Would you just look at her? She is a tiny miracle. Well, she is a HUGE miracle in a tiny package. I promised more, and it has been a while. There have been many things taking place in our household. Beautiful things that the Lord is doing in and around this sweet baby girl's life. I cannot express with words what it is like to have her. There are times that I look at her and I forget that she didn't come from me. She is just so perfectly made for our family. I am in awe of the Lord and how He has done that. I thought it would be so different. I thought it would always be in the back of my mind that she was adopted, but really I have to force that to the front in order to pray for our birthmom with fervor. She is SOOO sweet. She hardly ever cries, and she is so peaceful. I can't really tell you - you would have to see her yourself. But anyone who has held her will testify to her sweet peacefulness. What a gift!
Please continue to pray for our birth-mom, Candice. I cannot imagine the things she has been through in life. I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult life has been for her. Please pray for her to know the Truth. Please pray for her to come to know our Savior. Please. If you rejoice with us, pray with us for her salvation, and for her to know the truth and be set free from the bondage of the enemy. There is much to be thankful for at this time, but there is much to continue to pray over. Think of how her arms must ache - with a body that reminds her daily that she gave birth- to the emptiness she feels in her arms... can we really even begin to imagine what that would be like? I can't. I know I can't. Her heart is breaking and she doesn't know the Comforter. Please. pray with us for her... Love to all of you, and I will update again sooner next time... maybe :)
Mia "Destiny" Simmons... Born weighing 5 lbs. 2 oz. - 17 inches long, on December 4, 2008. She is tiny and BEAUTIFUL! Praise the Lord our little girl is at home. Please be praying that God's will alone will be done in her little life - and soon. The battle is not over yet, though we believe that she is our daughter. Please pray for our birthmom. Pray that God's will is done and that His kingdom will come in her life. He is an amazing God, and when the time is right, we will share the story of His faithfulness during this time. Thank you to all of our friends and family that have come over and helped with laundry, and brought us little pink gifts. I cannot express the gratitude in my heart for you. Your words of encouragement and your prayers have been so precious to our hearts. You are an amazing bunch of loving people! I praise the Lord for you in my life! Keep praying for God's will to win out soon in our little girl's life. What a precious gift she has already been in our family! The Lord is amazing!
Deuteronomy 4:7 " What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him?"
We do not have a God that is far off, or unable to act. We have a God who loves us deeply and does more than we can ask or imagine when we call to Him in prayer. He is near to us indeed!
The phone rang at 5:18 Sunday evening. Something inside of us just knew. Ken even knew that she was already born, already here, just waiting for us to come and get her. We listened carefully as Don helped us understand that situation. Now, I will back up, because already we have missed some very important points.
For some reason, each pregnancy – before we were able to find out… I knew what we were having. God whispered it in my heart. I don’t have an explanation, other than He is a kind God. He told me with each baby what to expect. It was never a surprise at the ultrasound. Adoption, though outside of my body, was never outside of my heart. In the same manner that God spoke to me about my biological children, He spoke to me about our precious adopted baby. I told Ken before we ever completed the paperwork that I believed we would be having a Hispanic-mix baby girl. I told several of my close friends, and my sister as well. So, as we spoke with Don, and he told us about our little girl, there was no surprise when he said that she was a Hispanic- mix baby girl. Ken hugged me very close to him as we listened on two different phones and we both just stood there in awe of the Lord. (Romans 2:4, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?”)
