Busy busy and ready for summer!

It's easy to see how life has become too busy when I think about all that the Lord has accomplished over the last month and I haven't even written about it. The biggest news... our birthmother signed the voluntary relinquishment papers, which means that we don't have to terminate her rights. It was beautiful. The Lord in all of His Sovereign majesty saw fit to bring her to just the right place at just the right time. It was nothing short of a miracle - and I want you to be able to praise the Lord with me! He is gracious and compassionate... slow to become angry and abounding in love. He is the Creator of the ends of the earth. The Everlasting God. The God who saves. This is now my prayer - again. I am asking that He will pull her from the depths. I am asking that He will reach His mighty arm down from on high and save her soul. But, in this time He has also taught me that we are not just to seek His arm... His arm that provides. He longs for us to seek His face. To seek Him. Simply, He invites us to know Him... which is much better than any gift that His arm might bring.

I am called to be a woman of prayer. I seek His arm literally all day long. But, it is in the still moments... those quiet times when all the kids are asleep and there is little else that could be done that He whispers to me... "Seek My face..." So, as David, I long for my response to be "Your face Lord will I seek..." Though there is nothing at all wrong with asking the Lord to provide for us, for our friends and family... there is nothing wrong with asking the Lord to reach down from on High and save... He wants us to ask Him to do those things. He loves to provide for us. But, He longs that we know Him. He says, "My beloved your companions are fortunate to hear your voice... let me hear it too." (Song of Songs 8:13.)

In June we will be able to finalize our adoption. Technically, that means that Mia will be recognized by the State of Texas as our daughter. Her new birth certificate will be printed and she will be Mia Destiny Simmons. She will officially be "adopted". That reminds me of something that we have to claim. Many people don't even realize that they think that adoption somehow means "less". I will tell you what I mean. Didn't we tease our friends or siblings about being adopted when we wanted them to feel like they didn't belong? That is rooted in something that Satan has been trying to do in our hearts since before we could ever understand. He wants us to feel like adoption is less, because if we ever really got it... that we are adopted by the King... well... let's just say it wouldn't bode well for the dark kingdom. Can you imagine if for one day you really lived like you were a Daughter of the King? Princesses live in castles (okay going to fairy tale land for a minute). They wear beautiful dresses, they have favor with the King. They get to eat at the royal table and ride in the royal coach. They have beds that are soft and comfy and they are never in a place of want. Even think of Princess Diana. Though, I don't really know what it was like to be her - one thing I really understand - it was easy to grasp... she had favor before the people. She was recognized as a princess. She was royalty and there was a certain air about her that made people have respect for her. I don't mean to ramble... but really, we just don't understand. The Bible tells us that we are now co-heirs with Christ. We are a royal priesthood. But we spend most of our lives living as if we were a pauper.

Can you imagine if we dressed our biological children in beautiful clothes and we dressed our precious Mia in rags? What if we didn't have a seat at the table for her, so she had to eat alone a distance away from the table? And yet, isn't this the image that you have of yourself with God? You aren't "worthy" to eat at the royal table? You are less because you are not a natural born child of His? We aren't worthy on our own. We are unable to be holy enough to get to our God. He is perfection and beauty and purity. We are filthy. But, that is why the promise is so sweet. That is why the gift of Jesus is everything we need to hold on to. His (Jesus') righteousness was put on my account when I came to know Him as my Savior. My outstanding debt was wiped clean and His righteousness was posted to me. God views me as His child. God does not see me as less. He does not look at me as the one He felt obligated to save. I want Him to continue to teach me about this. But, I want you to know this... I never knew until we had Mia in our home to love what adoption really meant. I am an imperfect person. I do not love perfectly like God does. But, I can promise you that this precious baby girl is not loved less. Many times I actually forget that she didn't come from my body. She is my daughter. Before time began, God had written her on my heart and she is my child - not one bit less than my biological children. She isn't somehow inferior to her brothers and sisters. We love them all the same. There is no exception with our Mia.

God is opening my eyes about how much we should rejoice that we have been adopted as His children. Ephesians 1:5-12 says it this way, "For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will - to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves.... in Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ may be for the praise of His glory."

