Hey there - it's been a while!

Well, it has been a while since I've been here.

I haven't had much "spare" time. Life is altogether too busy.But, even in the midst of the busy-ness, we have managed to do some pretty great things!!

We have played in the snow.

We have been to a birthday party!

We have had a work day at the daycare - where I made my kiddos work hard!

We have worshipped and prayed. We have cried and laughed. We have snuggled up and watched movies. We have argued. We have hugged. We have yelled. We have done nice things for each other. We have lived life...

I have worked on my book. I am excited about that. Even busy, I have managed to tweak a few things here and there. There are two things that bring me exceedingly abundant joy.

1. worship

2. reading God's Word

there are two things that bring me exceeding joy:

1. My husband

2. My children

there are three things (okay a lot more than that, but 3 for now) that make me happy:

1. Chocolate milk (I mean, it makes me REALLY happy).

2. Reading in a "sunroom" on a beautiful day

3. Reading bedtime stories to my little ones.

I love Jesus. I know that isn't much of a surprise, but I really LOVE Him. He changes everything for me. Everything. Today in church, we talked about Hezekiah, and how God literally turned back time for him - as a sign of His faithfulness. It reminds me of the day the sun stood still for another Biblical friend - Joshua.

It doesn't amaze me that He can do those things - literally - the earth and the sea and everything in them are subject to Him.

What amazes me is that He does them for us - broken human beings who are going to fail Him every time.

He knows that, and yet, He never gives up on us!

Never.

What comfort is found for me in that! It makes me sad for my sweet Candice (our birth-mom). Very few people in her life have not "given up on her". It is really what she expects. People expect her to fail. People refuse to believe that even she can change. It is hard when you see her actions.

But, I know the way that God has (and is) pursuing her. I am just praying it won't take 10 years in jail for her to come to her senses. Mia would be 12. But, I believe that God knows best, and if that is what will save her life - then ultimately, that is what I desire. I love this girl, and I want her to know Jesus and love Jesus more than she loves life.

God will never give up on me, and by His grace alone, I will never give up on her.

She is His beloved child.

His daughter.

She is a daughter of the King, and she is living in the slums.

She needs a rescuer. She needs Jesus to show up and rock her world.

Has He done that for you? Has He rocked your whole world yet? If you know Him, I challenge you to ask Him to show up in an area of your life that seems so complicated - in a way that is undeniably Him. You will never get enough of Him. I pray that you will find Him in a way you have never found Him before. And, if you will - could you say a prayer for my Candice while you are with Him? Pray that He will move in her heart, and in her life in a way that is perfectly Righteous.

That's it for this beautiful day. I am going to read, and write a letter to my Candice, and I am going to thank the Lord for time to spend in His Word - and I am going to pray for my precious friends Mary and Don as they are spending this weekend with his very ill parents. God is faithful - every single day, in every single way.

THANKFUL LIST

I am thankful for my God (the Only God) who loves me no matter what!

I am thankful for a little baby girl (almost 2 years old!) who has curly hair and spends most of her time being naughty ;0)

I am thankful for a little boy (almost 3 years old) who taught princess naughty everything she

knows!

I am thankful for an 8 year old boy who is tender-hearted and amazingly artistic - AND a little crazy!

I am thankful for a 10 year old Diva-Princess who radiates mercy and love!

I am thankful for a 13 year old son who still loves his mom and tells his x-box live friends about Jesus!

I am thankful for a husband who loves his family, is extremely handsome, and is also just hilarious!

I am thankful for our birth-mom who chose to give our daughter life and then place her in our arms - even though it was one of the hardest things she has ever done.

I am thankful for the soft, pink blanket that was lost and could never have been fully replaced- which got found!

I am thankful for my precious friends (both here and overseas) who are getting to share the message of Jesus with people who have never heard the Truth!

I am thankful for co-workers who love me even on the roughest of days.

I am thankful for my church family who extend grace in ways I have never seen before!

I am thankful for Don and Mary Campbell who love me and have blessed my family in ways that I can’t put into words.

