So, tonight it is forgiveness on my heart. You know that thing that can bring you to tears when you ti

What an amazing God!

I don't have words to describe the thankfulness that is in my heart. Today, September 1, 2009 a 9 month old prayer became a reality! Today, our birthmom, Candice held her baby again - for the first time since we brought her home from the hospital. Wow. I knew I had prayed for it. I knew it would mean a lot to me... but I really had no idea. When the Word talks about Jesus doing things abundantly beyond what we can even ask or imagine, well it is just that. I couldn't have even imagined what a sweet time it would be. For over an hour (almost an hour and a half), I watched her hold Mia. She wouldn't take her eyes off of her. She just kept talking about how beautiful, how sweet, how content... how you can tell she is well cared for and loved. She talked to me like a friend. Not like I was some stranger that was raising "her baby"... but like a friend, like someone she trusts and as if she knew she can let her guard down around me. She said that she guesses it was "Time for her to see Mia again. She was more prepared." Except - she was totally not prepared for our visit! She isn't living with her mom anymore... and we had NO idea that she would be there. I dared to ask some friends to pray that if it was God's timing she would be... but she had no "reason" to be there.

She said that she just knew that she should come see her mom. She understands that there is a reason for everything under heaven! There is so much more! So much, but it is sooo late! I just had to get some out before I busted! What a FAITHFUL God we serve! What an amazing Creator! What a Beautiful Savior. I am in awe of His hand in our lives. We are blessed beyond measure. Wow.

Tamar and Absalom...

I was just reading the story of Tamar again. I think it is one of the saddest stories in the Bible. I think it is a story that many people could read and misinterpret God’s intentions towards us. Tamar did nothing wrong. She was wronged in an enormous way! By her own brother - no less. Thankfully, where one brother was the evil in her life that drove her closer to the Lord, the other brother was a shelter for her - an avenger of sorts. He interests me, this man Absalom. He was a man that clearly loved his family. He was a man that had a heart for justice - as does our Jesus. However, he couldn’t seem to understand that God clearly says that vengeance is His alone. His downfall seems to have begun with bitterness... A bitterness towards his brother that would have him plot murder and see it carried through. A beginning that would take him further than he probably ever intended to go. Please don’t get me wrong. I do believe that Amnon should have been held accountable for his crime against his sister. I do believe that it was a terrible injustice that he could take those things from her - and then banish her - despise her even where the Word says that she “lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” Ugh. A desolate woman. Desolate means, “devoid of inhabitants and visitors, deserted, joyless, disconsolate, and sorrowful through or as if through separation from a loved one; showing the effects of abandonment and neglect.” Not what I want to describe the rest of my days.

Certainly a terrible offense had been committed. But I think we forget that as great as the offense is against us and to us, it is even more offensive to our Holy God.

Was God not grieved by this?

Was God not going to bring about justice in this situation?

It is my opinion that Absalom allowed his hatred towards his brother to fester for two years. All the while, a mounting feeling of distaste for his own father grew. He likely resented David for not doing something to protect his daughter. The Word doesn’t say this. I can only imagine he began to despise his father for his lack of action in this situation. So, he took the matter in his own hands, forgetting that it lay in the Hands of One who is far more capable to see that true retribution take place. So, he plots and he kills and then he runs, and he hides. 2 Samuel 13:39 tells us that King David longed to go to Absalom and that he mourned constantly for his son (Absalom). After a very interesting “enactment”, David calls for his son, Absalom’s return. It is carried out quickly, but David will not let Absalom come to him, and see his face. I don’t know why this is. I didn’t write the Book, nor do I understand the hearts of men. I only know that he didn’t see him... And Absalom’s heart was once again grieved by his father - he says it would’ve been better had he not even returned than to return and not be able to see his own father. In order to get this message to his father, he burned up Joab’s field. Again, he tried to meet with Joab (who had been the instigator in bringing him back in the first place) and when it didn’t go according to his plan and time frame, he burnt Joab’s field to gain audience with him. Again, he takes matters into his own hands.

This post could be very much longer, but I will end with this one thought... As I was reading “The Holy Wild” by Mark Buchanan, he talks about Cain and Abel. And he wrote a sentence that has struck my heart and wont let go. It’s a bit long, but worth the read. Worth the time spent pondering its validity. Buchanan says this, “...of all those (Bible) stories, one haunts me most: Cain’s faithlessness. What gets me is a crisp New Testament gloss on the ancient tale. ‘By faith,’ Hebrews says, ‘Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did.’ Abel was a man of faith. Cain, by implication was not. But, he was no atheist, Cain. He was no Nietzsche, rabid with blasphemy... No Freud...

