Rejected and Despised

photo credit to: some sweet soul on pinterest

Tonight I am struck by Isaiah 53. 

I know we are in the season of preparation, expectation and waiting for the King of Kings to come and rescue us - to come and give us hope.  Indeed, it is a sweet time of waiting.  Waiting for our Humble King...

But, I am struck again and again at what it cost Him. 

I am reading in my NLT and I am seeing that “He was despised and rejected - a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief... We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way.  He was despised and we did not care.” (Isa. 53:3)  Yet it was our weaknesses He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down. (vs. 4)

It was me - it was my sin that weighed Him down.  It was because I was weak that He was rejected and despised.  I would have looked the other way - and He was suffering, not because of something He did, but because of the many things I would do that would keep me from God if He didn't take it upon Himself. 

Oh my heart is grieved at the thought of that!  Verse 5 says that “He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed.” 
He desires for me to be whole and healed.  Oh the thought of that... whole and healed.  Beautiful!

He was unjustly condemned.  Then, this sentence holds such beauty... “When He sees all that is accomplished by His anguish, He will be satisfied.”  This reminds me of, “and for the joy set before Him, He endured the cross...” (Heb. 12:2).  He is satisfied, even rejoices in the accomplishment of that anguish - of that rejection, of that grief!! 

That is so contrary to man!  I know myself.  I know that I do not enjoy being despised and rejected - no matter what it accomplishes!  In fact, over the last few years the Lord has shown me how greatly I am disrupted not to have the approval of man - in any area of my life.  I love to love - and I love to be loved.  I do not love to be rejected.  I do not love to be unjustly condemned.  These are things that I fight with everything I have against.  This would not be something that brought me joy - or satisfaction.  But, He knew.  He knows...  There was no other way.  I could never have been enough.  I couldn’t do it.  (Isaiah 64:6, “...all our righteous acts are like filthy rags...” and Romans 3:10, “There is no one righteous... No not one.” and Ro 3:20 which says that,  “no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands.  The law simply shows us how sinful we are.” 

Amen. 

I will never be righteous like the Pharisees.  I am just not that disciplined.  Seriously, I can't even "diet" very well.  I can’t follow all those rules.  It gets far too heavy.  I am not excusing my sin - merely pointing out the obvious.  I am sinful.  I need a Savior - both for salvation and for the daily walking out of my faith.  Desperately!  Sometimes I am still shocked at the depth of my own darkness.  Sometimes I am still so disappointed that I can not walk perfectly.  He is so worthy!  He is so very worthy!!!  But, Jesus knew I couldn’t - and you couldn’t either.  And, He counted it as joy - and declared his anguish as satisfactory because of what it accomplished.  I do not understand love like that.  I do not possess love like that apart from Christ.  Truly, He alone can stir our hearts to love in such a selfless way. 

“And because of His experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for He will bear all their sins.”  Because of His love.  Because He was willing to be rejected over and over and considered a rebel - I can know eternity with a perfect and Holy God.  That is stunning.  Simply stunning. 

He has captured my heart.  I am ravished in my heart for a love like that.  A love that is willing to endure so much pain and suffering - so that I could have peace.  Whew. 

What a Savior!  What a King!  “O Come let us adore Him.  O come let us adore Him. O come let us adore Him. Christ the Lord.”

Three little words...

I don't know.

More and more I am finding that I come to God saying "I don't know".  I actually am finding that there is freedom in that.  To know that I don't know - but He does.  To know that there are things I cannot make sense of - but, it doesn't matter.  God doesn't ask me to know or be able to explain the deep and hidden mysteries.  He asks me to love Him.  He asks me to love others.  He asks me to tell others that He loves them.  He asks me to obey Him.  He is surely far beyond my understanding.  And, I am okay with that. 

I haven't always been. 