As we hung up the phone, we shared story after story (in about two minutes) of reasons that this was almost exactly as we thought it would be. I pass our adoption agency ever day on the way to take the kiddos to school. For the last two weeks I have thought “They could call today” every time I passed. There wasn’t an anxiety, or a pain in my heart… it was more of a matter-of-fact kind of thing. They could call… and I would pray for our birthmother and our baby until they did. I was walking through the store and it came to mind as I passed a pink sleeper to buy it… and then again as I passed a little girl Christmas stocking. I walked off, thinking I was a little loopy to be thinking of that. For heaven’s sake, we haven’t even gotten a call about a mother looking at our book…
I had hoped to meet our birthmom before she delivered. I wanted her to know so many things. I wanted her to understand how we pray for her all the time, and how important it is to me that we keep in touch with her. I wanted her to know that I think she is amazing for carrying the baby for nine months and then making such a self-less decision. I wanted to hug her, and laugh with her…just to take care of her some way. But, the Lord had other plans. (Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21)
The next few days were a whirlwind of events. The Lord was so gracious to us. I don’t understand why He loves us the way that He does. We laugh because nothing ever happens in our lives that happens to “normal” people. The daycares – not “normal” business purchases by any stretch of the imagination, but fully His hand. We are used to not being normal. I know some of you are laughing hard right now. But, it is true. We almost have grown to expect the unexpected. The next morning as we did our Bible study, I read the scripture in Psalms that says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 20:7.) The kids and I talked about the Lord’s Sovereignty, and even though we didn’t know exactly what our birthmom would choose, we KNEW that God was in control, and that He is trustworthy!!! We also read Psalm 111 and were reminded that everything that God does reveals His glory and majesty. Yes, Lord EVERYTHING. The good things, and the hard things. It blessed my heart to hear Jacob pray for our birthmom, and the situation… “and we know that if she gives her baby to us, you will reveal your glory and if she gives her baby to someone else you will reveal your glory…” Wow. Yes, Lord. Reveal your glory indeed!
We went to the hospital the night we got the call. We didn’t want to tell anyone why we were there, or what our intent was. We just simply went there because we knew our little girl was there, and we needed to pray for her – where she was. We couldn’t even get a glimpse of her, but we stood outside the window for a long time and just stared inside the glass. As we stood there, I reached down to put my hand on my stomach. I had the most enormous butterflies in my stomach. Ken looked at me and smiled. He said, “Welcome to my world. This is my fifth time to have these butterflies.” I hadn’t said a word, I had simply touched my hand to my stomach. And then, he said this… “every time one of our children is behind that glass, this is how I feel”. I just began to smile and cry. Yes, our little girl was back there, there was no doubt in our minds. It is precious to me that God would allow us to feel that. I will always treasure that feeling, those moments in the hospital before we could even see her. We stood outside the window and prayed (and cried) and then we left – with a certainty in our hearts that we would be back to get her. It was a precious (but hard) night.
The next several days seemed to drag on, and yet, seemed to go by so fast. I praise the Lord for the ways that He had prepared Ken and I for what would come next. Our bithmom had really leaned towards adoption, but then, at the end, she changed her mind, and there was the potential for one of her family members to take our little girl. We called all of our friends and asked them to pray. We knew in our hearts that we were to pray for her as our little girl. But, we asked if others couldn’t pray the same (that she would be ours), then they should pray the Lord’s will over her life. I can’t describe to you why we believed so strongly. I guess the Lord had done so many things to show us that she was ours we knew it would be sin to doubt Him. Maddy even showed me an entry in her prayer journal that was dated the day that Mia was born. It said, “Dear God, I pray for our birthmom, wherever she is. If she is in Texas, or in Bryan, Please keep her healthy. Amen.” Just as she was going to the hospital to have her, the Lord put her on my daughter’s heart. These things are precious to me. There are a hundred stories like that. I know that we can be afraid to presume upon the Lord… to think that our will is really His, but in this case, He made it very clear to me that I was to believe Him. (2 Samuel 7:28 "O Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your words are trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.") Nothing more and nothing less. He is God. He is not obligated to do anything just because I believe it to be true. But, He is God, and if He asks me to pray believing Him, then I had better listen. Matthew, Mark and John all talk about praying and believing. For the first time in my life I believed wholeheartedly for something that I didn’t yet have. I knew that my circumstances don’t change His character. I was not saying that if He didn’t do things the way I thought He would that He had messed up, or tricked me. But, He would not allow me to doubt at any level. He would not allow me NOT to presume that He is exactly who He says He is. I know the tricky part is that we are human and we make mistakes. We can be deceived… I can hear a whole list of reasons in my head why that is tricky. And if we ever say that God is less than who He is based on a circumstance in our life, then we have fallen away from the truth. Mia is His daughter first. He did not owe her to us. He was not obligated to give her to us. Just as at any moment He could take away any of our children, He could have her. But she was His gift to us. That we knew in our hearts. He made it so clear to me that I couldn’t hide behind “not presuming” – for me at that moment it would have been rooted in nothing less than doubt that He could do what He said He would. As in Acts 18:27, He gave me the grace to believe Him, and I will never forget it.
