Laundry Follow-up...

Okay,

I am not taking much time here, because though I have a lot I could say, I am ready to get some quiet time in!!  So, here we go:

1.  I am definitely making the switch permanently (as long as we are doing laundry for more than 3 people)

2.  It is certainly going to save us hundreds of dollars a year.
3.  I have an HE machine - and there have been NO suds alerts - which means it is working well, and is not jeopardizing my machine's health. 
4.  I will increase the amount of soap I use in the next batch - because I want a little more fragrance.  The fragrance is very nice, and very light - and for people who's children have allergies, I think this would be something amazing to try.  But, I love fragrance.  So, I will be doing a bar and a half, not just a bar in my next 4.5 gallon batch. 
5.  My clothes smell clean - and they look clean.  I like that.
6.  I have put it to the real test.  The first load was peed on sheets and nightclothes.  Yuck.  I didn't even rinse them first, and they actually came out cleaner than they used to when I did rinse first, then wash with store-bought.  I was impressed.  I have a good sniffer, and I can't stand the "musty" smell on my clothes when the kids have had accidents.  There was NO musty smell, just a clean - ready to use smell.
7.  We then had an accident of unprecedented proportions.  I am not joking.  One of my children caught a tummy bug and had a different accident.  A full accident in the jeans.  All the way down the legs, there was not a spot untouched by the (horrible) smell and "deposit".  Three times during the rinsing I almost threw up.  (Just being honest here).  After fully hosing them out - I did the rinse cycle on the washer.  Let's face it - I'm not playing around with this.  I even added a touch of bleach to the rinse cycle so that it could kill the stuff....  Then, I washed like normal - and then I did the ultimate smell test on them before I put them in the dryer.  Wow.  I know they are clean.  They don't smell frilly - with a hint of yuck - they actually just smell clean. 

So, there it is.  My certain approval.  I will tweak the recipe (I had actually used more water and less soap than was stated in the original recipe).  Now, on to time with Jesus - and if I have time left over, I will put a new post up about what the Lord stirs in my heart.  See ya!

You won't believe this...

So, I decided to get all domestic.  Yep, that's right - give me a (frilly) apron and some applause!  :)

I made laundry detergent. 

We have 7 people in our family.  That means 7 bodies with laundry constantly running.  To operate our home, it takes about 2 loads a day - on a good day.  We're pretty serious about clean undergarments around here.  However, that makes for a lot of laundry, and therefore, a lot of detergent... and it's not getting any cheaper.  So, I'm gonna tell you how I did it, and then I will show you pictures... and then you can try it yourself.  I'm pretty excited about this. 

I usually buy laundry detergent for around $7 - very cheap from walmart.  I get around 100 loads for $7.  That's not horrible (compared to the $25 per 120 loads I used to spend on Tide.)  I still love the smell of Tide, but right now saving funds is more important for our family. 

This wasn't hard at all, and if I did my calculations right, we will have essentially 30 bottles of detergent for the price of 3.  I spent $28 (to have it shipped to my house) and I have already gotten 350 loads of laundry detergent out of it (which is 3 bottles of detergent).  The picture on the right is actually of the bottles I refilled with my homemade concoction.  I have used essentially 1/10 of the boxes of dry stuff... so I have good reason to believe that I will have paid less than $1 per 120 loads of laundry.  That is what I call saving money.  So here is the important stuff - the stuff you need to make it...

1/2 cup Borax  (20 mule team)

1 cup Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda

1 bar of soap (you pick - I got Lever 2000 with aloe)

a 5 gallon bucket

a 4qt. pan

4 cups boiling water

Essentially, you start 4 cups of water boiling in a 4 qt. pan.  Then, grate the soap like cheese (the finer the better - you will be melting it).

 

Once you have grated it, you put a handful at a time in the boiling water and stir.  Wait til that is melted and then add another handful until it is all gone.  You will have a soapy "soup" when it all melts.   