I have said I understood things that I couldn't possibly have understood.  I have wounded those that were already wounded because I didn't understand, and yet, claimed that I did.  But, by His grace, and through His mercy, I have had the opportunity to see the ways I was hurting the Lord by hurting those who loved Him that I didn't understand or agree with. 

I have a dear friend... one whom I prayed with, one whom I loved deeply.  I did not fully understand her situation, nor did I fully understand what the Word had to say to her... and when she was wounded, I wounded her further by my lack of love.  I thought I was loving her - through rebuke.  I really did.  I thought that I would "straighten her out" with the Word.  How arrogant I was to think that I understood her situation or that I was telling her something she hadn't already searched out for herself.  We hadn't talked in many years.  Essentially, I told her she would have to forgo my friendship in order to walk in the path she was headed in.  And, I have only just realized this month how much I owed her an apology.  My heart ached at the ways I wounded her when all she really needed was someone to lean on.  Someone to tell her that God is enough.  God is able to heal and to help and to rescue. 

I had the privilege to find her this past week and tell her how sorry I was, and to ask her to forgive me.  And, she had the grace to forgive me.  That is the goodness of the God we serve.  I was wrong.  I asked for forgiveness and she extended it to me.  I love her - and I am thankful that God alone carried her through her trial.  She is stronger and even more full of grace than before. 

I want to be one who brings words of life and healing and hope to people who are broken... I don't want to bring death with my words.  I don't want pride to stand in the way anymore.  Though, I am confident that God wants us to speak the Truth in love, and to call sin - sin... I am going to pray more than I speak (hopefully) and use my words to build up rather than tear down. 

I am human.  I am so very flawed.  I sin every single day.  I am selfish.  I am prideful.  I am weak.  I am wounded - and I wound others.  And there is still so much that I don't know.  The beauty of salvation is not that I will never struggle with sin - or that I have become perfect - it is that I have the encouragement and the ability to never stop struggling against sin.  I want to wage war on the sin in my life - and encourage others to do the same.  I want to rest that the work has already been done for my salvation.  But, to live in such a way to speed the coming of the Eternal King (2 Peter). 

I heard it put this way, and I love it - so I will share it.  Both sheep and pigs end up in the mud.  But, there is a distinct difference to their response.  Sheep struggle and kick and fight to get out and pigs wallow and roll and fight to stay in.  The farmer can come to rescue both of them, and the sheep will be thankful for the help out - and have a real desire not to get back in... but the pigs return to the mud as quickly as they can - because they love to be covered in filth.  As believers, we are not lovers of sin that struggle with God.  We are lovers of God that still struggle with sin.  The really important question is not do you struggle with sin - it is do you struggle to love God?  The beauty of being a believer is the ability to admit when you mess up.  Not the inability to admit you mess up.  

These are just things I have been thinking of and there is much more... but for now, I will leave it at that.  Love God and struggle against sin.  And, I encourage you, when you have sinned against someone - tell them that is the case, and ask for their forgiveness.  No matter their response, you can walk forward knowing that your humility will be noted by the One that matters, and ultimately, you will have done more for the Kingdom that you could ever do while you are in pride.

Blessings to you on this beautiful day.

Before we even ask...

More and more lately I am in awe of God and His provision.

He knows what we need before we even ask.  He is not caught off guard by any of our circumstances.  He is not surprised by any event that happens in our lives.

He is not angry and ready and waiting to beat us down when we mess up.  He is, rather, sitting - ready and willing to show us how to live in abundance when by earthly standards, we would be labeled in poverty. 

I so prefer His abundance to the world's.  I mean it.

Last night I was talking with my oldest - Jake.  I was telling him how we couldn't travel for Thanksgiving because I need four new tires before we can go anywhere that far away.  I told him it wasn't in the budget at all this month, but I would get tires before Christmas.
He looked at me and said, "Are you sure we will have the money before then?"  I had to be honest.  I told him that I didn't know how we would have the money, but God knows everything we need before we even ask.  I also told him that God loves to bless us in only the way He knows how... and that if we are supposed to be traveling by car at Christmas God would provide what we need.  This morning, I walk out to find a beautiful fall display - and inside - a jar... full to the top with coins, and beside it "Aladdin" which just happens to be in my top 5 Disney movies of all time - and one that we don't already own!  What???

