Holy Ground... or a stumbling block?

I know it is shocking... but I LOVE to worship Jesus through song.

Love it.

Some Sundays, I kick off my shoes to worship in the sanctuary.  I do it at my seat, or on the stage, wherever I am.  Sometimes I need to be reminded that where I am standing is Holy ground.  Sometimes I need to remember that worship is not at all about me, or my voice, or how much I love to sing.  So, sometimes, my shoes must leave my feet and I use that "symbol" to remind me that I am on Holy ground.  I am in the presence of the Almighty God.   

To me, Worship is about remembering that God is worthy of the whole mess of our lives.  He is worth risking everything - even losing everything if He can gain glory in the midst of it all.  He is worthy.  Worship serves as a reminder to me, and it is an offering to Him.  Worship is not about the posture of my body, but the posture of my heart.  It isn't about the position of my hands, but rather the position of my spirit.  


Rarely am I offended.  I will be honest here.  I used to be offended all the time.  I wore my heart on my sleeve and was easily hurt by the words and actions of others.  My pastor loved me enough to tell me that the reason I was like that was because I was full of PRIDE.  He was right.  I was so concerned with myself - and thought everyone else should be too.  I had to spend some time evaluating how my hurt feelings made me prideful - but in a backwards way - it is just a reality.  Anyway, since that time, I have practiced the art of capturing my thoughts.  And I have determined, there just really isn't much to get offended about.  No one has to like me.  No one has to go out of their way for me.  God through Jesus has already proven to me that I am loved, and I have been sacrificed for.  The ultimate gift, the ultimate love already resides with me - through Jesus - and that is more than sufficient for me.  So, why waste energy and time giving power to other people (in my mind) that they shouldn't hold over me?   I know this is a long train of thought, but stick with me here...


I was offended on Sunday.  But, it has served a great purpose.  


Someone went to the sound crew after the first service and asked them to tell the worship leader to ask me to put my shoes on during worship.  Now, granted, I was on the stage, so it would have been noticeable to more people that I wasn't wearing shoes - it wasn't that my feet stunk (I hope)...  but something deep inside of me burned - red hot.  At first, I really was pretty sure it was a righteous anger - and some of it might have been.  Here is the thought process...


"How dare you!  How dare you stand and tell someone how they should position themselves before the Lord?  How dare you not come to me directly?  How dare you stand in this worship center and be focused on anything other than God... seriously, whether or not I wear shoes affects your worship experience?  Why are you here if you are going to focus on something besides God?"  

Then, I reasoned with myself - "become all things to all men.. to the Jews a Jew, to the Greeks a Greek..."  and I had this prideful thought, "He didn't say, 'to the Pharisees a Pharisee'"... or did He not mean that when He said all thing to all men?  

Oh, wait.


Yep, there it was.  My flesh - all out there to deal with.  It was brought to my attention right before the second service, so it was after I had already offended this person with the absence of my shoes,  but, right before it was time to honor my King through song.  And I was groping for Truth.  I was flailing around in my mind trying to come around to right thinking - and being mad that my worship was being invaded by someone else's opinions.  


Don't get me wrong, I had already put my shoes on for second service.  Praise the Lord, He reminded me of this - "submit therefore to one another out of reverence for Christ."  It is all about revering Christ, so those shoes were going on my feet.  I literally didn't want my shoes to make someone else stumble.  But, I am still so uncertain of the correct way to approach this.  I have had a jumbled up mixture of these thoughts:


*  I am only in worship to worship the Almighty God - He alone determines my response in worship.
*  I am to submit to fellow believers out of reverence for Christ.
*  I will worship as I am lead by the Spirit 
*  I will consider others better than myself
*  I will not let any person tell me how I should worship
*  I will become all things to all men so that some might be saved.


So, how far do you take that?  On either end?  I love to raise my arms in worship, but if I know it is causing others to stumble do I not do it?  I believe Paul would say, "By no means!"  Authentic worship draws people to Jesus.  It is not about showmanship.  It is not about pretense, or posture.  It is about a relationship that elicits a response.  Some days, that means I dance around a little, some days that means I raise my hands, sometimes it means I get on my face, and sometimes it means I don't sing at all.   

But, dare I take my shoes off again in worship?  I don't know why the person was offended - or mentioned this.  Maybe they thought that I was irreverent for not wearing shoes.  Maybe, it was offensive to them because it seemed dishonoring to God.  I don't know.  For heaven's sake, I wish they would have come and talked to me.  But, here are some things I have gleaned from this...