At this point, I turned off the flame and left the pot sitting for a second while I put about 2 gallons of water in the 5 gallon bucket and stirred in the borax and the arm and hammer washing soda.  I did it with hot water because I felt like it would mix better with hot water than cold??  I am happy with the results, so I recommend it.  Then, I added the soapy soup mix to the 5 gallon bucket.  I stirred the whole concoction for about 2 minutes to get it stirred up and added several more gallons of hot water.  I went ahead and "bottled" the soupy mix right away while it was all stirred up good.  I left enough room in each container to shake it before use.  Now, I wait 24 hours to see exactly what level of "slime" it will become.  I have heard sometimes it is slimy, and sometimes it is "lumpy".  It depends on several factors - that I don't care to understand (sorry for those of you who want those details.... google it.)  :)

I will shake my mix each time for the next several days before I use it.  I have also heard that you can create a "powder" mix from the same ingredients by shaving the soap and then leaving it to dry out - and then crushing it to a powder.  Mix it all together and then measure it out - I would have to do the math on this... essentially you would weigh it and divide by 350 to see how many tablespoons of powder to use.  Again, you can google it if you prefer powder.

I just think this is a great idea... and I am super hoping that my clothes smell better than ever.  I WILL let you know!   

A Holy Tension

photo credit to Carlos Gutierrez

Lately I have been manic-depressive, or in today’s terms - bi-polar. 

Truly, I have been tossed back and forth between the truth that I know in my mind about God and His plan and love and care of me - and this woman; fleshy - full of needs and wants and hopes- some rooted and grounded in truth and others rooted in this thing inside that says I deserve now to be loved as I will be in glory. 

It is a unique thing to know that the truth is the truth - and to know that I am being confused, but being completely unable to discern the depth, or the starting point of that thing that confuses me.  I think I am more confused now than when I went to type that.  : /

You see, I believe that I am already loved as deeply as I ever will be - the fullness of the love of God is already mine to hold.  He will never love me more than He does right now.  Because His love is perfect.  It doesn’t grow for me, because it is already the fullness of love itself.  It is a perfect - unchanging love.  It is in itself already whole and pure - there is NO MORE that I have to strive for, to earn, or yearn for.  The fullness is mine.  HOWEVER, I am mandating - in my own way - that human people love me the way that my God loves me.  I am mourning that I am not loved in the same fullness by the people of the earth as I am by my God.  I am wanting to hold this thing that is not mine to hold.  I am desiring to be filled by one who was not created to fill me.  It has caused me great pain, and I would like to think that the awareness of that fact is liberty - when truly the liberty is not in the knowing, but in the actions that flow from the knowledge.  Whew... My mind is reeling... Just reeling over this.

I am so prideful.  I have been so full of sin in my heart and the knowledge that that is true is in itself not liberty.  It is the response to that knowledge that holds freedom for me.  This quote is so simple, and yet so rich.  It seems like, a “duh” statement, but at the same time, truly comprehending the fullness eludes me.  Listen to it... (it is like God is saying), “I want you to do your part, but I don’t want you to exaggerate what your part produces.”  Staggering.  I produce nothing.  Not one thing.  I have been created for a purpose, and He will produce fruit from that which He has called me to, but it is His fruit.  The fruit is not from me, or of me, but being allowed to come through me by His hand.  I produce nothing.  I value what I have to say too much.  I expect others to want me to share it - to want to hear what I have to say...  and yet, He has given me a message that is to be shared - at all cost - because He has comforted me so that I can comfort others.  What in the world do you do with all that?  I am created for a purpose, but it is not my purpose that matters - or even my obedience - because in the grand scheme of things, He doesn’t need me.  He could use anyone or anything to bring about what He desires.  So, in one hand, He has given me a great gift on this earth - to have purpose, to be chosen, and on the other hand, He wants me to remember that it is His plan that will prevail.  It is His worth that matters - not my own.  I want to embrace humility, and yet, I cannot on my own even be humble.  YIKES.  I am a bit of a mess today.  That is certain. 

I am not sure if I am even making sense.  My knowledge tells me - it even demands that I repent before the Lord - declaring my perception of my self worth as an atrocity to His great Name.  It is.  It is absolutely ridiculous how highly I see myself.  And yet, He declares me worth the blood of His Son.  If I could get on my face and repent and mean it - I could be healed.  He could rend my heart and mend it back.  But I am going to be honest with you.  At this moment, my heart is not torn.  I am not nearly as unsettled as I need to be in this.  My discomfort has made me desire comfort in a way that I should be unnerved by.  And, in places, I am unnerved.  But, in places, I am still longing to be comforted - and surrendering to the idea that I deserve to be.  Oh Jesus help me.

I have much more in my heart - in my head, but for now...  I must shut it all down and run to the Word to see what jewels He has there.  What things He will tell me in the still and quiet moments that will rend my heart.  His Word is alive and living and able to pierce even the hardest of hearts - including mine. 