You cannot imagine how excited I was to go wake Jake up and tell him about it - actually, I let Jared... after we both sat with our mouths open for a while.  It hadn't even been 12 hours and we had the money for 2 (maybe 3) of the four tires - and fruit roll-ups and a GREAT movie.

We sorted the money tonight and all took turns (including Jude and Mia) praying a blessing over the someone/someones who put that gift together for us.  I pray that they can somehow know how God used their gift to drill into my kids hearts the very Faithfulness of the God we serve.  It was amazing to watch them grasp His love to our family through that gift. 

I was overwhelmed.  I am so thankful.  I do not doubt that God will provide for our every need.  Month to month it gets a little uncomfortable.  But, more than once my yellow gas light has come on, and I have not known how we were going to put gas in the car - and when I get to my office, there is a little envelope on the floor with money for the tank.  More than once, I have been uncertain by the middle of the month how we would make it to the end- and yet, every single day God proves Himself Faithful.  He knows what we need before we ask - and He knows EVERYTHING we need.  He knows every desire in our hearts.  He knows every thought before we think it.  We are fully known by Him, and we are fully loved.

This song came to mind this morning as I stood and stared at the sweet wooden word "FAITH" that was included in our basket of love...

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son to make a wretch His treasure...

Praise His name - His holy name.  He is righteous and loving in all that He does. 

Seriously, a political post - from me?

Oh dear. 

I don't speak my views on FB or Twitter on politics very often, or at all.  I talk about Jesus, because I am deeply in love with Him.  I talk about God because He has always been Faithful to me.  He is good and everything He does is good.

I will not be sharing who I am voting for here.  So, if you are curious... well, you will just have to stay that way.  I will not be condemning you for how you vote either.  I will not stand before God for you, nor will you stand before God for me, so in those things, I say - you must vote your conscience.  If you have a clear conscience before God, then you should vote according to that - and I would caution - only according to the whole Word of God.

Here are the top three things I hear that I despise.  Truly, I despise these things when I hear them:

1.  "I am voting for the lesser of two evils."  What does God think about that?  Not that I know the mind of God - His ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are far above my own.  But, I don't think that He distinguishes the lesser of two... I think He just calls all evil, evil. 

2.  I don't want to "throw my vote away", so I have to vote for one of the two main candidates.  When you stand before the Lord, you will not give answer for who was elected.  You will give answer for who you voted for.  Did you choose God's man - based on the things you can't see on the outside, or did you choose the one that looked so good on the outside, but who had already been rejected by God?  Surely, my vote will not get the man elected President - but  when it was time to appoint a King, after Saul had grieved the Lord and lost His annointing, God had Samuel go to the House of Jesse.  He said that the new King would come from that family.  When Samuel asked Jesse to bring out all of his sons, David was not among those standing there.  For all practical purposes, he was a "throw away vote".  Samuel went down the whole line of sons - and God spoke very clearly that the one He had chosen was not present.  So, Samuel asked Jesse - do you have any more sons?  Jesse then sent for David and we know the rest.  God does not get swayed by the media.  Nor, does He go with the popular vote.  David was smelly, tending sheep in the pasture.  Likely, he needed a good scrubbing - and he did not appear to be a strong King.  Yet, God set His endorsement on David, even calling him a man after God's own heart.  Whew.  I'll take THAT endorsement ANY day over the endorsement of the media, or any other man.