* Maybe sometimes when I took my shoes off it was more of a symbol and less of an attitude in my heart. That is something to work out in my mind for sure.  
* Maybe sometimes - in my own pew - I will kick off my shoes after all.
* Maybe sometimes it is okay to adjust my posture to show my affections to Christ through submission to another brother or sister in the body.
* Maybe sometimes I will worship without considering anyone but the Almighty God and my affections for Him.
* Maybe it is time to address this idea of Worship in a corporate setting.  Maybe our focus needs some refocusing.  
* Maybe, in the long run, I am better off because I had to wrestle - right there on the stage (and much at home as well) - with this offense.  
* Maybe, in the long run, it doesn't really matter where my shoes are as long as my motive is pure.
* God knows the thoughts before we have them, the needs before we say them, and the deeds before we do them.  He alone can judge the hearts of men.
* What is your motive in worship?  Is it to sing on cue, on pitch, and "look the part" - or is it to simply be in awe of the One who made all the heavenly hosts?  Is it to tell God that He is ever faithful and good and right and trustworthy?  
* On a day to day basis, worship might just be spelled M-O-T-I-V-E


Jesus, help us to worship you in Spirit and in Truth.  Help us to be mindful of your sacrifice - and just what that should mean to us in every activity we undertake.  Come, Lord Jesus and rescue us from these decaying bodies!  Thank you that your love is perfect, and it is enough.  Thank you that one day we will not be constantly pulled towards sin and the flesh.  Thank you that you loved me even as I wrestled on the stage - even when I made something that is always about you - about me.  Thank you for your never ending, all sustaining grace.  You are good.

Scattered every which way....

I'm gonna try to be brief... but I don't know if that is possible...  :)

Growing up as a tiny girl we were part of a fellowship that was amazing.  We were a tiny little fellowship... and we loved each other well.  We ate together, studied the Scriptures together.  We were there for each other.  We loved God, and we loved each other.  How dear to me are those who were part of Word of Life Bible Church in Southlake, TX.

As an adult, or almost an adult... a wife and a mommy, but only 21 - Ken and I found a fellowship of our own.  It was the closest thing to Acts 42 I had experienced since I was 8 years old.
And now, 14 years later, we are part of another amazing fellowship of believers who know what it is to love God and love each other.

We are a forever family.  We hurt each other, and we comfort each other.  We love each other well.  We pray for each other.  We know what it means to mourn together and rejoice together.  The common denominator is that in each fellowship, we all loved God, and we all loved each other.  We gave as anyone had need - and we lived in community.

All along the way, I developed friends who I love dearly who were just starting college... and then, just finishing college... and then just moving away, some getting married... some just having their first baby...  some moving to other countries...

It has been a whirlwind when I think about it.  But, I realize that tiny pieces of my heart are scattered across 3 continents (at least) and all over the US.  I love so many people that sometimes it really just hurts.  My heart aches because I miss "my"girls.  But, then there are friends that have known me - the real me for a long time - some ten, fifteen and even twenty or thirty (!) years.  I think I could type for an hour straight and not get all the names down of the people who are dear to me that my heart longs to see and spend time with.  And then there are people that I almost got to know, but I want to know more.... who I am not sure I will get to know much better this side of Heaven.  Which makes me feel like I have a million holes in my heart - pieces of my heart are scattered all over the place.   But, did you notice the phrase "this side of Heaven"?
God is so sweet to remind me that these friends are my forever friends.  Not just because we have bonded well here on earth, but because we are bound by the blood of Christ and will be forever together in eternity.  We are sisters now and forever.  This life is a mist.  One day - and in a short time - in the blink of an eye... we will all be together for eternity.  No tears.  No separation.  No pain.  No sin.  No boundary of time.  We will be forever together worshiping a Holy and Righteous and Beautiful God - and bowing before the One who was given the Name above every Name - at which every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!
Hallelujah!  I am ready to have a party.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  But, I am about ready for our forever celebration where we come to know what it means to dwell in glory... our God given, untainted glory.  Whew!

It is almost Christmas.  It is time to celebrate the birth of a baby who came to change the World.  It is time to celebrate the Christ-child.  The Messiah.

It is no wonder that the dragon - that tempter, Satan was standing wanting to devour Him even as a baby... because with His birth came the certain destruction of that proud, beautiful angel - Lucifer who was cast out of Heaven.  (Revelation 12 paints an amazing picture of all of this).   The night Jesus was born, a great war broke out.  Real war - and though we do not yet see it with our eyes... that war is still raging.  I am so thankful that I know the end of the story.  I am so thankful I know the One who wrote the story, and the One who came to give me life - and freedom from that fierce dragon.  I am so thankful for each of my friends that have a piece of my heart - because we are a forever family.  We will get to rejoice in the Lord always - and again I say REJOICE!!! 