Emmanuel - let it be.  Emmanuel.  God be with me.  Rend my heart - until it is yours, fully yours.    

Holy Ground... or a stumbling block?

I know it is shocking... but I LOVE to worship Jesus through song.

Love it.

Some Sundays, I kick off my shoes to worship in the sanctuary.  I do it at my seat, or on the stage, wherever I am.  Sometimes I need to be reminded that where I am standing is Holy ground.  Sometimes I need to remember that worship is not at all about me, or my voice, or how much I love to sing.  So, sometimes, my shoes must leave my feet and I use that "symbol" to remind me that I am on Holy ground.  I am in the presence of the Almighty God.   

To me, Worship is about remembering that God is worthy of the whole mess of our lives.  He is worth risking everything - even losing everything if He can gain glory in the midst of it all.  He is worthy.  Worship serves as a reminder to me, and it is an offering to Him.  Worship is not about the posture of my body, but the posture of my heart.  It isn't about the position of my hands, but rather the position of my spirit.  


Rarely am I offended.  I will be honest here.  I used to be offended all the time.  I wore my heart on my sleeve and was easily hurt by the words and actions of others.  My pastor loved me enough to tell me that the reason I was like that was because I was full of PRIDE.  He was right.  I was so concerned with myself - and thought everyone else should be too.  I had to spend some time evaluating how my hurt feelings made me prideful - but in a backwards way - it is just a reality.  Anyway, since that time, I have practiced the art of capturing my thoughts.  And I have determined, there just really isn't much to get offended about.  No one has to like me.  No one has to go out of their way for me.  God through Jesus has already proven to me that I am loved, and I have been sacrificed for.  The ultimate gift, the ultimate love already resides with me - through Jesus - and that is more than sufficient for me.  So, why waste energy and time giving power to other people (in my mind) that they shouldn't hold over me?   I know this is a long train of thought, but stick with me here...


I was offended on Sunday.  But, it has served a great purpose.  


Someone went to the sound crew after the first service and asked them to tell the worship leader to ask me to put my shoes on during worship.  Now, granted, I was on the stage, so it would have been noticeable to more people that I wasn't wearing shoes - it wasn't that my feet stunk (I hope)...  but something deep inside of me burned - red hot.  At first, I really was pretty sure it was a righteous anger - and some of it might have been.  Here is the thought process...


"How dare you!  How dare you stand and tell someone how they should position themselves before the Lord?  How dare you not come to me directly?  How dare you stand in this worship center and be focused on anything other than God... seriously, whether or not I wear shoes affects your worship experience?  Why are you here if you are going to focus on something besides God?"  

Then, I reasoned with myself - "become all things to all men.. to the Jews a Jew, to the Greeks a Greek..."  and I had this prideful thought, "He didn't say, 'to the Pharisees a Pharisee'"... or did He not mean that when He said all thing to all men?  

Oh, wait.


Yep, there it was.  My flesh - all out there to deal with.  It was brought to my attention right before the second service, so it was after I had already offended this person with the absence of my shoes,  but, right before it was time to honor my King through song.  And I was groping for Truth.  I was flailing around in my mind trying to come around to right thinking - and being mad that my worship was being invaded by someone else's opinions.  


Don't get me wrong, I had already put my shoes on for second service.  Praise the Lord, He reminded me of this - "submit therefore to one another out of reverence for Christ."  It is all about revering Christ, so those shoes were going on my feet.  I literally didn't want my shoes to make someone else stumble.  But, I am still so uncertain of the correct way to approach this.  I have had a jumbled up mixture of these thoughts:


*  I am only in worship to worship the Almighty God - He alone determines my response in worship.
*  I am to submit to fellow believers out of reverence for Christ.
*  I will worship as I am lead by the Spirit 
*  I will consider others better than myself
*  I will not let any person tell me how I should worship
*  I will become all things to all men so that some might be saved.


So, how far do you take that?  On either end?  I love to raise my arms in worship, but if I know it is causing others to stumble do I not do it?  I believe Paul would say, "By no means!"  Authentic worship draws people to Jesus.  It is not about showmanship.  It is not about pretense, or posture.  It is about a relationship that elicits a response.  Some days, that means I dance around a little, some days that means I raise my hands, sometimes it means I get on my face, and sometimes it means I don't sing at all.   