3.  "I am just not going to vote."  The one thing I will tell you is that we are responsible to do that which we can to contribute to the fate of our nation.  I have but one vote, but I do believe it is my moral responsibility to use that vote and to the best of my ability cast it for God's man.  Not the man that professes with his own mouth to be a Christian... who will ultimately lead millions to Hell.  Nor the man that cares not for the sanctity of human life.   But, for the man upon whom God has given His approval.

Search it out for yourself.  Do the research and come to a place that you can stand confident in your decision.  There are not only two candidates - no matter what the media says.  Don't complicate something that God has made simple.  God does not hold us responsible for the fate of our nation and the result of the election.  He only wants our faithfulness for that which we possess - our vote.  

I know this topic can be "heated" - however, this blog is not the place to bite or devour one another based on your beliefs and opinions.  Please do not tear down a person or a candidate here.  I will remove that type of post.  This is not for us to judge one another.  Simply be concerned with your responsibility and leave it to the One who can judge fairly for everybody else.  And that is all I have to say about that!! :)

Love y'all... 
   

they will know we are Christians by our love...

Some days you know just what to expect. 

You wake up, get ready for work, hurry everyone out the door (with their shoes on, hopefully), and head off to start your day - just like normal.

Some days, you are caught off guard.

You wake up, get ready for work, hurry everyone out the door (shoes are all on) and when you get to work you find something you hadn’t expected.  An envelope of blessing.  An envelope with your name on it, with something that meets a deep need inside. 

I can’t imagine my life without God.  Honestly, I know it was HIS Spirit that laid it on someone’s heart to drop that precious envelope in the mail slot at my work.  No way for me to repay - or even thank.  Just an envelope, filled with a blessing for my family.  God is amazing - and His people who allow themselves to be used as His hands and feet with no way to be known, well that just is summed up like this.  “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  John 13:34-35.

A disciple is one that follows after and models the behavior of their teacher.  That is my definition.  But, you get what I mean. 

Jesus always saw the need - the broken place, the thing that other people didn’t see from looking at the outside.  He saw their deepest point of need, and He met people right there.  Today, Jesus is not walking on the Earth.  But, when He went to Heaven, He sent “The Counselor”  the Holy Spirit to guide and lead us.  Now, every Believer has that Spirit inside.   Every believer has access to “insider” information.  When we walk in step with the Spirit, He whispers things to us ~ and if we listen we can be a blessing to other people.  That is what happened in my day - first thing today.  Someone was listening, and God spoke to them a deep need in our family.   How cool is that? 

It is sometimes really difficult to remember that He sees it all.  God knows every cry of our heart.  And, He always wants our good.  In fact, Psalm 119:68 says “He is good and everything He does is good.”  There is nothing bad in His character.  Nothing.  He is good.  The thing is, He sees the things we cannot.  He knows four days from now, four years from now, forty years from now.  He knows.  We can only see today and that which is behind us.  When we focus on our situation, it distorts everything, much like a fun-house mirror.   But, when we focus on who HE is - even in the middle of our situation, it brings a truer image.  That is when we can trust, because He is altogether trustworthy.  Perfect love casts out all fear.  If we could understand that He loves us perfectly, we would not be afraid - ever.  We would remember that He never sleeps, He never slumbers.  He never stops seeing our deepest need. 

This was the second time this week that someone in my life - another believer (actually 2) - reached out and blessed my family in an extremely tangible way.  They had no idea how desperate the need was.  They couldn’t have.  But, my God knew - He saw  - and He acted on our behalf. 

I desperately want to be so in tune with the Holy Spirit, so in tune that I could be used in a tangible way every day to meet someone right at their point of need.  It is within the realm of possibilities - because Nothing is impossible with God. 