So, this Christmas, I am spending some time thanking God for each of you by name.  Each one of my forever friends - I am praying a blessing over you even now.  And for each of you that don't know my Jesus - who are skeptical of all of this "religious" stuff.  I am praying a special prayer for you.  I am praying that you will come to know my Jesus for yourself.  It has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with a relationship.  A relationship with the One who will never abandon me, or forsake me.  A relationship with the One who let His blood be spilled so that mine wouldn't have to be.  The One who came to die - because it was the only way that we could know God - for ourselves, without separation.  The One who the angels worshiped and the wise men sought out.  This Jesus.  If you let Him, He will change your whole life.  Yes, tonight, I am saying a special prayer for you, my sweet skeptical friend.  He loves even you.  Even when you curse Him and doubt Him.  He will never quit pursuing your heart.  He loves you far too much for that. 

Merry Christmas. 

Shaking the dust off your feet...

Tonight I am wondering how much longer it will be before things are right-side up. 

I wish I had more answers than I have.

God is good.  He is ever faithful.  He continues to provide and to look out for us.  Things are still messy though.  Messy is okay, but it is, well.... not ideal. 

I am asking tonight for wisdom.  God has granted that before to people who have asked.  Part of me wishes to ask him for enough money to dig out of this seemingly endless hole.  But, the larger part wants to know what He would do if He were in my place.  What would Jesus do, for real?  I don't know.  I pray that He will help me to know.  I pray that He will show me soon.  I don't have more to say really, though there is much more swirling in my mind. 

I had to process a little out loud... but now, I am going to go talk with Jesus.  I am hoping that as I tell Him who He is, He will remind me of His character.  Truth is, He was perfect and therefore would not be in the predicament I am in.  But, He has the right answer for me any way.   I am going to ask you to pray wisdom for me too.  I am going to ask that you would cry out to the Lord and ask Him to reveal Himself.  He is the God who sees.  He is the God who knows what we need before the word is even on our lips.  He is the God who is never caught off guard and who will never forsake us. 

Broken Vessels for God's Use ~ my labor of love.

Friends! 

Finally, it is ready.  If you would like to read my book - it is available for purchase at www.brokenvesselsforgod.com.  Just click on the picture of the book.  My amazing husband set that up for me.  :)

At some moments, I thought it would never be fully ready, but I think it is relatively safe to say - it is now!  Every time I pick it up and look at the cover, I am filled with thankfulness to my sweet Savior who allowed me the time to do it and who rescued me from circumstances that were dreadful!  I am hoping and praying this book will minister to people even half as much as it has already ministered to me.  It is a constant reminder to me that He is a God who not only gives us passions and dreams, but is also pleased to see them come to fruition.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He removed me from a difficult working situation where I was neglecting my family and missing out on the purposes He created me for so that I could do one of the things He has given me passion for. 
I have never been so sure that He has created us all for a purpose.  He has called us each to something of significance.  Even if it only appears significant in the eyes of God.  It isn't about how impopular the book is, or how popular it might become.  To me it is about an act of obedience in an area that was actually easy to obey - in fact the more I put my hand to it, the more my heart fell in love with Jesus.  It was about reveling in the beauty of my God who would allow me the time and opportunity to do what He had set in my heart.  The blessings have already been given - the time in His Word to write it and research.  The time learning the lessons that are within the pages of the book.  The amazing teachers I have had and friends I have made along the journey.  These are the things that matter.  Yet, if I hear that the book blesses somebody else, I may very well just go up to be with Jesus my heart might be so full! 

Anyway, I am thankful and I am blessed to be here in this moment, working a job that I love more than any job I have ever had.  Being a mommy to my children who are a blessing to me daily.  And continuing to learn that God intends good for me for all of my life - no matter how strongly the enemy comes against that.  I am so very thankful for this time.  I am so very thankful for my God who is always Faithful.

Stronger by the minute...

This morning that pesky predator tried in one more way to shake things up around here.