I am thankful for our adoption agency and their heart for the Lord!

I am thankful for the opportunities I have to love people every day.

I am thankful for the freezer full of deer meat which will feed our family all year long!

I am thankful for roommates who love Jesus and are a hoot to live with!

I am thankful for a car that holds our whole family!

I am thankful for the sounds of little feet running across the floor in the middle of the night.

I am thankful for a fireplace that we use instead of a heater almost all winter!

I am thankful for my relatives that I only get to see a few times a year. Praise God that most of them know Jesus!

I am thankful for the friends I am still in contact with that helped teach me about Jesus when I was little - and helped me get through the most difficult times of my life.

I am thankful for my children who forgive me even when I am short on temper and long on talking loudy (otherwise known as yelling). :0(

I am thankful for simple pleasures (laying on the trampoline on sunny days watching as the clouds remind me of God’s power and majesty).

I am thankful for chocolate milk. No, really, I mean it.

I am thankful for memories of drinking chocolate milk with my daddy while we watched Wylie Coyote.

I am thankful that I got to take care of my mom as she suffered with the pain of sickness - and I am thankful that my ridiculous attempts at playing the piano brought her joy. I am thankful that I got to be the one who sat beside her as she cried about her weakness. I am thankful that I got to sing to her - and I am thankful for the way that she loved to hear me sing. Precious. Precious memories...

I am thankful that my parents introduced me to Jesus when I was really young - and I’ve had the benefit of His presence my whole life.

I am thankful that I am chosen by God.

I am thankful that I am loved beyond measure.

I am thankful that this world is not all there is.

I am thankful that Jesus would have died on the cross - just for me. And thankful that He died just for you too.

I am thankful that there is a better life waiting.

I am thankful that we all have purpose. And I am especially thankful for those who are living out their purpose daily.

I am thankful for a quiet day and a good book.

I am thankful for a noisy, hard day and a lot of weary news- because it gives God a great opportunity to bring Himself glory in the midst of the pain.

I am thankful for beautiful scenery - and colder weather.

These are just a FEW things that I am thankful for. Every hour I could add to this list....

I am thankful for YOU - who read my list all the way through. Yep, YOU - I am thankful for YOU!

Life...

Life has a funny way of throwing us curve balls doesn’t it? We get up - eat - shower - work - sleep and start all over again (maybe not in that order exactly, but some combination of those things I would think).

Why are we here? What is the point? What happens when we die? What happens when something takes ahold of our world (our personal world) and shakes it - takes it by force and seems to crumble everything we know into little pieces?

I have Jesus. I don’t just know about Jesus. I know Jesus - as my personal Hero - the Savior of my soul and of my every day. I don’t fully know Jesus. But, I am fully known by Jesus. I have Him. And He is sufficient. He is more than able... He is abundant life. He is the One who helps me when those questions need answering. My brother’s wife said it this way, “it is amazing how quickly things can change. I'm so grateful to know the One who doesn't...” So true. Things catch me off guard way more than I would like to admit. But, in the midst of life’s biggest challenges - I have refuge under the wings of the One who knew before I was born that whatever thing I’m dealing with, would come into my life. Wow. That concept is just life-altering. Why would I doubt the One who breathed my first breath of life into me - and who continues to know the number of my days?

I love this. The first account - Genesis 2:7, “Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.” NLT

And then this, Job 12:10, “In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.”

How about, Isaiah 42:5, “This is what God the LORD says— the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out, who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it:”

And finally, Acts 17:24 - 26 “The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation”

This life is not some cosmic joke. This life is not really about this life at all. This life is about pointing people to the One who began it all - and the One who will finish what He began. It is about the ‘ministry of reconciliation’ for those of us who have taken literally the offer to become Christ’s Ambassadors. It is not about “tolerance” and “all roads lead to Glory” at all - instead it is about the One who gives us free choice to accept Truth and what He has done - and in return offers eternal life - a gift we could never earn - but a gift that is free for everyone. This is not about tolerance. This is not about peace - though there will come a time where peace will reign and the lion will lay down with the lamb. This is not about popularity or trying hard enough. It’s about realizing that our efforts couldn’t ever have been enough - and leaning on and trusting in the One who’s efforts have always been sufficient.

