of bed.

I determine how often I use my words to make someone feel better - and give them hope.

I determine how often I choose to see the worst in someone.  

I determine how often I choose to see the best in someone.  

I determine how many times a day I respond with kindness instead of irritation or anger.

These choices, these little choices determine many things about how my year will go.  It reminds me of “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  What a great picture of how the choices we make always affect other people.  Our choices almost NEVER just affect us.  Think of a few things...  And then try to think of something you do every day that doesn’t affect anyone else.   I mean it, take a minute to think it over.

Hard isn’t it? 

Even something as simple as tipping the pizza delivery guy, or not.  That choice affects other people.  Sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a positive way, and sometimes we are privileged enough to see how our choices affect others in a negative way.  Hopefully we will learn from those times and press forward.

That is my number one resolution this year.  These are the things for my year’s “bucket list”.  I want to have a new Bucket List often - checking off many things just because I can - and it will help me to push for the things that are more difficult to attain.  

My 2011 Bucket List:

• I want to learn something every day.  I want to learn from my mistakes (and hopefully learn from others as well).  I want to learn how to affect my world in a gentler way, with kindness of speech and action.  
• I want to read a book a month (at least)
• I want to read a biography of someone with great faith (C.S. Lewis, or Hudson Taylor...)
• I want to determine not to think the worst of people - but to cut more slack and be kind no matter what.  
• I want to tell my husband something nice that I think of him every single day.
• I want my kids to see a mom who is in control of her temper - even when the buttons are all pushed at the same time.  
• I want to go to Colorado and sit under the stars out by the fire and sing a song.
• I want to write a letter to my dad and my grandmothers and tell them how much I love them.
• I want my husband to see a wife that is there for him - really there for him to hear him when he wants to talk - and when he doesn’t.  
• I want my family to see my love for them - unconditional and strong - regardless of the foolish decisions they might make.  
• I want to buy something really great - and then give it away to someone who needs it more.
• I want to read my Bible every single day - not because I am expected to, but because I love the Lord and want to know more about Him.
• I want to go to Kansas City to the International House of Prayer.
• I want to go to an old Bed and Breakfast and sit on the porch early in the morning and read...
• I want to bless someone through worship (singing) of my Savior.
• I want to drive way too far - to stay way too short - to hug a friend and tell her she’s great.
• I want to repair an old relationship and resolve to love better this time around.
• And most importantly, I want to bless the Lord with all that is in me...  

I want to lose weight and eat better and exercise too - but I have found that those aren’t the most important things...

Whatever your list, your resolutions, your hopes for this year - I pray a blessing for you and your family.  Thanks for reading mine.

Followers of Christ??

More than ever right now I am wanting to shake everyone I know that is a Christian and tell them they had better act right (including myself)!
We have two families that we owed money because the daycare closed.  One family is Christian.  One family is Mormon.  Both families had paid on a credit card.  Both families charged back their credit cards after we closed.  The difference?  The Christian family charged back the entire amount, not even paying for the part of the services they used.  The Mormon family charged back what they actually were due.  They figured up what they owed us (including registration fees) and only charged back the amount they were due.  Wow.
Why do we as Christians feel like it is okay to act like the world?  Why do we feel like we are doing everyone a service when we tell them about Christ if we are not going to actually follow Him (which means acting like He would in all situations).  Team win for Satan.  Team loss for Christ, and it happens every day all day long.  When are we going to wake up and understand all of our sin - ALL OF IT - affects other people.  All of it impacts people we may never know it impacted.  We have to realize time is short and if we are at all concerned for people’s souls, we need to stop being shown up by people who serve a Jesus that is impotent - because in that religion - Jesus Christ is the Son of God, but not God. That makes the Jesus they follow VERY different than the Jesus I follow.   They also believe that we will be gods one day, though they say we will never be as powerful as God - because “as we are growing in knowledge, so is He”.  I am sorry, but the God I serve will not be growing in knowledge or power or anything else because He is already all-knowing, and all powerful.
 I have a few friends who I love deeply who are Mormons.  They are precious to me.  I pray often that the eyes of their hearts would be open to the Truth of God’s Word.  The Truth that speaks of Hell more than it speaks of Heaven.  The Truth of the Trinity - where Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are all truly One.  The Truth that says that there is only one way into Heaven - “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No one gets to the Father but through me.”  No one.  Not one person will ever be good enough apart from Jesus Christ.  And, not an impotent, Jesus.  The real Jesus Christ.  The One who was perfect.  The One who came so that we might have life.  I hate the religion of Mormonism because it is so deceptive.  SO DECEPTIVE!  But, please don’t get me wrong.  I love Mormon people.  I dearly love my friends who are Mormons.  And I am sad that if I weren’t a believer, I would have just been exposed to this Christian and this Mormon and I wouldn’t have fuzzy feelings for the Christian at all.  This experience would make me want to agree with my cousin, if I didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ as my Savior already.  When I “share my testimony” it does not sound like anyone else’s.  It is the personal account of my walk with Christ.  My faith in God.  The ways that He has stepped into my life and been personal with me.  The ways that He has rescued me.  The hurts that He has carried me through.  The way that He is constantly at work around me and in my heart.  My testimony is not of a mere man (Joseph Smith) or in support of a religion.  My testimony is about the Savior of my soul, and the Redeemer of my heart and the Repairer of all things broken in my life.
 My cousin (who is not a believer) has ribbed me since I was little about things - a lot of things.  I feel like she has always just not liked me very much.  I am not really sure why, but because of the things that she says to me, I think it has something to do with the fact that I follow Christ.  I have been a lover of Jesus Christ since I was little.  I have not always acted like it.  She has had many people in her life say they were Christians and then they hurt her - deeply.  Some, worse than others.  She has been surrounded by false teaching for part of her life, and she has been consumed with a mild form of hatred for Christ-followers based on this (at least that is what it appears to me).  Last week she posted this on Facebook...  “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ - Mohandas Gandhi”.  That quote was deeply convicting for me personally, because, though we are not perfect... and won’t be this side of eternity, we make choices every day.
Life is choices.
When we allow ourselves to consider ourselves more than we consider others we do much damage to the Kingdom of God.  According to Scripture, we are His Ambassadors, but we live as if we are only representing ourselves.  Sad.  Really sad.