Cain was none of that.

Cain knew God.

Cain talked with God, maybe daily, without candor, face to face, as one friend talks to another. They had a relationship, God and Cain, an intimacy even. They reasoned together. Cain complained to God, argued with Him, rebuffed Him, pleaded with Him. God rebuked Cain, invited him, questioned him, protected him.

Cain knew God.

He just had no faith... Faithlessness is not unbelief. Faithlessness is the refusal to trust. It’s the refusal to rest in God and, therefore, risk for God... Cain is the man who would never, not for anything, not for anyone put all his weight (trust) in God. His character will not rest in God’s character. Only a fool would do that, and Cain’s no fool. He’s shrewd.”

Oh Lord help us. His character would not rest in God’s character. Is that what we see with Absalom? Is that what drove him to try and steal the kingdom from his father? You alone put authority over us, and yet, we act like we are justified in our rebellion just because of their “human-ness”. Help us, Lord. I ask for mercy. Yes, Lord let us learn what it means that you are merciful.

Let us not, like Absalom, and Cain trust in ourselves and our ability to seek out justice - over your ability to see true justice done. You are Just. Your character is spotless. You alone can avenge in all fairness and righteousness. Teach us who you are!

Big Changes...

Well, there have been many changes in our home over the last few months. My heart is so overwhelmed really. For 11 years we have been part of one of the most amazing churches I've ever heard of - and certainly ever known as home. Living Hope has been our family. Our place of worship and fellowship for a long time. It seems impossible to imagine... but after all of this time we feel the Lord leading us to a new fellowship. I have to admit... my heart aches. Though I am confident the Lord knows best - my heart aches to think of all of the wonderful memories and know that we have to start over - making family with new families in a new place. I am excited to meet new people. I love people. But, I am sad for the memories in that old, wonderful, familiar place. The good news is that we don't have to leave that family. We don't have to break ties... in fact, unity and love are what God is all about - and we won't lose our love for LHBC. We will get to spend eternity worshipping with many of the people in that body of believers in fact. But, on this Earth, for this short time - God is calling us to become members of a new family. I am excited to see what He will do. He is God. He has the right to ask us to do anything He wants. He has the right to take everything away... He has the right to turn our whole lives upside down. And even if it doesn't make sense on this side of eternity... if it is His will... it is the only thing we want.

During these last few weeks and months as we have spent time praying, we have also been busy doing "chores". Among these chores was planting trees. God is so amazing. I planted a tree in my front yard. All the while knowing that God is faithful. All the while knowing that this tree was representative of me in so many ways. It was smaller than the other trees - and weaker. It was drying up too quickly. It was dying. By the time I got it in the ground - it was really dead. Everyone that came over would just shake their head and tell me that it wasn't gonna make it. But, I prayed. Yep, that's right. I prayed over that tree - I prayed for that tree. It was a symbol of me. It was what was going on in my heart and mind all displayed in my front yard. And it was hopeless. BUT - we have an amazing God. I kept praying that if Jesus could make a fig tree wither with just one sentence... He could make my oak tree live with just one word... with just one glance. I KNEW He could make it live. He reminded me that He is the one that gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were (Romans 4:17). Yes, this is the God that I serve. This is the God that I love. This is the God that I want to give all of my affections to. And He spoke. And my tree is living. It is thriving in fact. New sprouts have begun to blossom all over and it is becoming green and beautiful. I am begging the Lord to do the same inside of me. To revive me and make the dead things alive. To renew the things that are dry and replace them with new sprouts of life. He can do this in me too. That tree is my symbol of hope. If you're driving by, you should really stop to take a look at it. I praise His name for that tree. He is Faithful. He is Beautiful.

Big Happy Family

Look at those beautiful kids! All 5 of them. Wow! We are so blessed. SOOO Blessed!!! God has been so sweet with us. Ken and I are constantly amazed at how blessed we have been in the "kid" department. God is good. So, here's an update on all kids for the summer (since I have some friend that keeps nagging me about us only "spotlighting" Mia...) ;)

Jake is turning 12 in two months. He has officially begun the process of turning into a teenager! Ha! He is already sleeping longer in the mornings. He is taller than me. He is an AMAZING helper and great big brother to all of these brothers and sisters ;) He is so witty and constantly making me laugh. He is such a good kid. What a blessing he is to me every day!