We have an opportunity every day to play our role in the best drama ever written.

The real battle between Good - pure, 100% no-blemish - good...

And evil - 100% - out to take your life - evil (disguised as 98% good).

My sleep has been so restless lately. Mostly because I wake up and I can’t stop praying for the things that are happening all around my life. And that is when it hits me - He is coming back for us - and we are not ready yet. He longs to come back for us - and we are not a proper Bride.

Final thought... Look into this scripture and ask the Lord to give you great understanding... I am praying that He will give great wisdom and understanding to us from these verses in 2 Peter 3:11-13... “Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.”

Praise God who will make all things new - and Praise God that one day righteousness and justice will have victory over sin and despair. This is the God I serve. This is my source of hope.

Veterans Day

I am not a big blogger about certain days of the year. I write when I get the chance, and when I have something I just want to get off my chest usually. Today is like that for me. I saw my precious and beautiful 10 year old daughter sing in show choir today. She did fantastic - and it sounded wonderful. But, it was before they sang that I was really gripped by something, several somethings actually.

I watched as these precious men, dressed in uniform ( and in their late 60's at least) "practiced" their walk and their special part of the program. It was all done so honorably. It was all business. It was stunning to watch these precious older gentlemen take so seriously what they would be doing before a group of children who couldn't possibly understand the magnitude of what they had given - what sacrifices they had made in their lives to wear those uniforms. If I weren't trying not to embarrass my daughter I would have been bawling like a big baby.

There was our American flag.

There were these gentlemen.

There was such a display of honor. And then... the strings.

The middle school orchestra was playing "I'm proud to be an American". I got goose bumps. I really wanted to learn how to play the violin even more than I ever have! In that moment it made me terribly sad for the things that we forfeited in the last election because somehow we have forgotten what beliefs America was founded on. It made me realize how time is fleeting - and how this one nation, under God, indivisible... is actually divided - because we are no longer proud to be under God.

It was a solemn experience for me.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to shout out that we should be proud to be Americans - but that we needed to remember our roots.

I wanted to know how to properly salute those men who had given so much for this country and I wanted to go hug all of my friends who are in the military and tell them that what they do is honorable.

I'll not quickly forget those precious men, showing each other such respect. They knew what price was paid in order for them to be able to come and walk down the gym floor and represent their country - even in front of a bunch of children (and probably adults too) who couldn't appreciate the magnitude of that one song - or that ceremony.

God help us - and may God bless our friends and family members in the military.

Freedom...

“Oh God of Heaven, come and hem me in. Gather the pieces that are broken. Show me the wonder of You again... Oh God of Heaven...”

Words from a Bebo Norman song that grasp my heart and squeeze it tight. God of my everything...

It is difficult to love God - and not want to just go immediately to be with Him. The very core of my soul aches for the time when I will be with Him forever. Romans 8:19-25 says this about what I am feeling, “19 For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. 20 Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, 21 the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. 22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. 25 But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)”

Patiently, not so much, although, I feel pretty confident in this hope I hold on to. I am going to admit it. I am desperate. I am desperate to live in the place He carved out especially for me while I am on this earth. I am tired of living in the futility of the dailies. I am longing to be used to the full measure of what He has called me to. He is good and He is Sovereign. He knows what it is that He has called me to. I am desperate to operate well in that place. I am not convinced that that is what I am doing. I am holding on with all that I have that if I continue to “sing His praises out loud” in this “prison” my chains will just fall off and Jesus will come and rescue me and set me free to do His will. Oh how much I need His rescuing today!

Escaping through the flames... or believing in His promises?

My heart is so heavy tonight.

You know, I think I know stuff...

And then, I realize... Well, I just don’t.

God created us so differently from one another. It would be easy to get caught up comparing ourselves to other people. To some, we may seem like super-saints - and then to others it would seem we are far dimmer - so much further from Truth. The truth of it all is that God created us each for a purpose. And each of us will either serve that purpose and have rewards that don’t catch fire, or we will have regrets and stand before our precious Jesus - saved, but smelling like the smoke from the fire that consumed our worthless deeds.