I was laying out on the trampoline. Two precious babies asleep, three big kiddos in school... and I was having a moment of quiet peacefulness and talking with the Lord. In that sweet time, the Lord etched something on my heart that was so sweet. I will conclude this long note with it. My prayer is that I would no longer let the enemy steal from me my inheritance, and that you wouldn't let him steal it from you either. I know how much I love Mia. I know how there is no difference, nothing "less" about my love for her. I want to understand more clearly how that applies to me in regards to our Perfect, Loving Daddy. Lord, help me get it...

I Am Chosen

I was chosen by the Creator before the world began.

He formed me in my mother’s womb and chose to give me life and call me His child.

I was chosen to receive this life by my birth-mom

who carried me inside for 8 months instead of ending my life by abortion.

I was chosen by my adoptive family, both in their hearts before they knew me,

and now physically as they get to love and care for me.

I was chosen. I am chosen. I am dearly loved.

I am loved by my Creator - God. I am loved by my birth-mother.

I am loved by my adoptive family.

I am not less because I am adopted.

I have been given a chance at life.

I am chosen. I am cherished. I am loved. I am adored. I am adopted.

Sweet Stillness!

I wish you could be here with me. Well, that is not entirely true. I wish you could be somewhere like I am able to be right now. But, honestly, I am really enjoying my time alone. It is 65 degrees. The sun is out - with a few clouds - and the breeze is cool. Birds are singing all around me and I am sitting on a balcony overlooking beautiful trees - and in the distance - a quiet lake. There is a hush in the air. A stillness, a peacefulness that I rarely partake of at home.

I had hours this morning of worship. Sometimes singing... sometimes praying... sometimes just sitting in stillness before the Lord, and sometimes trying to erase the billion thoughts jumbled in my head. We sang a song that moved my heart. I want to sing it out loud - I want to play it on the piano. “All I want is you and all I need is found only in your heart.” The melody is almost haunting... it is so beautiful. It is as if it grips your heart and pulls you toward something you know to be true, but you rarely acknowledge as the truth by your actions.

Why it is easier here to skip a nap and study I am not fully sure of. The weather is perfect. The balcony doesn’t hurt anything, nor do the trees and birds. It is easy to see a stillness that exists in the earth. A quiet restfulness that isn’t sleep, but is as restful as if I had taken a long nap. My precious baby girl is sleeping peacefully downstairs. She has been a delight.

I am so aware of the sin in my life right now. Though it isn’t as if the Lord is bringing it all to light to slay me with it. It just breaks my heart that it is keeping me from intimacy with Him. I have been eating like a crazy woman. I am constantly craving sweets and things that are not necessarily healthy for my body. And I am giving in a lot to those cravings of my flesh. I have given in to the desire for sleep and the desire to feed my flesh so often. It is like I am given over to desires that Jesus came to free me from. It isn’t that He doesn’t want me to have sweets, or to get sleep... He commands us to rest - to take a Sabbath... and yet, I am so unbalanced in the way that I choose to live in these areas. I have always been quite the extremist. One day completely abstaining from the things that numb my heart and the next indulging until I am almost sick from the emptiness gained from the filling of my flesh.

I am reminded of (and thankful for) Paul’s words in Romans “who will save me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Yes, praise be to God for Jesus who made atonement for all of the sin of the earth. So that if we but receive the gift of Grace given to us - we can be free from this sin that easily entangles! This is beautiful in Hebrews.. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses (Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, Barak Samson, David...) let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...” He did it all for the joy set before Him. And do you know what that joy is? He is now at the right hand of the Father - for eternity! And because of His sacrifice, we will one day join Him in Heaven. Why is it so hard to live this life as if it is as temporary as it really is? We will be here just a moment, and then it will all pass away and only the things done for eternity will last! I want to get this!!! Well, I am off to spend more time in the scriptures. What an amazing day! I am so thankful for my husband who allows me this time... this time to get away and be still with the Lord. What a precious gift he is to me. What a precious gift he has given me!

Thankfulness...

“If you have played the fool and exalted yourself, or if you have planned evil, clap your hand over your mouth! For as churning the milk produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.” Proverbs 30:32-33

So, in my life I have certainly played the fool. I am afraid that my biggest struggle is that of exalting myself. It is ugly to say - especially to share... but it is true. It has been often that I exalt myself in my mind (and to others). I love to be noticed. I love to be told how wonderful I am. I feel as if I deserve that in many ways. God has been revealing some pretty ugly things inside of me lately. I love that about Him. He wants me to be holy. He wants me to bring Him glory in all that I do. But, the more I exalt me the less I exalt Him. It is the nature of things. John the baptist had this wisdom. It is why he said, “I must become less... He must become more.” Yes. That is the key.