But, dare I take my shoes off again in worship?  I don't know why the person was offended - or mentioned this.  Maybe they thought that I was irreverent for not wearing shoes.  Maybe, it was offensive to them because it seemed dishonoring to God.  I don't know.  For heaven's sake, I wish they would have come and talked to me.  But, here are some things I have gleaned from this...


* Maybe sometimes when I took my shoes off it was more of a symbol and less of an attitude in my heart. That is something to work out in my mind for sure.  
* Maybe sometimes - in my own pew - I will kick off my shoes after all.
* Maybe sometimes it is okay to adjust my posture to show my affections to Christ through submission to another brother or sister in the body.
* Maybe sometimes I will worship without considering anyone but the Almighty God and my affections for Him.
* Maybe it is time to address this idea of Worship in a corporate setting.  Maybe our focus needs some refocusing.  
* Maybe, in the long run, I am better off because I had to wrestle - right there on the stage (and much at home as well) - with this offense.  
* Maybe, in the long run, it doesn't really matter where my shoes are as long as my motive is pure.
* God knows the thoughts before we have them, the needs before we say them, and the deeds before we do them.  He alone can judge the hearts of men.
* What is your motive in worship?  Is it to sing on cue, on pitch, and "look the part" - or is it to simply be in awe of the One who made all the heavenly hosts?  Is it to tell God that He is ever faithful and good and right and trustworthy?  
* On a day to day basis, worship might just be spelled M-O-T-I-V-E


Jesus, help us to worship you in Spirit and in Truth.  Help us to be mindful of your sacrifice - and just what that should mean to us in every activity we undertake.  Come, Lord Jesus and rescue us from these decaying bodies!  Thank you that your love is perfect, and it is enough.  Thank you that one day we will not be constantly pulled towards sin and the flesh.  Thank you that you loved me even as I wrestled on the stage - even when I made something that is always about you - about me.  Thank you for your never ending, all sustaining grace.  You are good.

Scattered every which way....

I'm gonna try to be brief... but I don't know if that is possible...  :)

Growing up as a tiny girl we were part of a fellowship that was amazing.  We were a tiny little fellowship... and we loved each other well.  We ate together, studied the Scriptures together.  We were there for each other.  We loved God, and we loved each other.  How dear to me are those who were part of Word of Life Bible Church in Southlake, TX.

As an adult, or almost an adult... a wife and a mommy, but only 21 - Ken and I found a fellowship of our own.  It was the closest thing to Acts 42 I had experienced since I was 8 years old.
And now, 14 years later, we are part of another amazing fellowship of believers who know what it is to love God and love each other.

We are a forever family.  We hurt each other, and we comfort each other.  We love each other well.  We pray for each other.  We know what it means to mourn together and rejoice together.  The common denominator is that in each fellowship, we all loved God, and we all loved each other.  We gave as anyone had need - and we lived in community.

All along the way, I developed friends who I love dearly who were just starting college... and then, just finishing college... and then just moving away, some getting married... some just having their first baby...  some moving to other countries...

It has been a whirlwind when I think about it.  But, I realize that tiny pieces of my heart are scattered across 3 continents (at least) and all over the US.  I love so many people that sometimes it really just hurts.  My heart aches because I miss "my"girls.  But, then there are friends that have known me - the real me for a long time - some ten, fifteen and even twenty or thirty (!) years.  I think I could type for an hour straight and not get all the names down of the people who are dear to me that my heart longs to see and spend time with.  And then there are people that I almost got to know, but I want to know more.... who I am not sure I will get to know much better this side of Heaven.  Which makes me feel like I have a million holes in my heart - pieces of my heart are scattered all over the place.   But, did you notice the phrase "this side of Heaven"?
God is so sweet to remind me that these friends are my forever friends.  Not just because we have bonded well here on earth, but because we are bound by the blood of Christ and will be forever together in eternity.  We are sisters now and forever.  This life is a mist.  One day - and in a short time - in the blink of an eye... we will all be together for eternity.  No tears.  No separation.  No pain.  No sin.  No boundary of time.  We will be forever together worshiping a Holy and Righteous and Beautiful God - and bowing before the One who was given the Name above every Name - at which every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!
Hallelujah!  I am ready to have a party.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  But, I am about ready for our forever celebration where we come to know what it means to dwell in glory... our God given, untainted glory.  Whew!

It is almost Christmas.  It is time to celebrate the birth of a baby who came to change the World.  It is time to celebrate the Christ-child.  The Messiah.