As the days unfolded, there were meetings. Meetings in which, it looked very slim for us to be getting her, even temporarily. We heard about things that just don’t happen. We heard one thing for fifteen minutes, and then we would get a call saying the exact opposite. And we prayed. We fasted as a family for the first time ever. My children were precious as I told them that they didn’t have to fast with me, but I invited them to. And each one of them decided not to eat breakfast! It was precious to me. They sought the Lord in prayer for their little sister… Oh there are many more things…
This is entirely long, and I could write for hours more, but I will close with two things. First, I will include a letter that I wrote to our precious little girl before we got the call that we were to come and get her. And secondly, I will end with a request.
My precious Mia,
I don’t know how to tell you what has gone on in your daddy’s and my heart over the last few days. Words seem inadequate to describe the certainty we have that you are our daughter. Even as I type this, I realize that I haven’t seen you. I haven’t heard you. I haven’t held you. But I know you are ours. I asked the Lord this morning if I could see you today. I want badly for you to know I am here… waiting just to hold you and love you and help you understand how loved you are.
Daddy and I came up to the hospital to pray over you. We wanted so badly to catch a glimpse of you… or hear your cry. As we stood in the window, I got butterflies in my stomach. Even my body knew you were close… so close. Daddy said very precious words to me then. As I put my hand on my stomach, he said to me that this was his fifth time to have those butterflies. And then he said this, “Every time one of my babies is in there, this is how I feel. And it doesn’t go away until I have them in my arms again.” Daddy and I are aching to hold you. I will always treasure that feeling, that moment… always…
It is amazing to me that God chose you before the creation of the world to be in our family. He chose you for us. He wrote you in our hearts long before we knew you. He chose your birthmother, Candice to carry you… to give you life. She wanted badly to raise you herself, but God made it clear that the most loving thing she could do for you was to place you in our arms. So, just as our arms ache to hold you now, her arms ache to hand you to us. She loves you, precious Mia.
She gave you the name Destiny. I smile as I think about the Lord’s hand in that. You have a wonderful destiny indeed, my daughter. God has chosen you. There is a great battle taking place in the heavenlies even now over your life. The enemy does not want you to come home. But, our God is the Almighty warrior and I am confident that you will be in my arms soon. I am praying that we can bring you home tomorrow. I cannot wait to see your eyes, comb you hair and touch your face. I want to see every inch of you – and memorize it. No matter what time in your life you read this, and no matter how many times… I want you to know that there is NEVER a reason to doubt that you were born to be our daughter. God does not make mistakes. You, my precious one were destined to be a child of God’s and our daughter. Never let the enemy steal that from you. You have a great heritage, both through your birthmother’s family, and now, praise the Lord – from ours.
We love you from the depths of our soul,
Mommy and Daddy
So, if you have read this far, and you haven’t fallen asleep, I will make a request of you. Mia is in our home, legally only temporarily. We are the substitute care providers. Our birthmom’s rights have not been terminated, so we are not technically in the adoption phase yet. PLEASE pray for our birthmom. None of us can understand her pain. We cannot understand how life has brought her to this place. I am asking that you would pray for God’s will for Candice and for our Mia. Please pray that the Lord’s will would be done and that His kingdom would come in Candice’s life. Pray that she will be lead only by Him, and that the enemy would not be able to lie to her. Pray that Mia’s life will be protected by the Lord – as it already has been. Thank you for the way that you love us. Thank you for praying for our birth mom. She is precious to us. If there is anything in you that holds something against her, please pray that the Lord will give you understanding and a compassion to love her. She is His creation. I am begging Him that she will become His child.