That is a little heavy.

I prayed to know what it meant to love the Lord with all of my heart - above any earthly thing. And He was kind to me and honored my request. It was so painful to learn. It was so hard to recognize His hand as it granted that which I asked of Him. It was the most painful time in my life. But, it has yielded the most precious thing in my life.

I do not fear the Lord. (I hope you didn’t gasp as you read that... Or maybe I hope you did?)

I do not know what it is to fear Him. I know bits about loving Him. I pray that I honor Him with my life. But, I do not fear Him as I should. I do not work out my salvation in fear and trembling. I do not consider His majesty in a way that makes me shudder.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not suggesting that I should walk around cowering before Him as if He were at any moment to strike me dead. And I am also not saying that I don’t recognize His power as thunder sounds, while rain pours down and lightning strikes & lights up the sky. But, lately I have been wondering what I would wish I would have done differently when I stand there - in His presence, holding the ashes from the things that were burned up... I want to pray to fear the Lord... And yet, from experience, it scares me to death to even say that. He answers prayers. He especially answers the prayers that are in line with His Word. So, maybe I have a little fear of the Lord. I fear Him enough to realize that He has all of the Universe at His disposal, and to learn to love Him was so painful - but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. So, what will become of me if I ask to know what it is to fear Him? Only He knows. I deserve to be struck dead - in an instant. Not because I have done “horrible” things by our earthly standards necessarily. But, because compared to His holiness, the works in my life are a pile of dirty rags. Filthy, dirty rags.

I find myself asking the question over and over - “what are you doing?” What is it that He desires for my life? What is it that will fulfill the calling He already has on my life? His gifts and His call are irrevocable. He created me for a purpose. That purpose is to bring Him glory. In what way will He ask me to bring Him glory? Will I be like Esau and sell my inheritance? And for what? Oh, I pray not. I pray that I will not sell, or waste my inheritance. I pray that my works will not be burned up in the fire. I pray that God will make clear the path for me, and I pray that I will step out in faith and reach for that which He has placed right in front of me. I pray that I will live in the abundance that is Christ. My life is hidden with Christ in God. It is no longer my life to live... Oh that I would live and love with that as my reality.

I am scared (and rightly so, I think) to ask God to teach me to fear Him. But, I have never found Him unloving. I have never found Him as hasty, or quick tempered. In fact, I have known that He is slow to anger and abounding in love. I have known that He has a plan for me, and I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. I want to fear the Lord in a healthy, good way. I want to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I want to live a holy life in order to speed the day of His coming. I want to bring honor to Him with every breath. I want to see His Word alive and moving in my life. His glory is all that matters. His Name is the One at which every knee will bow - on earth and under the earth... And every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Father, help me to make Him Lord over everything now, so that I won’t stand before you with tears running down my ash-laden face as I realize I lived for nothing... And my works were in vain.

Shadows

Tonight I sit - listening to worship music - in my soft bed. I am troubled in my heart for my precious Candice. Too many people can’t understand where she is coming from... Or why she continues to stay where she is. It hit me yesterday how similar I am to Candice. It hit me how similar we all are to her. No matter what we pretend. We all desire to be loved. We all desire to be told that we are beautiful. We all desire to receive the attentions of someone - all of us. I say in one breath that I can’t understand how she could allow herself to be physically abused over and over again by the same guy. Why she would continue to go back to him - even after he hurts her? Why would she continue to stand up for him - why? And then I realize how many times I go back to the same thing that draws me nearer to death every day. Death in my soul, I mean. The lies that keep me in bondage. The lies that keep me from fully believing God. Not just believing Him for the things that He has promised in the future... But the things He has promised me today.

I am not all about name it and claim it. Our God paid a high price for our salvation. He sent His one and only precious Son to the cross in order to make things right. I serve a Holy God that is far too Sovereign to let me name what I think is good for my life and leave me to my own devices. He alone knows what is good. He alone is good. But, that is exactly what the enemy is trying every day to steal from me.