Today, ask God to give you insight into someone’s life - ask Him to reveal ways that you can be a blessing to others.  You were created for a purpose.  We all have a purpose - but if we focus on ourselves we will lose our destiny.  We will miss out on the opportunity to fulfill that purpose.  Live with a purpose.  Make decisions to ask the One who sees everything what He has that is good for you - even if you feel like it doesn’t make a lot of sense.  Tell a stranger that they are beautiful.  Pay for the person’s coffee that is coming behind you in the line if you are able to.  You won’t regret it.  And, don’t forget to give the reason for the Hope that you have.  :)

If, by some slim chance my friends who have blessed my family just this week read this... I want you to know that I am praying a blessing over you - a hundred fold.  God has seen- and He has your reward, a reward far greater than I could repay.  I praise Him for your obedience.  I praise Him for you.  He is altogether good to me.

the war within...

Even as I read I can feel the presence of the Lord beside me.

He is always kind, and whispers Truth.  He does not shout or condemn.  He is tender and compassionate.  He grieves with me as I mourn the losses I have had in my life.  Yet, He rejoices with me that I have a greater destiny.  I have a hope in something truer than this which I am living in now.  I have a desire for the living waters - and in this He tells me I will be satisfied. 

But, there is an ache.  It is an ache inside because of the depravity that lives within my mortal body.  The depravity that seeks my own comfort and temporary love more than it seeks the will of the One who created me.  Great sadness fills my heart as I realize that I do not fully seek redemption for those who have wounded me.  I am wounded - and there is a piece of me that still shouts “Retreat!”  “Pull Back”  “Do not fully invest yourself or your love - it is not worth it.”  "Let God exact His justice!  The justice that this situation demands."At the same time, I realize the naivete’ of that. 

To say that this life isn’t about my life is one thing, but to walk it out as so... Well, that is entirely another. 

So. Much. Loss. 

My heart is grieved to not know the delight of walking with my mother as an adult - she who brought me forth from the womb.  Never has a mother been more loving or kind.  Never has a another encouraged and believed in me like my mom.  Why, my Jesus did I have such few years with her?  Oh, how I long for her hug.  Her arms - strong and so tender at the same time.  Her eyes compassionate and full of hope.  Her smile that brought forth joy from the deepest pits of despair.  Her counsel - so full of wisdom and understanding.  What joy to be cut from that cloth.  What a gift to have been so deeply loved by her.  And what pain is in the loss of such a dear friend.

So. Much. Pain.

And, yet, I am able to say that even now, there is an abundance that marks my life that is staggering.  To see the Lord walking beside me in a manner that is undeniably Him.  To watch the movements around my life that are orchestrated by the One who called me - who chose me - who pulls me constantly out of the darkness and into the light.  It makes my heart reel with desire for the life that awaits us still. 

The truth is I want so badly to be known on the earth.  To be known by those who spend time with me.  But, that is not a harmless desire.  I am already fully known.  To desire from man, that which God has already established by Himself within me, is idolatry.  He would whisper to me, “Why is it not enough that I know you fully?”  “Why is there something more you desire than the fellowship of my Spirit?”  “Who can fill you, heal you, help you like I can?”  And my reply is that I am at war with myself.  This earth is passing away.  The time of His coming is nearer now than ever before.  He is coming for us.  He is jealous for us, and we are distracted by the lures of this world... The desires of flesh on the earth - and how do they compare?  They don’t compare.  The answers are these:   there is nothing more precious than the fellowship of the Spirit and there is no one who can fill, heal and help me as He can.  The Truth is that I have all that I need.  The Truth is that He has so much more to reveal, to share, to bestow - if only I will crucify the flesh and its desires for that which is lesser.

My heart is stirred by a noble theme indeed...  I am intoxicated by the beauty of the Lord.  And, yet, I am sobered by the reality of how far my heart still is from that which He desires for me.  Redemption - not a reckoning.  Truth in love - not delighting in the stumbling’s of the one who has wounded me repeatedly.  It is so hard to make your heart compliant - when it is still bleeding.    It is so difficult to allow love to come through when hate is standing at the door banging - really almost demanding to come in.  It is so wondrous that God can do that (allow love to heal that which hate demands to destroy) if only we are willing for Him to do that which He desires with our lives.  Truly, nothing is impossible for Him. 