Mia had an episode.  We are unclear on if she actually had a seizure and then was passing out, or if she was just unable to breathe well, and was fighting passing out, but no matter how you cut it, we ended up in the emergency room with a little girl who had eyes rolling in the back of her head and went limp for about 3 minutes.
Jake responded quickly and correctly.  I was praising God that he kept presence of mind in the absence of normality.  She was face first in her highchair making a horrible breathing noise.  He called for me and pulled her out as fast as he could.  It was scary.  I am not given to fear - usually about anything. But, I remember distinctly asking out loud for Jesus to help and then holding my "ragdoll" of a little girl in my arms and watching her fight losing consciousness.  I never want to see that again.

It hit me after she came to, and could respond to me that it was another attack.  That prowler just won't get off our backs.  But, at the same time I realized something else.  The more he throws hardship in our path, the more I am believing the Truth - because I am saying it over and over again.  I know that God is only good and wants only good for us.  I also know that He sees us and loves us more than we could possibly love each other.  God is stronger.  God is better.  God can do all things because He is the Creator of all things.  There is nothing too difficult for Him.  I am realizing that I am more convinced after this morning than I was yesterday that God is good - and that He only wants good for our family.  I think I am convinced more because I am declaring it more often.  It is not that I don't want a break from the drama... but I am falling more deeply in love with Jesus through it. 

We went to the ER and didn't find anything wrong.  We will follow up with tests tomorrow... an EEG and she is now on medicine for Bronchitis.  She didn't have fever... she didn't have pneumonia.  She just had this episode... and all be it scary, I knew through the whole thing that God had us in His hands the whole time.  After sleeping through two breathing treatments back to back - and after thirty minutes of hacking up mucus... my baby girl was her normal self again.  She only wanted her mommy, and her mommy wanted nothing more than to snuggle her tight.  It was a perfect match.  We have snuggled all day - and I am so very thankful for my beautiful girl.  Even in the hospital, she laid on my chest and we watched Bugs Bunny together.  I am so thankful for each of my kids... they are all so loving and tender with each other - and they are recognizing through all of this that God is stronger too.
Please know that no matter how dark the situation, the Light always wins.  Always.  Darkness has no authority over the light.  Tonight, I will lie down and sleep in peace because my heart is steadfast - trusting in God.
I pray that you know that same peace.  The peace that passes all understanding and brings comfort in the midst of every situation.

Butterflies in my stomach!

It is finished.

Ready to order.

I had bought two copies and made an enormous amount of changes - but now, it is really ready.  Ready for you to read if you want to.

I can't explain what it feels like to hold in my hands this labor of my heart.  I have loved writing.  I have hated editing! :) I have cried while I  wrote.  I have laughed.  I have loved laboring over this book.  It is surreal to think that I am finished - finally!

It is my prayer that this book would be a blessing to anyone who reads it.  I am begging the Lord that He would reach down and make Himself known - in whatever way He chooses through the pages of this book.  He has certainly made Himself known to me through the writing of it.

We are all broken.  But, that isn't where the story should end.  Praise God He can make good from the things that were meant for evil in our lives. 

Where the Rubber meets the Road

Tonight I sat outside for a little while.  My back porch has a really nice breeze and the clouds were beautiful passing in front of the moon.  It was nice.  I shared my deepest thoughts with Jesus.  I whispered to God that I knew He was there, and He was good, and that I know He sees me.
I told Him how I am tired of things breaking my heart that don't break His.
He reminded me that He catches all of my tears and keeps them in a bottle.
He reminded me that when my heart aches, His aches for me.

It was sweet to remember how very much He loves me.

I am asking Him to heal me.  I am asking Him to heal my broken heart.  I am asking Him to be near to me.  He is hearing me.  And He will answer.

Tonight I thanked Him that He sees me.  I thanked Him that He will come back for us.  I asked Him to make my heart grieve over the things that aren't about me.  I asked Him to help me with my perspective.
He is hearing us.  He will answer us.  He knows everything we need before the words form on our tongues.
It got me to thinking that this is really where the rubber meets the road for me.  The last year has been full of hardships.  More than I can put words to.  But, the greatest of them all has not been resolved.  By my human perspective... it is hopeless.  Thanks be to God that He hasn't left it up to my human perspective!  So, tonight for me, in a significant way, I had to ask myself what Truth is...  and I have found that Truth is that nothing is impossible for God.  Nothing.  Truth is that my God will never leave me or forsake me, and I can rest in that all day long, every day.  Truth is that He is coming back to get us, and what matters is how we spend our days between now and then.  Truth is, this life is not about me....  but about the One that made me and created me for a purpose.  He created you too, and for a distinct purpose, and for such a time as this.
I will rest tonight, full of peace and grasping tightly to the Hope that I have in Jesus.  And, I will be caught up in His love and in awe of His glory as I rest in the shadow of His wings.