I have been thankless. I have been self-centered. I have thought more highly of myself than I ought. I have been unforgiving. I have been lazy. There it is - all out in ink now.

Whew. That feels good. It feels good to just know that I can say all of those things and God loves me just the same. His opinion of me isn't diminished. I want to become a woman who gives thanks for all things.

I am married to an amazing man. I am married to a man who is just and loving. I am married to a man that desires to be a “good and faithful servant”. I praise the Lord for that. He is a very handsome man. He is my hero. He is my love.

I have five beautiful children. FIVE! Wow! I am so blessed. Three amazing sons and two beautiful daughters. How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us!

I want to write. I want to sing. I want to live a life that is fragrant with Worship of the King. The Only One Worthy. He is my Everything. I want that to pour from me like a beautiful melody. Like a song that makes everyone feel good and joyful. I want to bring sunshine to every place I go. I want to put off the things that are weak and frail and pick up the things that are strong in the Lord! I want my heart to be moved by the things that move His heart.

That is all for now. Not all that is in my heart. Just all I have time to share :)

Oh Mia, Mia...

This girl really does get more beautiful every day! I am adding some images here per request of my sweet sister in law! She reminded me that I hadn't posted anything in a while... So, here is this precious baby girl... In her jean jacket and shoes... Oh my goodness! She is REALLY enchanting!

Been a while...

So, it has been a WHILE since I updated... I am sorry. Mia is beautiful and growing more beautiful everyday! She is learning to belly laugh - mostly at Jake - and still smiles almost all the time. Jude is hilarious! He is saying words like, "eat, up, down, Jude, Joc, Momma, Dadda, more..." and several others. He will show you his belly if you ask him (and sometimes if you don't)... he will show you where his nose is and his mouth (one of my favorites). He also blows kisses and knows how to tell his brothers and sisters he is sorry when he hurts them. He is really something else!!! Jared is doing great in school and is becomming quite the artist! He is so good at drawing and just being sweet!Maddy made a 100% on her TAKS test. Yep, she didn't miss one. Oh brother, brains and beauty... what do we have ahead of us??? And Jake - well... he finally did it. He is as tall as me. He measures exactly the same height as me... but not for long I am sure! I will be looking up to him very soon I am afraid!We have taken the whole family camping once and we are going to go again soon. I am really looking forward to it! The kids really do well... and Jude LOVES the outdoors! We don't have a date yet for the finalization of the adoption... but we know it will be June. So we are really excited about that! That is all for now... got to go tuck in kids... WAYYY past bed time now :)