A friend of mine asked me once if I really believed that God is good. I said, “Of course.” But then she made it a little simpler for me to check out in my heart. She said, “Yes, I know you know that God is good, but do you believe that He wants only good for you - ONLY good for YOUR life?” Hmmm... I knew He is good. I know He wants only good for His children, but did I fully embrace my inheritance as His true child? I’m still not sure I do. I’m sure, in fact, that I will not fully embrace that here on the earth. But, it is the truth. No matter what hardships come my way - His desire is only for good in my life. His thoughts - all of them towards me are HOLY. Holiness is pure goodness. That is my own definition. But, I just think of it as something that is set apart in it’s unique purity. I am His child - His true heir, not because of anything that I have done. But, because of Jesus. His life, death and resurrection have assured me of my birthright... my inheritance to know God as my Abba.

It just hit me as I let the truth of what I BELIEVE hit my heart that I let the enemy accuse God to me all the time. It is not in the way that I say God is holding out on me - though, often when situations arise that are less than favorable, that thought always comes in. However, for me, that isn’t nearly as common as it is for me to have this thought that something I can do will make me have higher favor with God. Thus, the things I do can also cause me to have a lower approval rating. WHAT??? But, isn’t that something we all struggle with?

Jake and I just went to see Inception yesterday. It made me think. It still has me thinking.... It was interesting how one of the female characters thought of the dream world as her reality - and she was willing to die to stay in that reality forever. She built and built for years - homes and streets from memories. She invested so much time in the temporary - and all to make just a shadow of her real life, the real life that she was letting slip away by staying in the dream. It made me think about the fact that there is a world that is much deeper - much more real than this one that we inhabit. And, yet, we live as if this world is our permanent home. We are living in the dream, in the shadow - and we are often unwilling to wake up and realize that reality is really evading our grasp - because we are living for this temporary place and trying to make it home. But, it is only a shadow - we are only a shadow of the true life that awaits us. 1 Chronicles 29:15 says, “We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope.” and Job 8: 8-10 says,"Ask the former generations and find out what their fathers learned, for we were born only yesterday and know nothing, and our days on earth are but a shadow.” and Psalm 102:11-12 says, “My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass. But you, O LORD, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations.”

I did a quick reference for the word “shadow” on Biblegateway.com and I was amazed at the things that were referenced over and over. Sit and read a few of them with me.

Ecclesiastes 6:12 says this, “For who knows what is good for a man in life, during the few and meaningless days he passes through like a shadow? Who can tell him what will happen under the sun after he is gone?”

Colossions 2:16-17 “Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.”

Hebrews 10:1 The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, make perfect those who draw near to worship.

Then, there were so many references to God’s shadow - where we can hide and take refuge. Sweet. That is my favorite shadow!

Psalm 17:8 “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.”

As I was reading these, many things were coming to mind. First of all - this life is a breath - a shadow. Quick. Coming to an end quickly. Hmmm... again I was hit with how permanent it all seems... How forever really just often describes our thoughts towards this earthly life. Then, the law being only a shadow... It is not the reality. THE REALITY IS FOUND IN CHRIST! Whew. Amen. Doesn’t this one statement shed truth on the “more favor with God” issue? And finally, the shadow that God offers us as a place of refuge. His shadow is eternal. We will be able to rest in Him forever... but His invitation starts NOW. Not in eternity. His invitation to rest in His shadow has already been extended - I have only to accept the invitation. Wow. I will be thinking on this a bit.

All of that said, please pray for my Candice. Pray fervently for her. She is losing grasp on reality - and very quickly. If God Himself doesn’t intervene quickly- she will be back in jail for the next 10 years of her life. No parol. No way out. It may be the best plan for her. This is where I rest in His Sovereignty - while at the same time begging for His mercy for her. She feels trapped. Much like me. She knows and believes there is a better way - a better life. But, she cannot accept that she is worthy of receiving it. Again, if I were to be fully honest, I would have no choice but to say the same thing...