I implore you, if you are a Follower of Christ, if you believe the Bible is true - all of it - from cover to cover - then pursue righteousness.  Remember that all of your ACTIONS speak to what you really believe, and who you really believe in.

I almost fell for it...

Today I came disturbingly close to falling full force into the trap the enemy had set for me.  But, praise be to God that “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer and enables me to walk on the heights...” 

I got “the” letter today.  The one that has wrong information about the “facts” of the daycare closing.  It’s the same letter that beckons me to believe - I just wasn’t good enough.  I’m a failure, and my name is ruined.  It is the one that almost trapped me into thinking that my value could be determined by the mere opinion of a fellow man.  It is the one that made me reconsider defending my own glory - which is a far different thing than desiring the Lord’s glory alone.  It was a well-set trap.  But, my God is a God who delights in Truth.  And, His Word is full of that Truth.

Just before Jesus was crucified, He prayed for all Believers, and He specifically prayed for you and me -  those of us who would follow Him without ever having sat with Him at supper.  He prayed for those of us who would Believe on His Name and be saved.  He asked His Father several things.  One of them was this, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by the truth; your Word is truth.” (John 17:15-17).

We will be sanctified by the truth.  His Word is truth.  His Word is what will sanctify us. 

To be sanctified means:  the act/process of making holy, consecrated according to Holman’s Bible Dictionary. 
Webster’s defines it like this: to set apart to a sacred purpose...

As believer’s in Christ, we are set apart to a sacred purpose for sure.  We need His Word to guide us into all truth.  Colossians 3:16 “just happened” to be the verse of the day today on my phone’s daily Bible app.  It says this, “Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

The Word of God should dwell in us richly.  It teaches us.  That Scripture says that we should have it dwelling in us so much that we can teach and admonish one another in all wisdom.  Scripture yields wisdom - straight from One that has all things and created all things.  I love how it says, “with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” 

Thankfulness is key. 

I, for a moment, forgot how thankful I am for what the Lord has done through this already. 

I am filled with gratitude.  In the deepest places, I am greatly rejoicing over His hand of protection and unfailing love towards me. 

I was rescued.  I am treasured.  I am going to rejoice to the same degree that I get to share in His sufferings.  The false accusations I have received PALE in comparison to those He received. 

I am human, and flawed.

He was perfect.  No mistakes.  No flaws.  Without blemish. 

He was tried, beaten, mocked, spat upon and crucified - and He did nothing wrong.  Not one thing.

I feel like Job as he stood in the storm - right in the very presence of God’s power and said, “my ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” (Job 42:5)  His next move - he despised himself and repented in dust and ashes.

I am afraid too often that is my problem.  I do not despise myself.  I am not talking about not having self esteem.  I am talking about loving my “self”, loving my flesh.  Loving my name more than I love His.  I wish you could hear my heart screaming!  “I DO NOT WANT TO LOVE MY NAME MORE THAN I LOVE HIS!!!!!” 

Lord, Jesus, help me get this!!  These are the times to bring Him glory.  These are the times to worship Him and serve Him only.  Ugh, when will my flesh understand that it is not about me!

So, here it is...  a confession long overdue this day:

He alone is beautiful. 
He alone is worthy.
He alone is the Creator. 
He alone deserves ALL glory and praise.
He alone can redeem my life.
He was and is, and is to come.

May His Kingdom come and His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.