Please pray! We have received a call from our adoption agency. It is complicated. There is much warfare over this little one's life. Please take a minute and pray for her. Pray God's will over her life. Pray for His Kingdom to prevail in this situation. I have much more to share, but it isn't quite the time. Pray with urgency... and thank you for loving our family enough to do that. Can't wait to share more! Christy
okay, nobody be offended... there really isn't any new news. I am just letting everyone know that officially here. We are waiting. It is a beautiful time to wait on the Lord and ask Him to remind us daily that He is in control and knows the exact moment when we will meet our precious birthmom. So, nothing new, but each day is one day closer than we were before :) Keep praying for us - and especially for our birthmom. We cannot imagine her pain, her story... her ache. Love you all!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Listen to this, my friends...
"As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God beside the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn." Psalm 18:30-36
This is who my God is. Isn't it beautiful? Right now the daycare is under scrutiny from the State. There is a lot involved. They have crossed many lines, and are making life miserable for my sweet friends that are trying to work and trying to make the center great. It is a difficult time at best. It is hard to describe the pain that is in my heart over it. The business belongs to the Lord. It is His. What grieves me, is the thought that we may not be running it the way that He wants. But, as I seek Him, as I ask Him, I find that He doesn't find me lacking. I am not saying that I am perfect, just that He is clear with me that I am not supposed to jump in and "save the day" by working all day every day. But, because He is who He is... He constantly reminds me who I am. I am the beloved of the Lord. I have His right hand sustaining me. I am being trained for battle. And He has the victory already. These are assurances that I have in my heart. I am listening to a song right now that is the cry of my heart... Oh Jesus be the fire inside of me... Listen to these words...
You won’t relent until you have it all My heart is yours You won’t relent until you have it all My heart is yours
Come be the fire inside of me Come be the flame inside my heart Come be the fire inside of me Until you and I are one
Oh, Lord that is all I desire. I desire that you be the fire. You be the flame. Set my heart in your presence to where I literally desire nothing of the earth... only you Lord. My heart is ruined I tell you and I never felt more confident. He is the only thing worth living for. The only thing. I know that in and of itself can be offensive to you. What? You have four beautiful children and a wonderful husband. Yes, I do. I am the most blessed lady in the world! But, you must understand that if I live, it is for Christ alone, and to die is gain(Philippians 1:21). My life must become nothing to me, because then and only then will I gain everything! ("For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Luke 9:24-25)What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?) (Acts 20:24, Psalm 39:5) Some might think that is against Biblical standards... "you should love your family more than anything in the world".... You should want to live for them.... no, I want to live to teach them who the Lord is...anything more than that is idolatry. I love them with a love that I cannot describe... but I won't be here forever. The only One that will be with them forever is Christ... that is it! Our God will sustain them when I cannot. The only worth they will have in the years to come is the worth that they have in Christ. Times are changing, that is sure. But, we must take hold of that which cannot be taken from us!
So, the question of the hour seems to be “How was your trip?”