It is no wonder that the dragon - that tempter, Satan was standing wanting to devour Him even as a baby... because with His birth came the certain destruction of that proud, beautiful angel - Lucifer who was cast out of Heaven.  (Revelation 12 paints an amazing picture of all of this).   The night Jesus was born, a great war broke out.  Real war - and though we do not yet see it with our eyes... that war is still raging.  I am so thankful that I know the end of the story.  I am so thankful I know the One who wrote the story, and the One who came to give me life - and freedom from that fierce dragon.  I am so thankful for each of my friends that have a piece of my heart - because we are a forever family.  We will get to rejoice in the Lord always - and again I say REJOICE!!! 

So, this Christmas, I am spending some time thanking God for each of you by name.  Each one of my forever friends - I am praying a blessing over you even now.  And for each of you that don't know my Jesus - who are skeptical of all of this "religious" stuff.  I am praying a special prayer for you.  I am praying that you will come to know my Jesus for yourself.  It has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with a relationship.  A relationship with the One who will never abandon me, or forsake me.  A relationship with the One who let His blood be spilled so that mine wouldn't have to be.  The One who came to die - because it was the only way that we could know God - for ourselves, without separation.  The One who the angels worshiped and the wise men sought out.  This Jesus.  If you let Him, He will change your whole life.  Yes, tonight, I am saying a special prayer for you, my sweet skeptical friend.  He loves even you.  Even when you curse Him and doubt Him.  He will never quit pursuing your heart.  He loves you far too much for that. 

Merry Christmas. 

Shaking the dust off your feet...

Tonight I am wondering how much longer it will be before things are right-side up. 

I wish I had more answers than I have.

God is good.  He is ever faithful.  He continues to provide and to look out for us.  Things are still messy though.  Messy is okay, but it is, well.... not ideal. 

I am asking tonight for wisdom.  God has granted that before to people who have asked.  Part of me wishes to ask him for enough money to dig out of this seemingly endless hole.  But, the larger part wants to know what He would do if He were in my place.  What would Jesus do, for real?  I don't know.  I pray that He will help me to know.  I pray that He will show me soon.  I don't have more to say really, though there is much more swirling in my mind. 

I had to process a little out loud... but now, I am going to go talk with Jesus.  I am hoping that as I tell Him who He is, He will remind me of His character.  Truth is, He was perfect and therefore would not be in the predicament I am in.  But, He has the right answer for me any way.   I am going to ask you to pray wisdom for me too.  I am going to ask that you would cry out to the Lord and ask Him to reveal Himself.  He is the God who sees.  He is the God who knows what we need before the word is even on our lips.  He is the God who is never caught off guard and who will never forsake us. 

Broken Vessels for God's Use ~ my labor of love.

Friends! 

Finally, it is ready.  If you would like to read my book - it is available for purchase at www.brokenvesselsforgod.com.  Just click on the picture of the book.  My amazing husband set that up for me.  :)

At some moments, I thought it would never be fully ready, but I think it is relatively safe to say - it is now!  Every time I pick it up and look at the cover, I am filled with thankfulness to my sweet Savior who allowed me the time to do it and who rescued me from circumstances that were dreadful!  I am hoping and praying this book will minister to people even half as much as it has already ministered to me.  It is a constant reminder to me that He is a God who not only gives us passions and dreams, but is also pleased to see them come to fruition.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He removed me from a difficult working situation where I was neglecting my family and missing out on the purposes He created me for so that I could do one of the things He has given me passion for. 
I have never been so sure that He has created us all for a purpose.  He has called us each to something of significance.  Even if it only appears significant in the eyes of God.  It isn't about how impopular the book is, or how popular it might become.  To me it is about an act of obedience in an area that was actually easy to obey - in fact the more I put my hand to it, the more my heart fell in love with Jesus.  It was about reveling in the beauty of my God who would allow me the time and opportunity to do what He had set in my heart.  The blessings have already been given - the time in His Word to write it and research.  The time learning the lessons that are within the pages of the book.  The amazing teachers I have had and friends I have made along the journey.  These are the things that matter.  Yet, if I hear that the book blesses somebody else, I may very well just go up to be with Jesus my heart might be so full! 

Anyway, I am thankful and I am blessed to be here in this moment, working a job that I love more than any job I have ever had.  Being a mommy to my children who are a blessing to me daily.  And continuing to learn that God intends good for me for all of my life - no matter how strongly the enemy comes against that.  I am so very thankful for this time.  I am so very thankful for my God who is always Faithful.