Maddy is turning 9 in two weeks! She is in the middle of a bunch of changes. She wants to be grown already, and yet, she still wants to be a kid. She is a great help to me with the babies... now if I can just get her to be a help with the laundry ;) She is about to cut her hair again and she is constantly amazing me with her fashion sense. She can do her hair (and always could) better than I do her hair! She is a little DIVA and a great big Sunshine! She is constantly making us smile. We were watching videos that she had taken on her camera - and this girl is CRAZY! She is "just like her momma" they tell me. And yes, she is.

Jared just turned 7! He is a snaggletooth right now! 8 teeth have fallen out in the last few months. They are all growing in, but still... there are lots of holes in there!!! So cute. We have taken so many pictures of him because of that. He is absolutely precious. He loves to color and loves to give things to people. He has the gift of giving. What a doll! He is enjoying his summer in the pool and playing games with his big brother.

Jude is a handful! Oh he is a naughty one. But, he is so dang smart. That's what it is. His main problem is that he is smarter than a lot of 4 year olds... and we can tell. For example, he got in trouble for hitting his sister and Ken got on to him. He then said, "Say yes, sir." Jude stares... looking like he has no idea what Ken is saying. Drama insues and he gets a spankin. Two minutes later I ask him if he wants to go outside and tell him to say yes, sir and before I even get it out... he says "Yes sir." ugh. little punk. He makes you think he doesn't know when he is being stubborn.. but if it is something he wants.. oh yes, sir or yes ma'am comes flying out of his mouth. He is absolutely precious. A mess, but precious. He can tell you he is going to be 2 on his next birthday, but he holds up one finger (or sometimes 5) ;) Precious, I tell you. He is ever helping his little sister Mia. He brings her her bottle, her toys, her pacifier (which she doesn't even take) and anything else that is little or pink. It is precious. And he is constantly kissing her on the head. Oh man. That melts my heart. Jude is also not afraid of water at all! We have to watch him like crazy at the pool - or at the river. He will stick his face under and bounce up and down and he is constantly trying to drown himself. He is crazy about swimming! We have our hands full!!!

And then, there is Mia. I know, you already know most of it... but she is the one who has been changing the most in the last few months. She now has pierced ears and she is trying to crawl. She LOVES her jumperoo and hanging out with her daddy. She is just an amazing little girl. At the adoption ceremony we all were crying. What a miracle baby she is! Even the lawyer started crying. My favorite part was when the judge asked our lawyer if he needed to ask the questions because she was too choked up to talk! LOVE IT!!! What a precious day! Granny Joan and Pawpaw bought her a necklace and bracelet to wear. She looks stunning in them. Just stunning. She is a little captivator! What a joy she is too! She is constantly cooing and smiling. She LOVES the water - cold or warm. She doesn't care... she just loves the water. We are going to have a great summer!

That's about it! We are going to Disney in August and until then we are just hanging out and having a great time being a BIG Happy Family! We love it! God is good. He is so Faithful!

Tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow... oh tomorrow. I don't have words in my heart to describe all of the things I feel about tomorrow. What a precious day. Praise flows from my heart... our little girl... our miracle baby girl... We will finally get her birth certificate. We will get her social security card. We will officially give her a new name. She has always been our little girl in our hearts. This ceremony will not make her ours. God made her ours before the world began. But, this ceremony, this precious ceremony will be when we make a covenant before our families, and before our God that we will care for her for all of her life with the love that God has given us - that we will raise her according to His Word. She will be, finally... adopted.

I wish my mom were here. How beautiful that the very day that my mom passed away 16 years ago is the day that we will finalize the adoption of our precious daughter. But God has given us hope. It hit me several months ago that God really intended for us to all be a family forever! Though heaven is not about reuniting with loved ones we have lost... it is simply about being in the presence of the Only one Holy... the Lord God Almighty - and worshipping Him forever and ever.... it is still true that I will see my mom again. And she will see my kids. She will know them forever and ever. I don't know what that looks like. I only know that our fleeting time here is NOTHING in comparison to FOREVER! I was 17 when I lost my mom. That means that next year I will have lived as long without her as I did with her. Hear me when I say our time on Earth is so small in comparison to all of eternity. The Bible says it is only a breath. Think of that... One breath. How fleeting is that? How many breaths do we take in just one hour... one day... and one breath.... I want to grasp this. I want to live for the forever side of life.

All of this to say that my heart rejoices in what the Lord has done for us. The Lord is faithful in everything He does. He is good and everything He does is good. He is Holy. He is Worthy. He is Beautiful. He is Sovereign. Praise His Name! Praise Him for the works of His hands!

Psalm 103

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.