If only I had words to describe just how it was. It was beautiful. It was devastating. It was full of affirmation and hope… it was full of pain and disappointment. My heart was stirred to know Jesus in such a deeper way. My heart is ruined for this earth. I cannot enjoy the things that I used to without aching for the “more” that I know is there. I had forgotten that I was His beloved again. I knew it with all of my head, but I felt it with none of my heart. For years – literally- all I have known is what is already in my mind – truth about the Lord. I lost the “feeling” of worship many years ago. I have a quiet peace with it now. Thought it ruined me in the beginning. When I stand in worship – there is no feeling of the presence of the Lord. When I pray on my face before the Lord, there is no feeling of His presence. I KNOW He is there. It is not a question. He is with me always, every moment. I used to say my heart feels dead - broken. It does. Things that I think should make me cry – don’t. And things that never broke my heart before do. But, the greatest thing – the biggest truth is that God’s Word is true. He will never leave me, He will never abandon me. He is with me in every place, through every season. Whether I feel it or not. God does not lie. I saw men and women (young and quite old – American, Asian, Indian…) worshipping before the Lord with all of their might. I thought of David. I thought of Michal. My heart aches for those I know who have worshipped like that and are now sidelined by the enemy. I grieved… and I grieved. My heart aches for those who have never known worship like that…unashamed – really. I know the image of that 50-something, 4 foot 11 tall Asian man jumping before the Lord in worship will never leave my mind. It brought rivers of tears from my eyes. Do we not think that we will dance before the Lord in Heaven? Why do we run from His love? Why do we not embrace how He pursues us? His heart grieves over those who refuse to understand the depth of His heart toward them. For those who continue in their own way – even without direction from His voice, because of their desires to please men. Don’t they know that was the way of King Saul? I was devastated to look at all of the ways I pursue my own interests when He is only interested in how well I am loving Him, and as a result, loving others. I am realizing how much – though I know it isn’t true in my mind – I still feel like I have to work to gain His favor. I am learning to rest in Him again. To rest in His perfect love of my imperfect love. It is sweet. My heart was grieved to realize how many blessings and promises we are missing out on because we have placed our magnificent God in a box. A box labeled “RELIGION”. A box for the Pharisees who cannot grasp that there is no way to gain the favor of a holy God. Even the most well meaning of us have become Pharisees to some degree. We have taken hold of the lesser and are blindly groping for abundance. It doesn’t fit in the box. Abundance beckons us to come outside the box. I may be talking like I am out of my mind. I am really. I am slipping into a place of security in my Savior that I have missed for a long time. I am resting as He confirms things to my heart. I am listening as He speaks in the smallest whisper. He is talking to me again. He was only quiet to test my heart. In my mind, I didn’t pass… praise God that in His – I did. He sees my heart – and that is what is important to Him… my heart. Like David, He is seeking after the inside of me, not the outside of me. Praise Him that He looks at the inward appearance, and not the outward like man does. Oh, if we could just get a hold of that for real! I am coming out of the desert… like the Shulamite in Song of Solomon whose friends said, “Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover?” Yes, Jesus… I am leaning on you, and it is sweetness. So, that is how my trip was. There are many more things. My precious baby literally said, “Abba.” My heart lept. He was sleeping, soundly, and there was a cry from the pulpit, “Who of you will be a forerunner for this generation?” and I kid you not, his baby arm went flying into the air. The cry came a second time, and a second time his arms (both of them this time) went flying into the air. Would you believe me if I told you it happened more than twice. It doesn’t matter if you do or not, it is true. I know he was born to worship Jesus in a time of trial and devastation. He will lead men to worship before the Lord unashamedly. I am certain of this in my heart. I prayed for my children like never before and understood my role to prepare them for the times that are coming. Do not get me wrong, no one knows when the “end times” will begin. The judgements of God, and the rage of Satan. But, I know that we are to prepare them for it as if it will happen in their time. So that they can prepare their children – who if it is that far away can pass it on to the next generation. It is time to fear the Lord. It is time to recognize Him as a God who will bring Justice to the earth… and He will bring His judgments. Do we not remember the plagues? Do we think that He is less powerful now than He was then? I submit to you that He isn’t. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. My God is the Almighty God. There is much more, but I am afraid that I will run out of room to write! Praise God for the trip. Praise God from whom all blessings flow… Praise Him all creatures here below… Oh He is an amazing God! Praise God that my alabaster box is enough! Let the fragrance arise!