Twelve Minutes

Time is an earthly thing. We run our lives by it... we must because everyone does. We have times to be at school or work, and times that are "free". Time to eat lunch, and time to go to bed... The Bible talks about times... It says that there is a time for every activity under heaven. "A time to be born and a time to die" is the first one it describes. The first two seasons under heaven mentioned are that of the beginning and of the end of our lives. There was a set apart time for Mia to be born. God knew exactly when that was. I never really doubted that He had our daughter in His capable hands through the adoption process. He is Sovereign and altogether perfect. Nothing catches Him off guard or surprises Him. So, on December the 4th He knew just when to prompt our birthmom to call the ambulance.
We were given Mia's medical papers a few weeks ago. I looked over every inch of the pages that we were given. I don't normally do that kind of thing. I get frustrated when I get a new cell phone because it doesn't work like my last one, and I don't like to take the time to read over the instructions. I am a bit lazy in regards to that, and quite honestly, disinterested... though, if I would read about it, I would save myself a lot of trouble with the device... Anyway, this was VERY different. I wasn't there when Mia was born. I wasn't there to watch Candice begin labor, or there as she came crying and a little blue into this world. So, I wanted to know every detail I could from these papers with very small - illegible handwriting.
As I read through the medical papers for our daughter, one of the first things I noticed was that Candice didn't have any pain medication... a million things flooded through my mind. I am a BIG advocate of the epidural. I love to enjoy my babies and hold them and not feel the complete and total pain of the delivery. I don't have a big spiritual opinion on that, but it has worked for me four times, and I don't regret it - even for one minute. Anyway, I just couldn't imagine it - how hard it would have been for her. This whole process would have been so painful emotionally... but now physically... I was heartbroken. And then as I kept reading every word... every line, I noticed something else. This was something that would make me even more in awe of our God. This God whom I KNEW held her in His hands...
Mia was born at 12:47 in the afternoon. Mia's birthmom, Candice was admitted to the hospital at 12:35 in the afternoon. Twelve minutes after she was admitted, there was a beautiful, blue, tiny baby girl in the delivery room. Mia wasn't breathing very well when she was born and had to have oxygen (this I also found out from the papers). Twelve minutes separated our little girl from being born in a house, not breathing well... and her actual delivery - safe and sound at St. Joe's hospital in Bryan. I can't put to words adequately how much peace that gives me. God timed it perfectly. Perfectly.
Twelve minutes... I can't blow dry my hair in twelve minutes. Two minutes extra of traffic, or five minutes more of waiting... every step that Candice made could have changed the outcome. God knew. He always knew. And He had His very loving hands all over our baby girl. It makes me look at each twelve minutes we're given. If you knew that any given decision you make in a day could affect another person's life that drastically - how would you live? I hope I am making sense. If you stopped for twelve minutes to talk to that lady that you see everyday, in the coffee shop that looks so lonely... how would that change you? How would it change her? If you left twelve minutes earlier for work - or for you workaholics, twelve minutes later... what would that do to your day? If you talked about Jesus to your friends for twelve minutes... do you see what I am saying? There is a time for everything under heaven. There is a time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to greive and a time to dance, a time to embrace and a time to turn away... a time to search and a time to quit searching... Ecclesiastes 3 is where God shows us that there is a season for everything... a time to live... a time to be born... Thank you, Father, that you knew her time... and you plotted every step to get her here safely. She is our little miracle baby. Four weeks early... five pounds, 2 ounces... and twelve minutes... I am in awe of our God all over again.

Ugh... being human...I want to do this right

The workings inside the heart are interesting for sure. I would love to say that throughout this journey my heart has not been divided. However, I would not be human if somewhere deep inside the urge to pack Mia up, holding her tightly in my arms screaming “mine, mine, mine…” and move to Mexico tomorrow wasn’t inside of me. That is the beauty of God. He knows this about me. He knows in my weakness, when my thoughts start to wander to an “easier” path that I want to run away with her. Run away period. Life is not easy or tidy. I am so weak in my flesh. And it is costly. Not costly as far as the world sees, but costly in my spirit – to my heart. I am missing out on intimacy with God that nothing else will replace. There is no excitement, or love, or joy that compares to those found in the Lord. If you have not known this personally, you shouldn’t just take my word for it. You should taste and see that the Lord is good. Start with 30 minutes a day in the Word. Then increase it to 45. Once you begin you won’t be the same, and you won’t want to miss it. He will speak things into your life… into your heart that will be like sweet music to the soul! You won’t ever know what it is to be loved until you grasp a little bit of how He loves you. You won’t ever know what it is to ache until you have shared His ache for the lost and the wounded. He has set all things up to reveal His glory, but His glory lies in binding up the brokenhearted and setting the captives free. He is a God of freedom. He is a God who loves perfectly. How could I doubt what He has planned for our family, for Mia, for Candice? It is impossible when I look at how He has operated in my life to this point. I feel young, and still I feel like He has revealed Himself, and His faithfulness to me so many times and in so many ways in my life! I am so blessed to have watched Him heal my sister from leukemia, perfectly heal my mother (through death on the earth), bring me a husband and five amazing children! Our businesses, our lives, our everything are as a result of His grace and mercy in our lives. We were bound for divorce, out of money, out of luck, out of hope until the Lord reached in and made Himself so real to us. I’ll never forget. He didn’t tell us “Hey, I’ll get you out of this mess.” He said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” It is in the seeking that we are blessed. Not seeking Him for the sake of blessing, but seeking Him and His kingdom. He is worth seeking. He is worth everything. Oh, if I could only be like the man in the field who went and sold everything he had to go buy the field with the priceless pearl. Would I really sell it all? Would I? If God took away everything from me, would I live like Anna in the temple praising Him night and day, or would I look to fill my life up with other things. I am not sure that I know my heart well enough to answer that correctly. I know what I want to say. I know what I want to be true… but I am not sure that I would do it right! The time is coming where we need to be fighting hard against our flesh… and the pull seems to be getting stronger. God is faithful and God is worthy! Help us Lord to be faithful to you!