Today, I am asking for Him to do that which He desires in my life - with my life - no matter what that means.  I am begging Him to see, to hear, to act - and this I know with all my heart.  He has seen.  He has heard.  And, He is moving.  His timing is beyond my understanding.  But, He will not stop until His will is on earth as it is in Heaven. 

That is what I am asking. 

Fully God. 

Not His mercy.... Not His wrath... Just the fullness of Him.  Right now.  Whatever that looks like.  I am praying and believing that He will sustain me.  He will uphold me with His righteous right hand.  I am hiding in the shelter of His magnificent wings.  It is here I will rest - though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death - even still, He will prepare a place for me- in the presence of mine enemies that I can be comforted by His rod and His staff.  What a Shepherd!  What a King! 

May the grace of God go before you today to prepare a quiet place of rest for your weary heart.  May the peace of God give you comfort in a time of great distress.  May the joy of God become your strength today.  He who has called you is able to do that which He purposed for you from the very beginning of time.  Trust Him.  He is trustworthy and true.  Forever and ever - He will be Faithful.

Steadfast Love

For the last month and a half the Lord has revived a song in my heart that I didn’t even remember was tucked away in there.  It had been 19 years or more since I heard it.  But, now that He has brought it back to my mind - it offers me life all day long.  The words are these:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning, new every morning,
Great is Thy faithfulness, oh Lord.
Great is Thy faithfulness.

Indescribable, how those words bring such Truth and Life to my weary soul.  I remember again for the millionth time this week just typing them, that His love towards me never stops.  He is so faithful.  He is so merciful.

This week was filled with too many activities.  Too much stuff that takes my eyes off the main thing.  But, through it all, He was right there.  He was reminding me these three things over and over:

 He sees me.  (Nothing is hidden from His sight)
 He knows me.  (I am fully known)
 He loves me.  (steadfastly, wholly, completely loved.)

He is the God who sees.  El Roi.  (See Heb. 4:13 & Jeremiah 23:24)  Nothing in all creation is hidden from His sight.

He is the God who fully knows me, because He created me in the secret place.  (Psalm 139:15) and He knows every move I will make before I make it. ( Psalm 139:5 &  119:168)

His love is unfailing.  (Psalm 13:5, 32:10, 33:18, 36:7)  There are too many to list!!! 

I don’t know what you are going through right now.  But, I know the One who does.  I cannot imagine the depth of the ache in your heart.  But God knows and sees all of your tears - all of the pain hidden in the darkness of your heart -  and He records your tears - Psalm 56:8.  He does not delight in your grieving.  He mourns with those who mourn. 

How deep the Father’s love for us.  How vast beyond all measure.  That He would give His only Son to make this wretch His treasure.  (another fabulous reminder through song).

Friend, I promise you His Word is true.  He is Almighty God, Faithful and True.  Loving and merciful beyond all we can imagine. 

Three times this week - when I have needed it most - He has whispered to me “I see you.  I know you.  I delight in you.”

Many times this week, He has placed a song in my heart.  A song of thankfulness.  A song of adoration. 

He is worthy.  He is worthy of all my tears.  He is worthy of all my pain.  He is worthy - and I am begging that He would receive honor and glory and praise in increasing measure in my life.  Whatever it looks like, I trust Him.  I trust in His unfailing love.  My heart rejoices in His salvation. 

There is no one like my God.  No one.   

If you need someone to depend on, someone who will always know your heart - and love you - I would love to tell you more about Jesus.  I would love to share with you His faithfulness in my life.  Lean into Him.  He can handle anything you have going on.  He is not taken by surprise by anything you are facing.  Your circumstance - no matter how big it looms over you - does not determine His ability to carry you through it.  He is able.  He is stronger.  He loves you and wants to show His love to you. 

Blessings on your week this week.  May His face shine upon you.